Just an observation:)
Hello ladies, was just doing some thinking today, you know how it is. All of my family and friends have been so supportive since I was diagnosed with BC. There have been a couple of friends, not perhaps bosum buddies, but friends who have distanced themselves from me. I'm ok with that, sometimes people don't know what to say. Just a little surprising, that's all. I'm also noticing that people aren't telling me things that are bothering them because they think I have enough to deal with already. I do have a bit on my plate, but it doesn't mean they're problems are not important. It all lends itself to me feeling somewhat disconnected. I guess that's my problem, just wondering if you wonderful ladies have observed the same thing. Hope you are all travelling ok,
Hazel xx
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Hazel,I have definitely noticed this.I have also realised that people who I don't really know,and who don't usually speak to me(people on my daily walk,or people at school) have suddenly started making a point of saying hello,and giving me huge smiles!!! I also notice that people just agree with whatever I say.e.g. "It looks like it is going to rain". "Yes it most certainly does". Lol.I think this is because they don't want to burden you with ANYTHING!Some people can't have a regular conversation,because when they look at you and see your hat or scarf,or whatever,they just see "cancer".I find it is up to me to put them at ease a lot of the time.I don't really mind this,and if I don't feel like it,I just keep my distance.It is an interesting subject Hazel isn't it? hope you are doing ok.Cheers. Robyn.xoxo0
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Hi Hazel,
I can relate to what you are saying. I found the physical and psychological recovery easy, but the social recovery I struggled with.
Unfortunately prior to my diagnosis I palliative cared my mother for 3 months. I was diagnosed myself a week and a half after returning to work and since then it has been surgery, chemo, in hospital for two weeks in isolation, more chemo and so the roller coaster ride went on. So all up I was out of action for over a year.
My interests before BC involved bush walking, kayaking and cycling with my friends. I struggled once I had finished chemo and was starting to feel a little better because I still couldn't join in with my friends because of my fitness level. I remember feeling excluded when my best friend told me that I couldn't do a 17km bush walk with them. Actually I felt very angry and upset and I talked about how I felt very frankly with her. The conversation was good, she understood where I was coming from and I understood that she was coming from a protective angle.
What I have found is that this has made me get out there and exercise to increase my fitness level. I can now do the activities that my friends do and keep up with them.
What I have found is that whilst I was out of action my best friend made new friends and started doing the activities that we once did with them. This did put my nose out of joint a little, until I realised that this was life. Life is fluid, just for us BC ones, life stops for a period of time and it takes us a little while to catch up.
Through this journey I have been surprised with friends who have come out of the woodwork and others that have retreated, but I love and appreciate them all.
Take care,
Helen.
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I think most people treat us differently with the best of intentions. They act out of concern rather than with any ill intentions. Some people avoid me because they simply don't want to say or do the wrong thing.
I have noticed that if I am out with family or friends and I am wearing a scarf or turban hat, shop assistants or waitresses will often look and talk with whoever I am with rather than me. You start to feel a bit invisible and feel like saying 'hey I'm here too!'.
The reality is that BC effects our relationships with others just as it effects a lot of other aspects of our lives. Sometimes I feel angry with others because they don't seem to consider what it is like to miss out on so much for so long. I have had a few meltdowns over the months, especially towards the end of treatment.
The fact is life will never be quite the same for me and sometimes this really hits home. I think writing about it or talking about it is important. You need to grieve for the loss of the life you thought you were going to have so that you can move forward and adjust to a different one.
If it is hard for us to know what to do, how to feel, what to say, then we have to remember this is the same for those who love us too. We will all get it wrong sometimes but you just keep trying until it feels better. As Helen says, life is fluid, and we just need to find a new way to go with the flow. Keep trying. Deanne xxx0 -
I think most people treat us differently with the best of intentions. They act out of concern rather than with any ill intentions. Some people avoid me because they simply don't want to say or do the wrong thing.
I have noticed that if I am out with family or friends and I am wearing a scarf or turban hat, shop assistants or waitresses will often look and talk with whoever I am with rather than me. You start to feel a bit invisible and feel like saying 'hey I'm here too!'.
The reality is that BC effects our relationships with others just as it effects a lot of other aspects of our lives. Sometimes I feel angry with others because they don't seem to consider what it is like to miss out on so much for so long. I have had a few meltdowns over the months, especially towards the end of treatment.
The fact is life will never be quite the same for me and sometimes this really hits home. I think writing about it or talking about it is important. You need to grieve for the loss of the life you thought you were going to have so that you can move forward and adjust to a different one.
If it is hard for us to know what to do, how to feel, what to say, then we have to remember this is the same for those who love us too. We will all get it wrong sometimes but you just keep trying until it feels better. As Helen says, life is fluid, and we just need to find a new way to go with the flow. Keep trying. Deanne xxx0 -
Hi Hazel,
So far I have only been surprised by a couple of one in-law who hasn't even contacted me to have a chat. I though we were close as always have a great time together when we catch up. My work colleagues mostly all talk and ask heaps of questions and have kept me busy with texts and FB etc. Some smile and haven't mentioned anything. I expected these different reactions from past experience of losing my daughter 4 days after birth. Like the other ladies have said, mostly people don't want to evoke sad feelings in us and some are just plain uncomfortable witht he whole cancer deal.
I have been very surprised by the number of people who I haven't seen for ages to be the most supportive. In fact one of these ladies is coming to visit me today. I am ever so grateful for her.
It is an interesting observation of human behaviour Hazel and I agree with what the other ladies have said.
Keep smiling Hazel and brush off the thoughts of rejection by those who avoid you and cling onto and remember all the wonderful people who love you and are there for you.
Very best wishes
Joy
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I hadn't really thought of how people must feel, dealing with this as well. I'm sure they have best intentions, taking care not to worry me. I will keep trying to stay connected whilst getting better, I'm still having trouble adjusting to the fact of how different my life is now. I am thankful for all the support from my family and friends, without them I would be lost. It is what it is, life:)
Hazel xx
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I hadn't really thought of how people must feel, dealing with this as well. I'm sure they have best intentions, taking care not to worry me. I will keep trying to stay connected whilst getting better, I'm still having trouble adjusting to the fact of how different my life is now. I am thankful for all the support from my family and friends, without them I would be lost. It is what it is, life:)
Hazel xx
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