Having an Aha moment!

I would have to say my aha moment was more of a journey than one “ moment” but it started early when I was diagnosed and overwhelmed with shock , I was having various scans and didn’t know if my cancer was stage 4 or not ( it turned out to be stage 2 , phew!) ,
I have always been a multi tasker who had trouble saying “ no” but I immediately started shedding responsibilities.
I was a board member of a voluntary organisation that had been taking up a lot of my time and when I tendered my resignation they said “ why don’t you take a 12 months period of leave “ . I said “ no” this is my decision”.
I learnt then that most people won’t argue with someone who has cancer.
I also cleared my work diary for 3 months ( I am semi retired so could go that) and ditched all engagements I felt were non essential.
As I progressed through treatment I found myself thinking “ how will this help my physical and mental well being” when considering what to do (or not.)
I started a diet and seeing an exercise physiologist and improved my physical state .
I am now 14 months post mastectomy and 3 months post DIEP reconstruction and continue to be a little bit selfish but also to cherish the good things  in my life and try not to sweat the unimportant things.

Hi there, I think my aha moment was not a single moment but period of time during my active treatment. 

The  year before diagnosis I had my dad in hospital 11 times, my son was also extremely sick, my mum was struggling with memory (since confirmed early alzheimers) and I was suffering extreme burnout and had to retire from work. Then came the diagnosis!

I knew I had to change and I recalled a dear cousin who lost their battle with breast cancer had joined a group to help her get through it. 
I joined the same mediation group to help me relax and find peace. That group was with Patrea King's Quest for Life not for profit organisation. I think it saved my life.

At the time Patrea was doing nightly mediations for covid lockdown. I reached out to her and we exchanged some messages. I read Patrea's book Your Life Matters. It changed everything for me. It really resonated and Patrea's story was similar to mine in several ways. 

I was fed up with alot of things and I knew the only way forward was for me to change. I have and I am still changing and reaping the benefits of the new me. 

I still join Patrea King's Monday mediation group and am so grateful for my life.  I practice gratitude daily, walk 5/6 days a week, go to pilates one a week and practice mindfulness. I put myself first and while I still care for others I know I can't give from an empty bucket. So I make sure my bucket is full before I do anything else. I really enjoy simple things like morning coffee,  sunshine etc. 

My aha experience is something I am grateful for and don't forget.

I didn't have a defining aha moment either, but rather a series of realizations I had to change tracks, even after my active treatment, I still had to keep reminding myself not to go back to life in the fast lane.  I was so exhausted with my workplace commitments and In many ways the diagnosis of cancer was a relief!  It forced me to take a step back and give myself time to look after me. 

I actually took on a volunteer job mid this year, but I have just resigned.  I had committed to a certain day of the week, and was asked a number of times to change to another day if another volunteer was sick.  I obliged, twice, but then I said NO.  It was just becoming a reminder of what I went through when I was in paid work.  

So, sometimes I still get reminders of what I don't want to go through again, and that little light goes off to remind me I don't need to answer to a boss.

When people ask me what I do for a living, I simply say I am retired and I please myself what I do. :)  It's a great feeling. :)

@Keeping_positive1 I too remind myself to keep my own pace and its ok to do so. I did start a volunteer job but I realised I don't want a weekly commitment anymore.  I have aging parents and a new grandson so I help them when I am able to. The beauty of this is I help them after I have taken care of myself first. 

I'm not sure if I had an AHA moment, but something switched in my mind.  When diagnosed with BC I was in shock, but i had work to concentrate on, it was really important to me that I carried on working throughout treatment, in hindsight not sure if it was for my benefit or just to show I can cope with this like I cope with everything else.

All my active treatment was finished last March, I am on Femara and ageing alot quicker than I would like, but kept on working harder.  Anyway something snapped around September and had a long conversation with husband about giving up work and travelling around Oz.  I did the numbers (am an accountant so can show the numbers work!) So we bought a caravan, I resigned from my job - we put our house on the market earlier this year and sold.  My husband then resigned from his job,  sadly covid stopped us in our tracks for a while but we are now back on course.  Both are no longer in stressful jobs, we are sat in a caravan park with our 2 beagles having a beer as I write this.  Am I scared we made a hasty decision - maybe, but life's too short for regrets as we all know so well.

So whether its an AHA moment or not - put yourself and your wellbeing at the forefront.

Good on you @Beaglemum - that has taken such strength and commitment to your idea.  Hope you both, and the pooches, have a fantastic experience around the country.  All the best in all that you do once COVID permits.  May you all remain healthy and happy.  💖

When i was in hospital with neutropenia it was a very low time, all my hair was falling out and a social worker came and discussed getting an end of life plan together. Wtf! I started to realise the seriousness of the situation (which i had felt but still felt the need to keep going). As i started taxol something flicked in my mind about wanting to survive well or if i had to die, die well. I started going to an exercise physiologist. Ive been going for about a year twice a week. My cardio endurance and recovery has improved and im adding more exercise to my week. Sadly no weight liss but i feel physically stronger. 

Lots of things still feel somewhat unresolved but i have exercise and how good it feels to hang onto  im grateful to be able to do it when during chemo sometimes it was hard to walk from one part of the house to another. Im working through my thoughts on everything and weighing up what is important. 

@Beaglemum you sound like you are putting yourself and your wellbeing first now!   My first instinct was to show those around me that I could cope with whatever life threw at me, but I really don't think that decision was for my benefit, but more for others! 

I hope your adventures are amazing, and enjoy the beer, Cheers. :)

 

@MicheleR I would say the comment by the Social Worker suggesting writing an end of life plan was a big Aha moment for you from what you describe.  I think it OK not to have everything resolved yet, and I also saw an exercise physiologist and I did some physiotherapy and now doing some strength training classes (when not in lockdown... Melbournite).  

Loved ones and hobbies get a lot of my attention.  :)

All the best in whatever you decide to do next.  xx

No aha's here but a gradual realisation post treatment about how far I had strayed from the person I was in my late teens/early 20s and that I kind of missed her a lot!  58 year old me has a lot more responsibilities that demand my attention and action but I do reach out to my younger self and feel that my compass is finding True North again through a lot of magnetic interference.