Oh for fucks sake @Chevvy. That is a dreadful situation to be in. Excuse language.
Never think you need to compare yourself to anyone else. This is not a race or a competition.
You have every reason to be frightened, who wouldn't be? What sort of superhuman would you have to be to just keep smiling and dancing, caring for others when all this is going on?
Please ask your GP/team for a referral to a counselor. That was always hit and miss situation even before COVID. Give it a go anyway.
You are not losing your mind. I wish I could help you more.. Mxx