Looking for confirmation that I am not alone.

Hazel M

Hi everyone, my first time on this website, not sure of what i'm doing. About to start chemo next week and i am so anxious and scared. Had to make a decision which treatment to have, talk about daunting! Decided to have FEC 100 as that seems to give me the best chance of this happening again. No guarantees given of course. The course will run 18 weeks and from what i have read, it's a challenge. Hope i'm up to it. Would appreciate some inspiration, no need to sugarcoat it. I keep thinking there are people out there with more troubles than me, why I am feeling so sorry for myself? I did have depression and anxiety before this all happened, i wonder if i'm strong enough. Any help would be appreciated. 

Robyn W

You have definitely come to the best place for support and help.6 short weeks ago,I was where you are now.I was so scared and anxious about chemo,and the ladies on here gave me their stories and advice.I took it all on board,and they were right.It is nowhere near as bad as you imagine it will be.I have just had my second lot of chemo.Sometimes there is a bit of nausea,definitely some tiredness,and weird food cravings.But absolutely nothing that can't be managed.These days too,the medication available to help you if you do have side effects that bother you,is incredible.Several years ago,it wouldn't have been as good.So Hazel,try not to worry too much.Once you get the first one out of the way,you will see how easy it will become.I am sure that other ladies will jump on here and give their advice also.Take care of yourself,and just try to relax and spoil yourself a little.Come back on here any time,if you think of more questions.Sending you a big hugxoxoxRobyn

TonyaM

Sorry to hear you have to start chemotherapy but welcome to this network.You have come to the right place-you are amongst your pink sisters here.We know how you are feeling.It's hard to make those tough decisions and sometimes it's easier if your specialist doesn't give you a choice.I've had breast cancer twice-2003 and 2010 so have had all the treatments,lucky me! I had chemo following a mastectomy back in 2010.I was right where you are now and I can still remember that anxiety and fear about having chemo.I was ready to do a runner when I entered the unit and I'm a nurse! They ended up giving me a"calm you down pill"and that sure did relax me.It's just fear of the unknown and not knowing how you are going to react.The thing is,we are all different and some women breeze through chemo and keep working and some (like me)struggle with it.I had a different chemo to what you are going to have.But on average,you feel crap for the first week,improving the second week and sort of back to yourself by the third week.My appetite went but I didn't throw up and my mouth felt like it was lined with fur.You'll get aches and pains and general fatigue and ofcourse,loose your hair around day 16?That's a very general overview of the side effects most people get.I think it's the hardest of all the bc treatments-it's no picnic but it's doable.I don't know that I can inspire you but I will say that I'm abit of a sook and yet I've survived this crap journey twice.So you don't have to be strong,just go with the flow and take one day at a time.Keep yourself really busy until your first chemo and don't think past that one.If you are extra anxious when you arrive at the chemo unit then ask the staff for something-don't be ashamed,it's normal to be worried with your first one.It's also ok to vent your fears at this network.You won't be judged.Hopefully,we can give you support and share our personal experiences which may help ease your anxiety.Ask any questions,vent your fears  and know you are not alone when you blog here. Sending hugs.

                                  Tonya xx

TonyaM

Sorry to hear you have to start chemotherapy but welcome to this network.You have come to the right place-you are amongst your pink sisters here.We know how you are feeling.It's hard to make those tough decisions and sometimes it's easier if your specialist doesn't give you a choice.I've had breast cancer twice-2003 and 2010 so have had all the treatments,lucky me! I had chemo following a mastectomy back in 2010.I was right where you are now and I can still remember that anxiety and fear about having chemo.I was ready to do a runner when I entered the unit and I'm a nurse! They ended up giving me a"calm you down pill"and that sure did relax me.It's just fear of the unknown and not knowing how you are going to react.The thing is,we are all different and some women breeze through chemo and keep working and some (like me)struggle with it.I had a different chemo to what you are going to have.But on average,you feel crap for the first week,improving the second week and sort of back to yourself by the third week.My appetite went but I didn't throw up and my mouth felt like it was lined with fur.You'll get aches and pains and general fatigue and ofcourse,loose your hair around day 16?That's a very general overview of the side effects most people get.I think it's the hardest of all the bc treatments-it's no picnic but it's doable.I don't know that I can inspire you but I will say that I'm abit of a sook and yet I've survived this crap journey twice.So you don't have to be strong,just go with the flow and take one day at a time.Keep yourself really busy until your first chemo and don't think past that one.If you are extra anxious when you arrive at the chemo unit then ask the staff for something-don't be ashamed,it's normal to be worried with your first one.It's also ok to vent your fears at this network.You won't be judged.Hopefully,we can give you support and share our personal experiences which may help ease your anxiety.Ask any questions,vent your fears  and know you are not alone when you blog here. Sending hugs.

                                  Tonya xx

Hazel M

Thank you so much for replying Tonya. It's 3am at the moment and as hard as I try, I cannot get to sleep. Reading your message has brought me to tears, but in a good way. I was feeling so alone, I have friends who love me, but what i needed was someone who has been through the process. I can see that you have had your challenges and you have come through. I appreciate your hugs.

