Goodness me @Chevvy
You've certainly got yourself in a medical pickle and understandably a highly emotional state.
Don't fret, you're not losing your marbles, you've drawn the short straw.
Doctors doing a watch and wait on the lymph nodes. I recently had my annual mammogram and was asked when did I have my vaccination as they find if it's recent the lymph nodes are enlarged. Perhaps your body is trying to defend!
Please don't feel isolated. That's what the forum is about, like minded to help you through. Vent away!
As suggested by others a Counsellor may help with coping mechanisms
Take care