Self conscious about wig
Hi, went to the cancer council wig library 2 days ago with my bestie and my partner. Found a nice wig that I and my 2 support people really liked. Was so excited, so much so that my partner said that was the happiest he'd seen me in ages. Decided to go out for lunch yesterday and wear it in public for first time. When I put it on, a thought jumped into my head. I started thinking 'everyone will know'. I just kept fiddling with it which wasn't helping at all. When we arrived at lunch I was sure everybody was looking at me, my partner assured me they weren't. Still kept fiddling, my partner said 'stop doing that or you will draw attention'. I was completely out of my comfort zone, more so than when i wear my scarf of turban. I just felt this compulsion to keep checking it. I was quite down when we arrived home and wondered how something that I think looked good one day didn't the next? I don't plan on wearing it too much at the moment because of the heat, but I'm thinking I may have to wear it when I return to work down the track, I just don't see how I will get the confidence to do that. Do you get used to it eventually? Then I started thinking that when my hair starts to grow back, is their an awkward time, an in between time, when you don't know whether to wear one or go au natural? Oops, forgot my 'one day at a time' mantra. Too far ahead of myself, the issue is not a priority. Just want some cofidence when I venture out of the house, hope everyone is faring well out there,
Hazel xx
Comments
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I never really felt totally comfortable in my wig despite all the reassurances of family and friends. I found some days I felt ok about wearing it and other days I felt more comfortable in my turban hats. I always felt better in the wig around people who did not know me and therefore were not aware that I was wearing a wig! There was a funny story to tell about the day I went out wearing my Ugg boots because I was so distracted fussing with my wig. And still no one seemed to notice! At least they might have been looking at my feet and not my wig.
It is 4 months since my last chemo and I have been going coverless for about a month. My hair is still really short but it is simply too hot to cover up! I figure it wil be another 2 months before it gets to a length that I might actually like. Most of the time I figure people take no notice of what others look like, so I try to just forget about it and get on with things. Still not happy about posing for photos yet! Hope you get used to it and learn to feel more comfortable in it. As you say one step at a time and everything has a way of working out. Take care. Deanne xxx0 -
Hi Hazel,
I have worn my wig once for a couple of hours. The whole time I had it on I felt self concious and kept fiddling with the wig just like you. I am happy to wear my head scarves, hats etc and don't feel at all self concious. My hairdresser friend offered to trim my wig for me but it is still sitting in it box.
At the end of the day you have to be comfortable.
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When l did the Worllds Greatest Shave in 2012, l bought 12 wigs of all different styles & colours. I was so sure l'd hate having a shaved head & woild want to cover it, & l wanted to have different hair every day!
But, when l shaved my head, l got so many compliments on how great l looked & l actually loved it. I hated covering it at all. The wigs never came out of the bags! To me, they looked fake.
Now l'm having chemo & am totally bald, l thought l might wear the wigs. But, l hate covering it up even more! I love my bald head, & look for ways to adorn it ie. head jewellry, henna tattoos, instead of hiding it. I want to make the most of it, instead of pretending its not thhere.
So, like you, l found the wigs fun to try on & play with, but couldn't go through with it in "real life". I'd rather go without anything at all!0 -
I had typed you a reply but lost power here and lost my reply as well. Didn't get power back on for an hour so I've forgotten what I said
Suffice it to say that I was going to get a wig and actually had picked one out that my mum and sister said looked really good but it was itchy and felt hot so I decided just to go with scarves. When I first ventured out without hair, I was very self conscious believing that everyone was looking at me. I almost turned around and went home again. But my husband said that I was being silly and nobody cared but me. Yes I thought it is just me and who cares about anyone else. I decided to really make my scarves interesting and colourful and I actually got a lot of compliments on them. So in the end it's your own thoughts that count. Your are conquering your BC so you can do this.
Don't worry about anyone else but you.
Love Janey xxx0 -
I had typed you a reply but lost power here and lost my reply as well. Didn't get power back on for an hour so I've forgotten what I said
Suffice it to say that I was going to get a wig and actually had picked one out that my mum and sister said looked really good but it was itchy and felt hot so I decided just to go with scarves. When I first ventured out without hair, I was very self conscious believing that everyone was looking at me. I almost turned around and went home again. But my husband said that I was being silly and nobody cared but me. Yes I thought it is just me and who cares about anyone else. I decided to really make my scarves interesting and colourful and I actually got a lot of compliments on them. So in the end it's your own thoughts that count. Your are conquering your BC so you can do this.
Don't worry about anyone else but you.
Love Janey xxx0 -
I felt the same about my wig.I felt fake and selfconscious wearing it -not to mention hot and itchy! I basically used it for any night out events when I knew it was only for a few hours.I mostly wore caps,bandanas and scarves.When my hair got to buzz cut stage,I swapped over to headbands which were cooler but still offered security.Infact,I made lots of headbands to match my clothes.You can also fold bandanas down to form a band and tie at the back.You just have to go with what makes you feel comfortable.You'll work it out. Tonya xx
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Hi Hazel,
I have 2 wigs, 1 was exactly what I was before chemo, long & black. The other was a copy of my daughters hair, long and dark blonde....same as what I was before I started colouring it when I was 17. Together, I spent $700 on them.
