What can partners do to help?

My husband gave me a lot of hugs and cuddles and reassured me I was still beautiful.I sure felt ugly being bald and missing a boob! He took over answering the phone and filtered the calls - I sometimes didn't want to talk. He stepped up on the domestic front and brought me endless cups of tea in bed. He drove me to doctors visits,hospital and treatments and stayed with me. This was good because you feel a bit  vulnerable at such times and you don't always take in all the info. Ah,PAPERWORK AND FILLING IN FORMS,PAYING MEDICAL BILLS, he did all that- what a relief!  If I got an attack of the miseries in the middle of the night he would just hold me and tell me it would all be ok - that helped me.

                                                            regards,Tonya

My husband gave me a lot of hugs and cuddles and reassured me I was still beautiful.I sure felt ugly being bald and missing a boob! He took over answering the phone and filtered the calls - I sometimes didn't want to talk. He stepped up on the domestic front and brought me endless cups of tea in bed. He drove me to doctors visits,hospital and treatments and stayed with me. This was good because you feel a bit  vulnerable at such times and you don't always take in all the info. Ah,PAPERWORK AND FILLING IN FORMS,PAYING MEDICAL BILLS, he did all that- what a relief!  If I got an attack of the miseries in the middle of the night he would just hold me and tell me it would all be ok - that helped me.

                                                            regards,Tonya

My husband gave me a lot of hugs and cuddles and reassured me I was still beautiful.I sure felt ugly being bald and missing a boob! He took over answering the phone and filtered the calls - I sometimes didn't want to talk. He stepped up on the domestic front and brought me endless cups of tea in bed. He drove me to doctors visits,hospital and treatments and stayed with me. This was good because you feel a bit  vulnerable at such times and you don't always take in all the info. Ah,PAPERWORK AND FILLING IN FORMS,PAYING MEDICAL BILLS, he did all that- what a relief!  If I got an attack of the miseries in the middle of the night he would just hold me and tell me it would all be ok - that helped me.

                                                            regards,Tonya

My husband has also been amazing , I dont know if it sounds right to say but he actually liked the fact Ive now had to ask him for help. as I think my independence was a pain to him. If anything he has continually told every person along the way how fantastic the cd that you supply in the my journey kit was, Ive discovered its still in the car in the cd player. Maybe a booklet geared up for men, or my husband would do a survey on line. my husband is shy around strangers so this suited him, every medical person spoke to both of us at appointments, and I made sure I asked hubby to come to everyone. Perhaps educating drs nurses etc would be a good thing about not isolating the men, I remember a nurse asked my husband if he would like to assist her to check my wound , I think that was special. Like mitch my husband has not even asked to be intimate, but the other day I said would you like to feel my scar and touch my breast he cracked up laughing and said thats a good pick up line. I just needed him to know its ok.  Im sure everyone has good ideas         good luck adean

My husband has also been amazing , I dont know if it sounds right to say but he actually liked the fact Ive now had to ask him for help. as I think my independence was a pain to him. If anything he has continually told every person along the way how fantastic the cd that you supply in the my journey kit was, Ive discovered its still in the car in the cd player. Maybe a booklet geared up for men, or my husband would do a survey on line. my husband is shy around strangers so this suited him, every medical person spoke to both of us at appointments, and I made sure I asked hubby to come to everyone. Perhaps educating drs nurses etc would be a good thing about not isolating the men, I remember a nurse asked my husband if he would like to assist her to check my wound , I think that was special. Like mitch my husband has not even asked to be intimate, but the other day I said would you like to feel my scar and touch my breast he cracked up laughing and said thats a good pick up line. I just needed him to know its ok.  Im sure everyone has good ideas         good luck adean

My husband has also been amazing , I dont know if it sounds right to say but he actually liked the fact Ive now had to ask him for help. as I think my independence was a pain to him. If anything he has continually told every person along the way how fantastic the cd that you supply in the my journey kit was, Ive discovered its still in the car in the cd player. Maybe a booklet geared up for men, or my husband would do a survey on line. my husband is shy around strangers so this suited him, every medical person spoke to both of us at appointments, and I made sure I asked hubby to come to everyone. Perhaps educating drs nurses etc would be a good thing about not isolating the men, I remember a nurse asked my husband if he would like to assist her to check my wound , I think that was special. Like mitch my husband has not even asked to be intimate, but the other day I said would you like to feel my scar and touch my breast he cracked up laughing and said thats a good pick up line. I just needed him to know its ok.  Im sure everyone has good ideas         good luck adean

Thanks for the reply Tanya - especially with your financial accounts to sort out. I don't envy you :)

Glad to hear that your partner was able to talk to Jacques face to face - some partners tell us that really helps. We'll definitely include some information about where partners can go for support, both professional as well as peer support.

Looking forward to hearing your other ideas, and what, if anything, your partner did to help you...

My partner has just been there and no complaints.  He is my rock.  He makes jokes to keep me laughing.  He just takes it on the chin when I having a bad day and I get a bit grumpy.  He doesn't bite back just lets it pass cause he knows I am doing it tough and will get over it.  He doesn't have to say a lot but if I need to talk he will answer me honestly.  He has shown no signs of loving me less because I am unwell, fat, bald with no eye brows and lashes, he loves me for who I am inside cause I am still the same person he fell in love with.  He is a very compassionate, loving and understanding and would do anything for me and he knows if the shoe was on the other foot I would do the same.  We are lucky to have found each other. 

On a personal note, there has been no pressure on me with regards to our personal life in bed.  He doesn't push me and accepts when I say I am tired etc..  He knows things will get better and our life in that department will return to how it was.  That I think is a hard thing for men to do, to not put pressure on us in that department and to not make us feel guilty when we are not forthcoming. 

He has shown little fear when things have been tough and I have been very unwell, even if on the inside he is frightened he manages to keep control.  That has helped me get through those bad times.

Don't get me wrong he isn't a total saint in any way but I am very lucky to have him in my life and especially at this time in my life. 

Mich xo

WELL.........My partner was my rock when I was diagnosed, however nearly 5 years, it was only on a recent visit from Jacque's Strap that he finally had the chance to talk face to face in someone that has been through the whole experience.  It was the first time that he has had someone to talk to and was a really powerful experience for him.

So given his recent experience we need more one of one, (again I am not sure how to make this happen) maybe a forum for men.  Face to face contact for men.

I have some more ideas, but this is just to get the ball rolling, I am trying to finalise my End of financials year accounts:( so should be working.....he he. lol

Back soon.

Tanya xx