Hi Paula, calling the BCNA helpline may help, just to talk to someone. Your feelings are valid, and relevant. I've learnt we all have our own story and you don't have to face this period alone. I have found the BCNA so helpful with so many resources hand, but all you need sometimes is just someone to physically talk to. It's a scary journey that's for sure, we are here for you, I'm post unilateral mastectomy myself and still dealing with the realisation of losing a breast. It takes time, be gentle with yourself. Hope this helps a bit.