I felt like a GOOSE with them on! I just knew people were looking at me, there was no telling me otherwise. In my 6 months of baldness, I wore them no more than 4 times, & if I did, it was with a beanie over the top of them (it was winter). I was more comfortable with people looking at me with a scarf wrapped around my head. Maybe because if felt like I was faking it, rather than being real about what was going on.
When spring hit, I just start going out bald! I realised that if people wanted to look, then they can look. I wasn't ashamed of having BC or being bald. It was kind of liberating.
I did look pretty hot with the blonde one now that I look back. It's funny the things we think
Sending cyber hugs, Sam xoxoxox
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Hi Hazel,
I have 2 wigs, 1 was exactly what I was before chemo, long & black. The other was a copy of my daughters hair, long and dark blonde....same as what I was before I started colouring it when I was 17. Together, I spent $700 on them.
I felt like a GOOSE with them on! I just knew people were looking at me, there was no telling me otherwise. In my 6 months of baldness, I wore them no more than 4 times, & if I did, it was with a beanie over the top of them (it was winter). I was more comfortable with people looking at me with a scarf wrapped around my head. Maybe because if felt like I was faking it, rather than being real about what was going on.
When spring hit, I just start going out bald! I realised that if people wanted to look, then they can look. I wasn't ashamed of having BC or being bald. It was kind of liberating.
I did look pretty hot with the blonde one now that I look back. It's funny the things we think
Sending cyber hugs, Sam xoxoxox
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I think I'll wait and see. I, too, work with the general public as a bar attendant, gaming attendant. All of my regular customers will know it's a wig, I have worked there for so long, they are quite protective of me so I don't expect any harsh remarks. I figure strangers won't know for sure. When I return to work I expect I will be very nervous. At the moment I feel more comfortable in scarves. You're right Janey, I am conquering BC and that's the most important issue. Definitely, one day at a time. Cheers ladies,
Hazel xx
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Even though I didn't wear mine heaps it was invaluable at work. It's not that I was embarrassed about my BC. But as a professional needed to be able to do my job without spending most of my day explaining my BC to others and also ultimately comforting them and reassuring them that I was ok. It was also lovely to have for the wedding I went to.
Apart from that I was really comfortable in my bandana. I loved them and never felt awkward in them. The trick is to be confidant in whatever you wear.
I once went out to dinner in my wig. Half way through the night the waiter(who was bald) came up to me and asked me what shampoo I used as my hair was so shiny!!!Apparently the other waitresses were commenting on my lovely hair. Well the poor guy, my girlfriends and I all burst out laughing and I told him I had the same hairdo as him!!! He was embarrassed but I assured him it was ok.
My wig was expensive, but on the occasions I wore it, I felt good in it.
I think I was lucky as I felt ok in both the wig and the bandanas. In North Queensland it was just too hot for the wig all the time. I was never as brave as Sam to go completely bald. Mind you Sam looks amazing bald.
Good luck.
Paula 0 -
Thanks Paula....I did have a good head for chemo!
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Have you thought about going to a wig library & borrowing a couple? That might give you a feel for it before you buy one.
I was able to claim mine back through Bupa too. I just needed a letter from my oncologist.
Sam xoxox
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I have just been getting around the past 3 weeks with my scarves and buzz cut hair partly because of the heat wave and partly because with everyone on holidays I've just been poking around at friends and going to yoga etc . Never
Today is 2 months since my surgery so my husband and I went to see a movie . I thought I would wear my real wig for the first time and I thought I looked pretty ok. While my husband went to do something else for 10 minutes I went into a chain store jewellery shop and was buying some earrings when the young shop girl serving me and her offsider were doing a really bad job of trying to hide their sniggers and exchanging sideways glances with raised eyebrows , it was soooo dreadful . I'm not sure if they were laughing at my wig or the fact I have no boobs or maybe both ( I can't wear that fake bra they send you yet because one side is too sore ) There were other people in the shop else I would have said something. Anyway I cried all the way home. My eldest son said the heat wave this week will be nothing compared to the heat where those girls are going . The awful thing was that I actually felt quite confident and happy and now I just feel crushed 0 -
My main reason for getting a wig was for the kids sake when I have to drop them off and pickup from Primary School (I have 3 aged 11,8 & 5) ), I didnt want them to be embarrased at all or have the kids asking them questions as I know they would get sick of it eventually and more than likely upset them as well(oldest boy grade 6 this year is very shy and reserved!!).
Secondly, I work at a supermarket where I know alot of customers and they dont know that I have BC. I am on leave at the moment til I am ready to come back but I really dont want to explain to everyone I serve why I have a scarf of my head and the reasons behind it as more than likely my hair wont have grown back by the time I return. At home i will be happy to wear scarves and hats or when I am by myself - go bald!!
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My kids were 10 and 8 when I had my first diagnosis. I wore bandanas into school. They surprised me how resilient they were and I think they coped really well. However if your son is sensitive then I see your point. Kids, being kids their friends will probably know anyway and I found my kids got amazing support from the school and their peers.
Your reasons at work were exactly the same as mine. Not all my clients knew and it saved lots of explaining and let me just get on with my job. I felt I would never get any work done otherwise. I met a lady at the look good feel better course who told me that she was exhausted at the end of her work day as she spent so much if it explaining to others about her scarf and ultimately her cancer.
Wishing you lots of luck.
Paula x0
