Letting go of being superwoman!
I have been hesitating writing this for a while, but here goes! When I was first diagnosed with breast cancer, of course I was stunned by being delivered the news by the doctor at Breast Screen, ...
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Very similar indeed @Cath62. Your early childhood incident definitely set that pattern in your mind of needing to take care of everyone else first. And at such a young age!! 😲😢. It’s so sad to read, yet so many women have similar stories. And just continue to suffer in silence instead of seeking a way out, because it seems so helpless. And then you get the burnout, and then the disease ☹️. I was also diagnosed almost 2 years after I had my burnout and quit my job. And it took almost 3 years to stop feeling guilty about not working, despite the burnout, panic attacks and breast ca diagnosis and surgery/treatment during those 3 years! 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️. Unbelievable! You could be hobbling around, dragging your limbs and still feel guilty for not working and helping others! It’s just wrong. So wrong. Everything needs to be in moderation, and that includes work and helping, but it isn’t.
As both you and @Keeping_positive1 said, people on their deathbed don’t ever wish they’d worked harder. They wish they’d spent more time with loved ones and enjoyed themselves more. I don’t believe enjoying oneself requires a lot of money anymore, and I’m a good budgeter, that’s why I’m very happy as I am now. I also wish I’d never gotten breast ca, but I’m glad it rattled me to my senses and woke me up while I’m still young enough to enjoy my daughter’s childhood and ensure I’m there for her, and for me to enjoy myself too and to slow down and rest when needed, just as you said you do. Just as we all need to.
I remember shortly after finding my lump, I had had a mammogram to check what it was and was waiting for results. In the meantime I went to visit an old student who’d just had a baby. I was holding her baby and thinking how lucky she was that she was so healthy and could get to raise her daughter. She wasn’t working as her partner was, and her parents were visiting for a few months from overseas and helping her. I guess I felt a bit envious that I didn’t get the same, but what really got to me was the possibility of not being there to continue raising my daughter after I’d finally quit my job and could be home more. It was just so unfair. I left and went back to my parents’ place, who were also visiting from overseas, and just finally broke down. I was crying uncontrollably and shouting angrily that I wanted to raise my daughter, not anyone else! I didn’t work so hard my whole life for this to happen now and rob me of my happiness, and for my daughter to not have a mum! I was like I want to raise her, she’s MY daughter! I want to be here!!! My dad calmed me down and told me that no matter what the results, I could overcome it and they’d all be there to help me. And they did, and were at least there for me then. They’re back overseas now but helped me at the worst time. And I finally let them. I finally told myself it’s not shameful to ask for help. That we all need it and all need to ask for it. Anyway, luckily for me it’s turned out well for now 🍀🍀🍀.
I just hope anyone reading these comments realises we don’t need to be superheroes and martyrs, because sometimes your body will do what it needs to do to get you to stop, and sometimes it won’t be in time. It shouldn’t need to get to this for us to realise what’s really important. For me it’s also peace of mind, happiness and being with people I love.