Cancerversary

@Anne65 Thank you for your beautiful post. You are a darling! K xox  :*

Thank you @Sister, @jennyss, @kezmusc, @arpie and @Anne65. Your support has been invaluable and much appreciated. Love youse all!

@Sister Yes, happy 2 years to us! And as usual you sum it all up so perfectly. It's like you're inside my head... My resilience is tissue paper thin, the slightest thing knocks me askew. I was never like this before, it's frustrating. I can't see normal service resuming until I'm off the AI. I hold out hope that we'll feel better then. Fingers crossed sweets. K xox

@kezmusc I think it would be lovely if the breastcare nurses could provide a more formal structure to help people through their post-active treatment life. A regular check in, mental health assessment, I dunno, some support beyond woundcare. But they're overworked as it is, and the newly diagnosed rightly take priority.

I hope year two to three will be an improvement. To start with I'm finally on the right dose of antidepressants. Or at least I think I am. While I still feel sad I'm no longer wrist slashy, which is a great relief.

I do try to hang on to the sweet moments, I just wish they'd come around more often! I hope your "soap opera" concludes quickly and has a happy ending. Big squeezy hug lovely. K xox

Thank you so much @Anne65  xx - we can but try our best.  Some do it with humour, some do it with instruction - but we all hope to get thru it with minimal 'side effects' - and then be able to help others on their own 'journey'!    xx

Yes, having folk around how 'care' and 'get it'  - SUCH a bonus xx

@"Beryl C. I remember coming out of hospital on 22nd Dec '17. Walking very gingerly & clutching my pink pillow for comfort. The 2 hr drive home was uncomfortable but so nice to be home. I was struggling to do anything, my hubbie doing everything for me. As Christmas day approached, i wondered what to do as both our families are in Adelaide, 2 hrs away. I chose to go as we had planned pre-cancer so the long journey begun with me still clutching my pink pillow. To be around my family was important as they had given me so much love & support during the last month. I guess I wanted & needed to be around those who had gotten me through. Like you, it is a time of wonderful memories of how supportive & loving a family can be. xx

Wed.14th Dec. 2011 - admitted to hospital for left breast masectomy and removal of a few lymph nodes. Only child living  overseas and husband working a few hundred miles away - had so many offers of help from two sisters and girlfriends that we drew up a roster. Some stayed over and I had the nurse call in daily for a few days. A bit strange given the reason for all this but I look back on some very vivid and strong memories of sharing my vulnerability, laughing, sharing jokes and stories, playing scrabble and care with hygiene (how wonderful to have someone wash my hair!). It felt like being in a nurturing bubble. A friend insisted on putting up all the Xmas decorations and another friend made a picnic lunch which we ate with me propped up in bed and her next to me. We felt like kids being a bit naughty. So although this time of year is my anniversary the beautiful memories of love and laughter are stronger.

What a lovely post @Anne65.  Just beautiful.

So many of us are having anniversaries around this time, just to put us more on edge around the festive season. Well, today is my second year anniversary & guess where I have just come from.....my GP! Who makes an appt on their cancerversary! Yes, I knew it was today but thought i may need a referral to squeeze in an xray on top of my already busy day in Adelaide on Monday when I have my mammo, visit my BS for my results, skin cancer check & first lymphoedema screening...who has time to work! As I walked into the surgery, I remember vividly, this time 2 years ago being lead out the back door in a sobbing mess. Unlike others, i went to the appt thinking all would be OK, even after having so many tests a few days beforehand. My husband drove home from work to be with me & I spent all day sobbing on the couch in between phone calls, booking medical appts....all a blur.

But we have all gone through it & we are all here today, battered, bruised & all at different stages of treatment & recovery. Wow, the forum friendships we have all made through this hideous disease, the bonds that will never be broken. Although many of us will never meet, we probably know a lot more about each other than many of our friends. This BCNA forum has been the best teacher, doctor & most importantly, it has given me the best & most understanding friends. 
I have been so lucky with my cancer "journey" unlike many others & that often makes me feel guilty. Why have they gone through all of that when I haven't? And there have been many times that i wish I could help take away some of your pain but i cant so all I can do is offer prayers, love, support & a kind word as many of you have done for me. 

