Letting go of being superwoman!
I have been hesitating writing this for a while, but here goes! When I was first diagnosed with breast cancer, of course I was stunned by being delivered the news by the doctor at Breast Screen, ...
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Very similar indeed @Cath62. Your early childhood incident definitely set that pattern in your mind of needing to take care of everyone else first. And at such a young age!! đČđą. Itâs so sad to read, yet so many women have similar stories. And just continue to suffer in silence instead of seeking a way out, because it seems so helpless. And then you get the burnout, and then the disease âčïž. I was also diagnosed almost 2 years after I had my burnout and quit my job. And it took almost 3 years to stop feeling guilty about not working, despite the burnout, panic attacks and breast ca diagnosis and surgery/treatment during those 3 years! đ€ŠđŒââïžđ€ŠđŒââïž. Unbelievable! You could be hobbling around, dragging your limbs and still feel guilty for not working and helping others! Itâs just wrong. So wrong. Everything needs to be in moderation, and that includes work and helping, but it isnât.
As both you and @Keeping_positive1 said, people on their deathbed donât ever wish theyâd worked harder. They wish theyâd spent more time with loved ones and enjoyed themselves more. I donât believe enjoying oneself requires a lot of money anymore, and Iâm a good budgeter, thatâs why Iâm very happy as I am now. I also wish Iâd never gotten breast ca, but Iâm glad it rattled me to my senses and woke me up while Iâm still young enough to enjoy my daughterâs childhood and ensure Iâm there for her, and for me to enjoy myself too and to slow down and rest when needed, just as you said you do. Just as we all need to.
I remember shortly after finding my lump, I had had a mammogram to check what it was and was waiting for results. In the meantime I went to visit an old student whoâd just had a baby. I was holding her baby and thinking how lucky she was that she was so healthy and could get to raise her daughter. She wasnât working as her partner was, and her parents were visiting for a few months from overseas and helping her. I guess I felt a bit envious that I didnât get the same, but what really got to me was the possibility of not being there to continue raising my daughter after Iâd finally quit my job and could be home more. It was just so unfair. I left and went back to my parentsâ place, who were also visiting from overseas, and just finally broke down. I was crying uncontrollably and shouting angrily that I wanted to raise my daughter, not anyone else! I didnât work so hard my whole life for this to happen now and rob me of my happiness, and for my daughter to not have a mum! I was like I want to raise her, sheâs MY daughter! I want to be here!!! My dad calmed me down and told me that no matter what the results, I could overcome it and theyâd all be there to help me. And they did, and were at least there for me then. Theyâre back overseas now but helped me at the worst time. And I finally let them. I finally told myself itâs not shameful to ask for help. That we all need it and all need to ask for it. Anyway, luckily for me itâs turned out well for now đđđ.
I just hope anyone reading these comments realises we donât need to be superheroes and martyrs, because sometimes your body will do what it needs to do to get you to stop, and sometimes it wonât be in time. It shouldnât need to get to this for us to realise whatâs really important. For me itâs also peace of mind, happiness and being with people I love.