Hi, went to the cancer council wig library 2 days ago with my bestie and my partner. Found a nice wig that I and my 2 support people really liked. Was so excited, so much so that my partner said that was the happiest he'd seen me in ages. Decided to go out for lunch yesterday and wear it in public for first time. When I put it on, a thought jumped into my head. I started thinking 'everyone will know'. I just kept fiddling with it which wasn't helping at all. When we arrived at lunch I was sure everybody was looking at me, my partner assured me they weren't. Still kept fiddling, my partner said 'stop doing that or you will draw attention'. I was completely out of my comfort zone, more so than when i wear my scarf of turban. I just felt this compulsion to keep checking it. I was quite down when we arrived home and wondered how something that I think looked good one day didn't the next? I don't plan on wearing it too much at the moment because of the heat, but I'm thinking I may have to wear it when I return to work down the track, I just don't see how I will get the confidence to do that. Do you get used to it eventually? Then I started thinking that when my hair starts to grow back, is their an awkward time, an in between time, when you don't know whether to wear one or go au natural? Oops, forgot my 'one day at a time' mantra. Too far ahead of myself, the issue is not a priority. Just want some cofidence when I venture out of the house, hope everyone is faring well out there, Hazel xx

I never really felt totally comfortable in my wig despite all the reassurances of family and friends. I found some days I felt ok about wearing it and other days I felt more comfortable in my turban hats. I always felt better in the wig around people who did not know me and therefore were not aware that I was wearing a wig! There was a funny story to tell about the day I went out wearing my Ugg boots because I was so distracted fussing with my wig. And still no one seemed to notice! At least they might have been looking at my feet and not my wig. It is 4 months since my last chemo and I have been going coverless for about a month. My hair is still really short but it is simply too hot to cover up! I figure it wil be another 2 months before it gets to a length that I might actually like. Most of the time I figure people take no notice of what others look like, so I try to just forget about it and get on with things. Still not happy about posing for photos yet! Hope you get used to it and learn to feel more comfortable in it. As you say one step at a time and everything has a way of working out. Take care. Deanne xxx

Hi Hazel, I have worn my wig once for a couple of hours. The whole time I had it on I felt self concious and kept fiddling with the wig just like you. I am happy to wear my head scarves, hats etc and don't feel at all self concious. My hairdresser friend offered to trim my wig for me but it is still sitting in it box. At the end of the day you have to be comfortable.

When l did the Worllds Greatest Shave in 2012, l bought 12 wigs of all different styles & colours. I was so sure l'd hate having a shaved head & woild want to cover it, & l wanted to have different hair every day! But, when l shaved my head, l got so many compliments on how great l looked & l actually loved it. I hated covering it at all. The wigs never came out of the bags! To me, they looked fake. Now l'm having chemo & am totally bald, l thought l might wear the wigs. But, l hate covering it up even more! I love my bald head, & look for ways to adorn it ie. head jewellry, henna tattoos, instead of hiding it. I want to make the most of it, instead of pretending its not thhere. So, like you, l found the wigs fun to try on & play with, but couldn't go through with it in "real life". I'd rather go without anything at all!

I had typed you a reply but lost power here and lost my reply as well. Didn't get power back on for an hour so I've forgotten what I said :( Suffice it to say that I was going to get a wig and actually had picked one out that my mum and sister said looked really good but it was itchy and felt hot so I decided just to go with scarves. When I first ventured out without hair, I was very self conscious believing that everyone was looking at me. I almost turned around and went home again. But my husband said that I was being silly and nobody cared but me. Yes I thought it is just me and who cares about anyone else. I decided to really make my scarves interesting and colourful and I actually got a lot of compliments on them. So in the end it's your own thoughts that count. Your are conquering your BC so you can do this. Don't worry about anyone else but you. Love Janey xxx