@kmakm Congrats on 2 long years ticked off! To say your road has been tough, is an understatement. I could write on here all day of how beautiful & strong you are & how you have helped so many of us & let us into your life. By knowing how many people you have touched, will hopefully put a smile in your heart & help to lessen your pain a little. I wish you  love & strength in every day & hope that will help you when the days are tough & as each month & year ticks over, you can see some things are getting better & easier. xxxx

@Sister Lovely to read your post & see you back for a little visit. I have been thinking of you as we both begun here together 2 years ago. So glad you have ticked off another year with me! It has been wonderful to have you by my side even though your road has been a lot rockier than mine. You have battled on with strength & courage. One of the highlights of being on this forum is giving us a chance to meet each other & it has been a privilege to have been able to meet you twice & share our stories.  I know you are going through a tough time at the moment but the school holidays will be here soon so hopefully, the strain will be lifted slightly. Concentrate on you & taking care of yourself & I hope 2020 will bring you everything you deserve. xxxx

@arpie You will be able to celebrate your 2 years knowing you have already "passed" your test!! Congrats to you in ticking off another year. Thanks for the laughs & smiles & keep playing that uke! Glad to read you are going along nicely & your positive attitude is quite infectious on here so keep it up!! xxxx

Love, strength & prayers to all of you & especially those doing it tough. It is a hard time to be dealing with cancer as it seems everyone around us is focused on what Christmas presents to buy & how big should the turkey be this year! For many of us, it is a very emotional time & instead of seeing how many Christmas parties we can attend, many of us just want a friendly ear & the love & support of a friend. So, let us all remember the little things that matter & share some kindness to those that need it the most. xxxx

Congratulations @Sister.
Lots of anniveraries at this time of year isn't there?  

I get what you mean.  You're so focused on getting back to "normal" that I think we put life before BC on a higher pedestal than it probably deserved. Unless, of course, you happen to be fantastically rich, famous and tripping all over the world.  The bills were still there, work as well, groceries and housework had to happen,kids to look after blah. 
I did ponder that often.  How good was it actually?  Was it all I was amping it up to be. Sure, I wasn't sore, overheating every 2 mins (add in multiple side effects here).  Nor did I think about death as often, but the mundane and boring daily life stuff, that hadn't changed at all.  That's pretty much when I quit wanting old normal back.
I do so hope it starts to get a bit easier this year for you and that santa spoils you rotten.  You deserve it lovely.
xxoxoxoxo

@Sister
You sound very fatigued from it all!  Hopefully the joy of the festive season, break from work, time with family and allowing the crap of life to sort of wash over will help you relax into who you are!  It does get better but it takes time!  
Take care and best wishes

To follow on from the earlier comments, while I realise how fortunate I have been that the cancer was found, it's a damn hard road at times, coping with treatment and then the side effects of AIs.  The thing that I am struggling with most at the moment is that my resilience is in such a fragile state, and I know that the scanxiety and cancerversary probably feed into this.  What I didn't take into account during active treatment was that when real life resumes, the rest of the crap is still there and you just add the delights of BC and it's associated baggage on top.  Some of you may have noticed that I haven't been posting much lately.  I'm still reading things and I love you all but composing posts is mostly a little beyond my brain and energy levels at present. 

I suspect that this may be a new feature of life post-BC where the only option is to slog through, trimming non-essential services, until things are resolved and mental energy is restored (slightly).  That's my strategy, anyway - if it takes too much and it doesn't need to happen, off it goes.  I won't say I'm okay but I am surviving and dealing with one thing at a time (just wish life would stop adding more!).

So, happy 2 years to us!  And for me, hopefully normal transmission will resume shortly.