Hi everyoneFirst post and I'm glad to be here. I was diagnosed 2 months ago, had surgery a month ago, and am starting radiotherapy in January. I've been lucky as my cancer was caught very early. As for everyone, this has been a rollercoaster. I was elated that I didn't need chemo; but am hugely depressed at the thought of working. I had 3 weeks off and am back working. I work from home a lot in a job I used to enjoy (mostly), even though I worked 60-70 hours a week, week in, week out. And now I can't do it anymore, I just feel like going back to bed. I'm on a return to work plan in the new year, but am currently trying to work full-time, and the work still keeps coming. Most of my colleagues seem to have forgotten that I've recently had cancer, and expect me to be the same workaholic I always was. I just can't do it. I think about changing careers, but have no idea of what else I'd like to do. I've been seeing a cancer counsellor, but the sessions are just traumatic, and I'm not sure they're helping. I'm so tired, and have run out of resilience, and really just don't care about working... Any thoughts welcome. Thanks. Rose

Hi @rose, sorry you have had to go through this. This horrible BC turns your world upside down. It usually comes out of nowhere and from diagnosis to treatment is a whirlwind. It is completely understandable you are finding it hard to return to your previous normal. It's only 2mths since this all started for you. It will take time to find your new balance, which may mean you re-evaluate things in your life, or at least need some time out. People talk about a new-normal, and it may take some time to find that. Be gentle with yourself. You have had something happen to your body, but my experience is that it takes a while for the mind to catch up. You go into survival mode to get through the intital stress of diagnosis and then I believe the mental aspects of that process start once you are through that initial crisis. Are you able to take some holidays to give yourself some time to manage what you have been through? For me, the mental aspect of BC has been much harder than the physical. I have found this forum a supportive place where you are understood. Ask anything. I don't know what to suggest re the counsellor except to say that what you have been through is traumatic. It may take a little while for these feelings to subside. Is there another counsellor you could talk to? Sometimes it's about finding the right person to talk to, with the right process. There are also people to talk to at bcna. You could try one of them. I don't have the number handy but it will be on the website. (I'm not good at finding other things at the same time as writing on here) . Or other ladies will post the details. Please take special care @rose.

Having breast cancer brings a heightened awareness of our bodies but also of self. Sounds like a reassessment of work life balance will be beneficial Take care

One of the most useful things I did was find a really good counsellor (they do exist) who raised the confronting issue of my old normal not being very normal at all. Working long hours, six days a week and recovering sufficiently on the weekend to start all over again was my norm, and continued to be so through treatment. It was only when I hit the third long term side effect (none of which actually stopped above behaviour) that I sought advice and was encouraged to reconsider my idea of a normal pattern. It took some time. I was lucky that nothing forced a change, I was able to do it as I saw a different normal emerge that was attractive, not what cancer had forced me into. But you need someone who is looking at you, not a cancer patient, to assist the process. If you can reduce your commitments without making an irrevocable decision, while you work out things in your own time, that may be the best outcome short term. Best wishes.

If your finances allow, take a break from it all then come back in the new year with more focus on just you. I think we all review our lives and some ladies successfully change careers. How about making a list of your strengths and likes etc - be quick and keep it simple (don't procrastinate on any words). Some of the wonderful ladies on hear will no doubt read it and give you some ideas of a career change - many may be something you'd not even thought about. Good luck. Anne

Dear @rose, I hope you can create some flexibility/space with your work hours over Christmas, January and February and onwards. Is your radiotherapy treatment close to home? Will you be having hormone (tablets) treatment following your radiotherapy. Reactions to these treatments vary a lot, as you will read.I returned to work full-time in a new job five months after radiotherapy ended. I was excited and pleased to be able to do this, but now I'm looking forward to retirement!from jennyss in Western NSW