Self conscious about wig | BCNA Online Network

31 Replies

Janey235
Member
12 years ago
Good luck with chemo tomorrow Wendy. I'm sure you'll be fine. I'll be thinking of you. Janey xxx
Janey235
Member
12 years ago
Hi Karen, It's lovely that your husband could feel he could at least fix that problem. Our partners do feel so helpless through all this don't they so anything they can take control of is a really empowering thing for them. Well done to him :) Louie has posted a really helpful blog on how to post photos on the Breast Reconstruction Group page and as you're a member, you'll be able to view it. Here's the link. http://www.bcna.org.au/network/groups/61026/blog/61818 It's the same thing when making a reply on a post, as creating a new blog. You'll see the camera icon top right of the comments box. Make sure you are on a PC and not on an iPad though. Hope this helps. Cheers Janey xxx
Yoga_nut
Member
12 years ago
I sent the CEO an email to express my thanks and the wonderful way he had handled it ...plus to say I hope the young girls may have learnt a little life lesson; you never can know what battles people are facing so you always need to be kinder than you think necessary. I'd much rather that than any other repercussion for them. My boys are well impressed by the way it was dealt with and it has been a good learning experience for them too in how to handle a difficult situation and to really apologise so that it means something . My husband is also feeling much happier. it distressed him seeing me so upset . I'm usually pretty upbeat despite all of what's been happening and maybe it's the first thing that's happened in 2 months that he could actually " fix" . I am lucky to have him . I'm not sure how to put a photo on ...sorry I'm so technologically challenged ! Do you do it through a blog ? I can't see an icon here to upload it .
mum2jj
Member
12 years ago
Good on your fantastic husband. I really hope those insensitive young women learn something from this. It is so nice to see a manager and ultimately the CEO responding in such a way. Enjoy the flowers. Paula :)
Janey235
Member
12 years ago
Good for your husband for followed up on this and what a nice surprise for you. I told my husband about your experienced and he said if it were me that it happened to, he'd go back to the shop and 'have words'. He is a really gentle man but it really upset him when I read your post. You will have to take a pic of the flowers to show us Karen. Glad you feel better about the whole thing now. Janey xxx
Deanne
Member
12 years ago
Hopefully this experience will have a ripple effect with not just the young girls themselves becoming more aware and more sensitive but they may in turn help others to be more sensitive in the future. Enjoy your flowers, you deserve them and good on your husband for following this through. It may help someone else one day. :) Deanne xxx
Yoga_nut
Member
12 years ago
Hello Ladies,

Just thought I'd share with you an unexpected happy ending to my upset on Saturday.

As the whole incident was so traumatic my husband sent the manager an email explaining the situation but making it clear we didn't wish any harm to the young girls concerned , just that they be aware that you can never know what someone is going through.

Their response has been outstanding; a direct call from the CEO to my husband first thing this morning and this afternoon I received the biggest bunch of flowers I have ever had in my life with a really touching note.

It did make me cry all over again but this time it was in a happy way.
Yoga_nut
Member
12 years ago
After the upset of yesterday I'm feeling much better .....just getting on with my Indie style scarves , rocking the bald look and no problem. I went out with my girl friend to the Botanical Gardens and been out with my son's cricket parents and happy as . But strangely it cut me more than nearly anything has since I was told I had the cancer in the first place ....maybe because it made it all seem real ( so much has happened in 8 weeks I suspect my mind hasn't caught up with my body ) Maybe because it was truly one of the most horrible experiences of my life . Living in a household of teenage boys I've developed a pretty robust self esteem so it caught me really off guard . Anyway , whatever the reason I've let it go and decided maybe for me it's better just to let it be what it is ... I am someone having chemo . I'm not sure I can bring myself to wear that wig again! Thanks again girls :) xxx Karen
mum2jj
Member
12 years ago
Interesting about the different affects of different drugs. I finished chemo (2nd time) over two years ago. My eyebrows grew back, but I rarely have to pluck any strays away. I can imagine the feeling about the gene must be awful, but you will make sure she is well monitored and informed. Hugs Paula
Linda27
Member
12 years ago
I was horrifed to hear about your experience. I too am sending you big hugs and hope that the actions of 2 immature, ignorant and insensitve people can be overcome and that you get your confidence back.