relationships

Hi Vinn,

my husband was useless the whole way through treatment. My brother and girlfriends who helped were so angry with him. I was also very angry at him and my boys for their lack of support. He refused to talk about it and refused to see anyone for help. He came to one appointment with me in 16 months.  It wasn't until after my treatment had finished that he was actually able to talk about it. He wasn't coping at all and didn't know what to do. As I said, doing something, anything would have been better than nothing. He just wanted things to be normal so he kept his head in the sand. I worked part time throughout 16 months of treatment, including chemo. I look back now and just don't know how I did it as I was just so ill.  I was very angry and resentful towards him and he was very angry and resentful towards the cancer but of course he couldn't take it out on the cancer so rightly or wrongly he took it out on me. My counsellor and nurses told me that I had to forget about him and concentrate on myself and what I needed. So that's what I did. I look at things now and I can see that he is depressed ( I believe he has post traumatic stress as does my counsellor). I stand my ground now though. If he says something I don't like, I tell him now. He is far more understanding now 12 months later than he ever was at the time. Look after you. And don't fret about having to go public. I went public and they were absolutely fantastic. I couldn't fault the care I received. Cancer messes with not only your head but everyone around you as well. Maybe it's the cancer or maybe it's just a bad marriage. Now is not the time to worry about that though. You need all your focus on you and gaining your health back. Stand your ground and say what you need. If you are too tired then that's just how it is. Take care of your self and vent on here anytime you need to. Karen xox