Newbie - and finding it hard to go back to work

Smurfee
Member
7 years ago
I was told that a lot of women work through radiotherapy... personally, once it started I was quite zonked. I went back for 3 3 hour shifts in between surgery and radiotherapy, but found it quite draining. I did not sleep well with the Nerve pain under my arm, and was just generally tired. I also got a bit weary of 'keeping people up to date', though I did enjoy visits. My radiotherapy finished in November, after which there was a hectic Christmas, and I found that I had lost a lot of fitness, eventuating with a sore back. The physio I work for has now obtained a standing desk for me and I work only 3 to 4 hours at this stage. The appointment times for radiotherapy were not sensibly agreeable to working either. Put yourself first.
arpie
Member
7 years ago
@Rose - we have a few members in & around Canberra ...... are you into Fishing at all? I know there is a dedicated Fly Fishing course/weekend that is dedicated to BC Survivors ..... you could apply to give that a go .... usually at no cost to you (including all gear!)

Oh dear - is is SO annoying when you aren't informed of changes in dates/times of treatment ..... I remember sitting in the Xray Dept in Sydney Royal North Shore Hosp from 8am to 3.30pm for an essential scan for my husband's Stomach Cancer surgery 2 days later ...... the surgery couldn't go ahead without it - and I'd been told it was booked - but it wasn't! (AND had driven 4hrs to get there!) grrr

Take care, all the best xx
rose
Member
7 years ago
Hi Julie

Welcome to this forum! And thanks for your thoughts.

Yes, I had thought about disability insurance - problem is, I'm fit for work! For which I should be grateful, I know...I also worked in the public service for a very long time before making the jump to academia. First day back at work after a holiday, and there's very little I like about it. I can see long hours stretching ahead again, trying to balance work pressures and a constant fear of being made redundant if I don't deliver, with trying to carve out some time for myself...sigh...

Not the best day, topped off by the radiotherapists putting my appointment back 45 mins but not bothering to tell me, so sitting around waiting, feeling like a piece of meat. I do find radiotherapy very dehumanising, even with my own dressing gown.

Arpie, I'm in Canberra.
arpie
Member
7 years ago
All the best with your change in work direction @Rose ... what town/city do you live in? You never know - someone may know of a job going that might just suit you down to the ground!

Welcome to the Blog, @Julied - lots of support here for everyone - feel free to tell us of your own BC Story and how you came to find us ....

We also have a few 'funnies' sections, if you need a laugh .... feel free to add any of your own! ;)
Julied
Member
7 years ago
@Rose I am a senior executive in the public service. You are in higjer education and our industry super funds will have insurance for temporary disability. Have you explored that option of staying off work and recieving pay until you are fit to return? That has been a god-send for my peace of mind.
iserbrown
Member
7 years ago
Having breast cancer brings a heightened awareness of our bodies but also of self.
Sounds like a reassessment of work life balance will be beneficial

Take care
rose
Member
7 years ago
Hi Iser, I'm much better all round after a holiday where I didn't do any work at all - a first for me! But I'm dreading going back to work and the thought of it is depressing me. I've decided to look for a new job - one which allows me to have some work/life balance and which is less stressful. I've loved having week-ends off, and don't want to go back to working all the time. I've also realised that I only enjoy a very small part of my job, so think it's time to move on. It took a lot for me to get this job and jobs in my area are hard to get and highly sought after. Leaving would be a huge step, so I'll take it slowly.

I've started radiotherapy - 2 sessions down, 18 to go...

Thanks for checking on me - hugely appreciate the support.
iserbrown
Member
7 years ago
@Rose

How are you now we are into January! Have you been able to sort out your workload and or start radiotherapy?
jennyss
Member
7 years ago
Dear @rose,
I hope you can create some flexibility/space with your work hours over Christmas, January and February and onwards. Is your radiotherapy treatment close to home? Will you be having hormone (tablets) treatment following your radiotherapy. Reactions to these treatments vary a lot, as you will read.
I returned to work full-time in a new job five months after radiotherapy ended. I was excited and pleased to be able to do this, but now I'm looking forward to retirement!

from jennyss in Western NSW
rose
Member
7 years ago
Hi all, thanks very much for your suggestions. Kezmusc, I've thought about starting my own business, but think the energy required to chase clients would be too much. And Primek - that's good to know about the Cancer Care Co-ordinator.