Bilateral mastectomy booked in for Friday

Thanks everyone for your advise.  As strange as this sounds I either had a premonition that I was going to get BC or I gave it to myself through visualising it. Ever since I  was early 20 I had drs check me. No family history. Unfortunately too the dr missed it in March and it grew so by May It was stage 2a grade 3. It grew fast between March from a pea to May 2.4cm.  Anyway as part of this whole premonition I always though I was going to die young (44 now , 3 small children). But Im hoping that thr die young bit was just an assumption due to the BC outcome).  So now that the BC came true Im obviously doing everything possible to save myself. Hoping I got it soon enough etc. I constantly stress about my cystic boobs and lumps and bumps and know that if they are gone I can stress less about them. Its probably a dramatic step doing according to my Onc but my Breast Surgeon (woman) said she agrees and sees it all too often a new BC pops up. My plastic surgeon is hesitant about reconstruction because every time he sees me I cry. He think Im not ready but If Im having the chop I will geel better with having a full chest than a flat one and I will get a tattoo for nipple  (never wanted a tattoo before ). This is a bit of insite into why Im so frantic all the time. As it seems unlikely I had a premonition  (Im not a witch) and I possibly gave thus to myself I need to not give myself mets... and do you know apart from this I am the strongest most positive person, never suffered anxiety or deprssion. .  Thanks for everyones stories, they really help. I just need to get over this chesty cough ( whole family had but mine is lingering) so I can stop fearing mets. 
As far as op goes Im worried about going under (not waking up) and worried about the outcome  ( I suppose all normal fears). I havent even told my girls yet Im going in for this op yet. I will tell them about Tuesday and I better record the messages in their teddy bears before I go.