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andrewplant's avatar
andrewplant
Member
15 years ago

Not that nice

The comments and thoughts have been very much appreciated but I'm just not that nice.

I have to be honest and say that there is a distinct difference between what I deliver into our situation against what I suspect strongly is required.

I think I'm talking about Sympathy vs Empathy here,  I'm not very good at the latter, not sure whether that is part of my psyche or just learnt behaviour in life.Or maybe just being too focussed on solving the problem not understanding the issue.

I'd have to admit to even trying to gain insight into how to address our situation by leverging the same problem management approach I use every day at work, break it down  into bite size pieces and deal with them one at a time. Of course you don't need me to tell you the results of that approach.

When I ask myself what am I doing on this website the answer is to get insight into the problem. So you can see I'm still seeing it as a solvable problem if only I can find the key.

2 Replies

  • TonyaM's avatar
    TonyaM
    Member
    15 years ago

    Andrew,your wife has been going through procedures since 2006 -that's 5 years of stress for both of you.That would put a strain on any relationship.I'm guessing your wife is struggling with her body image but at the same time can't bare the thought of any more surgery.The simple solution might look like this:-find a good plastic surgeon,fix boobs,feel better about yourself.But it's far more complex.Can I ask how old your wife is and if you have children? I think these factors need considering.I'm generalizing here but a young woman with small kids or no kids is going to see it all abit differently to a middle aged woman with grown up kids.

     I think most men want to find a solution no matter what the problem is.Women need to talk  it over,want their feelings validated and don't necessarily want an immediate solution suggested.If she is depressed then yes,you need to step in find some help.But otherwise,just reassure your wife that you love her how she is,lots of hugs,and listen without trying to "fix it".Just tell me if I'm barking up the wrong tree!

                                 Tonya

  • TonyaM's avatar
    TonyaM
    Member
    15 years ago

    Andrew,your wife has been going through procedures since 2006 -that's 5 years of stress for both of you.That would put a strain on any relationship.I'm guessing your wife is struggling with her body image but at the same time can't bare the thought of any more surgery.The simple solution might look like this:-find a good plastic surgeon,fix boobs,feel better about yourself.But it's far more complex.Can I ask how old your wife is and if you have children? I think these factors need considering.I'm generalizing here but a young woman with small kids or no kids is going to see it all abit differently to a middle aged woman with grown up kids.

     I think most men want to find a solution no matter what the problem is.Women need to talk  it over,want their feelings validated and don't necessarily want an immediate solution suggested.If she is depressed then yes,you need to step in find some help.But otherwise,just reassure your wife that you love her how she is,lots of hugs,and listen without trying to "fix it".Just tell me if I'm barking up the wrong tree!

                                 Tonya