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Crying is a natural release, bad thoughts not so good. The following may prove helpful:

Write down all the things you are grateful for and cherish. When facing things we are not prepared for, it’s easy to forget all the good things in life. They are still there.

Get outdoors at least once in the day. Walk, sit on the back verandah, look at the sky, listen to the birds (or the rain). Reconnect with the big world, feel the earth slowly turn. 

If you like music, listen to it. Doesn’t matter what, anything that calms your brain.

Try and laugh once a day - even in bad times, the world can be funny or absurd. The physical act of laughing is cheering by itself.

Most of all, live hour by hour, day by day. No what ifs. You can sear your soul by imagining things that may never happen. Deal with what is, not what might be. Planning is for later when you feel in control again. And you will. 

Best wishes. 

thank you xx

xx Please consider Ringing our Helpline, and have a chat @RenataW .... 1800 500 258 .... They'll be only too happy to support you xx

Whilst waiting for all my results, I just went fishing in my kayak every day .... it really helped take my mind of things - cos it is our mind that is going off on a tangent just now ....  and imagining all sorts of evil things 

take care xx

thanks guys for all the info, still have bad thoughts and lots of crying.

Hi @RenataW I echo all the comments above. 

It’s massively crap being told you have cancer. Allow yourself to feel really sad for as long as you need. You’ll come good and you’ll stand up and think right let’s get this sorted. 

https://www.bcna.org.au/resource-hub/podcasts/episode-22-invasive-lobular-carcinoma/

https://www.bcna.org.au/resource-hub/articles/types-of-breast-cancer/

A couple of links that will hopefully settle your anxiety!

You mentioned you are a Counsellor.   Once you've done some research on the predicament you are in hopefully you maybe able to talk to yourself as a client. 
My advice, like others have said, deep breaths,  go for a walk or sit out on the verandah with a cuppa!  You have the knowledge thus far that it's not in the lymph nodes, how good is that!  All the scans will give a clearer picture and the best treatment plan can be established!
Deep breaths!
Take care

thank you so much for your answer, you are all amazing people on here and I appreciate every message I have got. I think the pod casts are such a good idea, I will listen to them. 
thank you again xxx

Sorry to see you here with us, @RenataW ... as a counsellor yourself, you'll no doubt 'think' that you'd be better at handling the diagnosis, as you've probably helped others before, with theirs.   But sadly, it doesn't always work like that.  :(   I'd nursed my husband thru his original cancer diagnosis & removal of most of his stomach back in 2010 .... so I was really shocked when my reaction to my own BC diagnosis in 2018 'upset' me so much - cos it is 100% natural to be totally shocked & stunned - and crying is a natural outlet xx  

Lean on your family & friends - they just don't know what to say or do to 'make it better' ..... so they'll take their responses from you ... if you clam up, so will they xx   I told as many friends & family as I thought 'needed to know' - and kept them updated with an email every week or two - it was better than 're-explaining' it to everyone who called or dropped in!   Let them know that you'll get back to them when you are ready - so you aren't answering your phone all the time & repeating stuff.

Have a listen to Charlotte Tottman's Podcasts on BC ... she is also a BC Counsellor/psychologist who was diagnosed in 2018 (she had a double mastectomy and remained 'flat') .... She was also amazed at her own reactions to her diagnosis .... and has done 2 x Podcast Series that are well worth listening to.  She is VERY easy to listen to - and having had the same diagnosis, fears, surgery, chemo etc - she just 'gets it'!  xx
Click on 'See 22 tracks' and start on Track 13 (the first one of Series One) then if you go thru all of them (at your leisure) then click on No 1 to listen to the 2nd series xx
https://soundcloud.com/search?q=charlotte%20tottman

You can read a bit about her here too (see document at the bottom) .... 

Let it out - if you are in the car - do a giant AAAAAAGGGHHHHH!!   Sounds weird - but it is quite cathartic! xx.  Everyone asks 'Why Me'?   But they do NOT KNOW!   It is just pure bad luck (unless you know ther have been other family members diagnosed, in which case it may be genetic.)   I am the first & only member in my family that I am aware of, to have a cancer diagnosis - but remember that Cancer is a WORD, not a SENTENCE xx.   

Put trust in your team ..... write down any questions that you have for them .....  consider recording your sessions on your phone as it is difficult to remember everything that is discussed at the time.  After you've finished your active treatment - sure, go on your own - but whilst you are still facing surgery & 'other choices' .... have someone you can trust 100% with you xx. For both physical and emotional support.  This disease really mucks with your BRAIN even more than your body - and that is probably what scares us more than anything .... as we are used to being 'in control'!

Jump onto this thread - which gives lots of tips on facing surgery and other areas on the forum that you might like to join in ... we have bits on art & crafts, gardens, furkids & even humour ..... there are 'tick sheets' down the bottom that you can click on, to 'self assess' your physical & mental progress .... you can also call our Helpline on 1800 500 258 too ... for a chat xx
https://onlinenetwork.bcna.org.au/discussion/23477/a-big-welcome-to-all-our-new-members#latest

Take care, be kind to yourself xx

thanks, did you choose to have a mastectomy or was it required?