Hazel xx

 

 

Hazel M

Thank you Robyn, i will try to stress less, and i should probably start with getting more sleep, 3am and still up. The reading material they give out explaining all the side effects is startling. I know they have to do this, but it's a shock to read it. Thank you for your big hug and i'm sure i will be visiting this site with a few questions in the near future.

Hazel xx

[Deleted User]

Hi Hazel,

I hope you managed to get some sleep last night and today is looking a bit brighter. As you will see from some of the responces you will not feel alone in this network of women who have 'walked in your shoes' - if you need a hand finding your way around just shout.

Good luck next week and beyond. :-)

Gaylene

Welcome to a network that nobody wants to belong to. You will get lots of support here.
I have been on this roller coaster for 7 years but still remember the initial feeling of being scared, unsure, anxious and just plain unfair, why me. It does get easier as you start doing something proactive like chemo and a routine starts to develop. Take each day as it comes and whatever you are feeling is right, there are no wrongs. Side effects will vary depending on drugs and you. But expect to be tired, I had a really foggy head for a few days after treatment and taste buds will probably be just plain wrong. Listen to your body and rest when you need to. If side effects too bad talk to oncology nurses and they will try to find something to help. They are amazing.
But know you are not alone and won't experience or feel something that someone else hasn't. So if unsure or have questions just ask.
You are stronger than you think.
As Patria King says " Sending you Rainbows"
Hugs
Gaylene (Tasmania )

Gaylene

Welcome to a network that nobody wants to belong to. You will get lots of support here.
I have been on this roller coaster for 7 years but still remember the initial feeling of being scared, unsure, anxious and just plain unfair, why me. It does get easier as you start doing something proactive like chemo and a routine starts to develop. Take each day as it comes and whatever you are feeling is right, there are no wrongs. Side effects will vary depending on drugs and you. But expect to be tired, I had a really foggy head for a few days after treatment and taste buds will probably be just plain wrong. Listen to your body and rest when you need to. If side effects too bad talk to oncology nurses and they will try to find something to help. They are amazing.
But know you are not alone and won't experience or feel something that someone else hasn't. So if unsure or have questions just ask.
You are stronger than you think.
As Patria King says " Sending you Rainbows"
Hugs
Gaylene (Tasmania )

Robyn W

You did it I see Jodie!Well done!It wasn't so bad was it.I reckon you can do anything.xoxoxRobyn.:)

JodieWall

Thanks Robyn xxx

I'm feeling ok. Bit drained tonight though. :-)

Robyn W

You will be feeling drained tonight.The first time is the worst I think.I hope that over the next few days,things remain good for you Jodie.I have been thinking of you and wondering how you have been.Remember to drink your water for the next 2days,to flush out the chemo drugs.All the best Jodie.xoxoRobyn

Janey235

Hi Hazel,
You're certainly not alone my dear. This is THE most supportive site and the best place to be when going through all this I believe. I wasn't expecting to go through chemo at first. When I was diagnosed, my surgeon told me I'd need a lumpectomy to remove the two lumps and then 6 weeks of radiotherapy and that was all. I thought wow that doesn't sound too bad. But the results of my lumpectomy showed extensive DCIS abutted the margins so my plan was changed to 15 months of treatment. 6 months of chemo followed by a mastecomy and a further 9 months of Herceptin. 5 to 10 years of targeted hormone treatment after that. I was devastated! I cried and cried and felt like my world was ending. It was even worse than the initially diagnoses which was bad enough. I had this debilitating fear of chemo and no idea how I was going to cope. The messages of support from the wonderful Pink Sisters and my family got me through though and I found that I could do it. It was hard at times but I kept coming back to this site and received my 'fix' of courage. It wasn't long before I then became one of the 'encouragers' and am so happy to give back what I have received to new Pink Sisters like you. You will be amazed how quickly things will turn around for you too and you'll be encouraging other newbies after you. Just like Jodie who was so petrified with fear only a few weeks ago and now look at her. Number one of her chemo is finished and it looks like she breezed through. We are all so proud of her and we will be of you too.
Welcome to our Pink Family.
Love to you.
Janey xxx

JodieWall

Janey sorry. I'm on my phone xx

Linda27

You wouldn't be normal if you weren't scared and anxious but you aren't alone.  I was diagniosed at the end of July and even now find it hard to believe the speed at which things happened as a result.  Initially you don't have time to think I found I was going from one appointment to the next.  Once I started chemo that all changed and I had time to think.  I found that trying to keep your life as normal as possible helped.  

I have had 4 lots of AC chemo and start Taxol in 2 weeks and guess what Hazel? I am scared, but I also realise that this is the next step in my journey and eventually it will be over and life can get back to normal.

The most important thing I have learnt so far is that you can't always be strong and once in a while you will feel sorry for yourself and noone will blame you if you do. 

 

mgndam1603

interesting your post bought tears to my eyes, I am coming up to my 1st anniversary and I so remember all those feelings of anxiety and fear. It does pass and whilst you are going through it all it seems to be consumming,

But there is light at the end and life though different does get some normality back and you get control again.

Hang in there, take all the help and support you can get.

 

best wishes

Donna