False cheerfulness cheeses me off!

Deanne

I'm going to just say it because it is really getting to me this week!

I get really frustrated when people who I love dearly, try to cheer me up by being really jovial when really they are just as upset and down about this situation as I am.

How do I let them know in a nice way that I would rather they were honest about their feelings when they are around me? I know they are just doing it because they think it helps me but it just has the total opposite effect!

I feel that I am generally handling this whole process in a positive way but the reality is that it is not a great time in our lives and some days you do struggle.

Those days I just need a bit of sympathy not this false attempt to jolly me out of it. Sometimes I'm actually feeling just fine but the false positivity instantly puts paid to this!

Am I being too sensitive and negative?

I know that sometimes there is probably nothing they can do or say that would not irritate me.

I hate that this is effecting my relationships with loved ones.

Deanne

Alf

Hi Deanne

Wow after reading your blog I think you do need to sit down with your loved ones and tell them how you are feeling.  They should understand realy and not get upset by what you tell them.

I think that they are behaving that way to maybe cheer you up,   but you want them to be normal, im on day 11 after my mastectomy. My husband is just being himself, yes he looks after me and has taken time off work to be here for me, but he is also just being  himself and that is what I need. Just sit down with them and say " look I love you but all I want is for you to treat me normaly and be normal yourself. To much "over the top" realy isnt helping and I need you to be there for me just as you have always done, no different." I know you are going through hell and just want to be treated like before so do I, Ive told my friends that I dont want them to feel sorry for me, yes I do appreciate it when they help me out and ring me or text me to see how I am, but for them to be "normal" is great.

If you are feeling down then thats fine, go with what your body is telling you and tell that to your family too, 

I hope this doesnt sound to confusing Im not good at putting words down lol..

Take care ye chin up and dont worry about telling them how you feel Im sure they will understand, 

Alf

x

 

 

Deanne

Thanks for the advice, Alf. I should just say that I am so lucky to have a wonderful husband that has been there every step of the way including coming with me to every Chemo. Our relationship is better than ever and my two girls have also been fantastic, helping out and ringing every day. They definitely let me be myself and just step up when I need a hand and let me do things when I can.

The overly cheery ones are my parents, who I know are just doing what they think will help. They are wonderful really, ringing every day and visiting often. But they do drive me crazy with their reaction if I am honest and tell them that I'm feeling crappy sometimes.

I just don't want to hurt their feelings but I think they may have worked it out from my reactions the last few days. Today we had a serious conversation about how my diagnosis and treatment has helped them understand what families go through when one of them gets cancer. Of all things it was watching X-Factor and seeing a contestant who had battled cancer and survived that seemed to bring about this change in them. I also told them about a lovely man who came up to me while I was going through the supermarket check out today and just wanted to wish me all the best (I guess he could tell what was going on for me as I was just wearing my turban). We wondered if his life had been touched by cancer in some way. So maybe they have realized what I need from them without me having to say anything!

But I think you are right and if it bothers me again I will try to explain that I need them to just treat me normally and stop trying so hard to make it better for me. I need them to accept that sometimes I will feel bad and I just need their understanding at this time.

Thanks again for your help. It sounds like you have some great support, hope your recovery and treatment goes as well as possible. Take care.

xx Deanne