Letting go of being superwoman!
I have been hesitating writing this for a while, but here goes! When I was first diagnosed with breast cancer, of course I was stunned by being delivered the news by the doctor at Breast Screen, ...
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@Cath62 same! I quit a year before my diagnosis, but needed to find an excuse for myself as to why I quit, and still spent a whole year feeling guilty that i wasn’t working, even though I was working overtime for a few years prior with no proper holiday for a decade. Not even sick days. And I had burnt out massively to the point I couldn’t understand what I was reading in class, simple things that beforehand I could’ve taught in my sleep. And that year I was having panic attacks on top of everything. Very unhealthy, and I knew it, yet I couldn’t stop myself. I’d disappoint so many people if I did 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️. So much guilting and shaming, it really needs to stop. I also now have no intention to go back to work unless it’s under my conditions. I refuse to join that psychotic rat race again.
And when I was diagnosed, I just didn’t care about anything. People asked me what I was going to do with my house, whether I’d rent it out, and I just thought the house???? I don’t give 2 f***s about the house!! Throw it away as far as I’m concerned!!! I just sat there, thinking all I want is my health. Nothing else was important, not the house, nor the car, nor any jewellery or electronics or clothes etc. I just wanted to see myself healthy again, and I wanted to slap myself for not listening sooner to myself and making changes. As you say, I can’t change any of the past, but that’s why I have made major changes as well in my present. You can’t go back to the same environment that made you sick and expect to get better.
I’ve also read or heard somewhere that perfectionists are like that because of shame or guilt, usually stemming from childhood. Certainly the case for me. I’ve mostly dealt with my childhood issues and have eased the perfectionism considerably! And I feel so much more relaxed and happy. So much unnecessary pressure thrown off my shoulders. And now, I also come first. The way I treated others, is now how I treat myself. The last thing I want is to feel that misery again and have a repeat, just to satisfy ‘society’. No thanks. I hope other women start to do the same too 🤞🤞.