Hi @dodg113
I can understand him not being able to deal with the fact you got breast cancer and being scared by it all. That’s a normal reaction.
But I understand you more. And what you don’t need right now is to be told that you’re unattractive, especially after having gone through so much heavy surgery. You didn’t choose to have bc, you didn’t choose to need surgery, and you didn’t choose to put on weight (8kgs is not a lot btw!!!). Nobody does. Shit happens. You deal with it. And you’re dealing with it remarkably well. You already had a long reconstruction to try and look as normal as possible again. If you ask me, you’ve done fantastically well. It is a massive bummer that the recon didn’t work, and I really feel for you, as it’s really unfair.
So now you need to be treated like a queen and pampered all the time. You’ve been through the worst ordeal. Throw yourself into self care and self love.
As for your hubby, I think he needs reminding of all this, and a really big reality check. Cancer is hard to deal with, that’s why there are psychologists for all involved. If he’s not into counselling, then he can find a support group for partners. But in my humble opinion, under no circumstances are you the one who should be supporting him. It should be reversed. HE really needs to support YOU, especially now!!! That’s what marriage should be about. I’m not sure he has any clue of everything you’ve been through and still are. My partner just told me 2 days ago that it’s my choice whether I want to have implants put in, or just go flat. He would support me no matter what. And my love handles are no problem either. That’s the kind of support you need right now, so please support yourself in finding it. Whether that means surrounding yourself with family, such as siblings, cousins etc, that will tell you how beautiful you still are, or taking a little break from
hubby for a while if he refuses counselling for it, please do it. Sorry if I sound blunt, but I’m a little stunned at your situation. Beauty should never be just about physical appearance. We are humans, not dolls. We don’t know what can happen to any of us, that’s why we need to have people around us we can count on in situations like these. And atm, sounds like you’re going into minus. I know your hubby doesn’t mean it, he’s prob not aware of how he’s coming off. But that’s why he needs serious counselling. If he doesn’t want it, this shouldn’t be your problem.
I’m so sorry honey, I really hope this sorts out for you. You sound so lovey. All the best 🍀♥️
