Thank-you all for your lovely comments. Yes, Christine, it is awful to think about that tumour growing quickly. I was glad that things moved quickly but it took me ages to 'catch up' with what was happening. Everything around me was going fast but I felt 'slow'! I agree @iserbrown acceptance is the key but also lots of learning from each other. I know I would not be where I am today without the help of many others, especially many of you on here. The support of fellow BCNA members has been crucial to my new life after bc.
We are all individuals and often differ in our choices but at the end of the day we all want the same thing - the best life we can have while dealing with this horrible disease and its everlasting, everchanging effects. When I am having a 'moment' I know this is a safe place to come. Sometimes it is enough to just read a few posts and rebalance myself. Sometimes I can help someone else. Sometimes I need to share!
Happy Mother's Day everyone! xxx