Eve of Bi Lateral Mastectomy with expander reconstruction
OK! Time for a new timeline!
EVE of bi lateral mastectomy with expander reconstruction.....
I've been floating above the clouds looking down....dreamlike vision.... watching someone's life..... it's been like reading a murder mystery book, being totally absorbed in the story line, excited, scared and all the while thinking "it's only fiction".....except I suddenly plummet to the ground, landing flat and I open my eyes and it isn't fiction....it's MY life......
Phone calls from the anaethetist and nurse this morning made it REAL....Questions, questions from them.....Questions from me....
Tomorrow I will lose my breasts. I will wake with nothing but a sore, scarred, flat chest......there will be balloon like structures in their place that will be inflated over the next few months.... they are not a "real" part of me...they are imposters....
We usually hate imposters......and I may well hate these particular ones for a while....but I will forgive them eventually.....because these imposters will have helped saved my life....and for that wouldn't we all forgive?
My inner self is trembling with fear.....My mind is reeling from the last 6 months......it has come to this, I must lose an integral part of my femininity to put one more chink in the chain.....to ensure that eventually, that chain is broken and will lay rusting in the dirt....
So tomorrow I will say goodbye to my boobs.......so long, farewell....it's been nice knowing you...but it will be even nicer knowing that you are no longer a ticking time bomb waiting to blow my world apart again.....
See ya all soon....with a new improved..... and less saggy me!! ;)
