ChristineB
Hi.
I have never been involved in blogging before so please forgive me for any wrong doing it is/not intended. Here I go......
I was diagnosed with early breast cancer 3rd October 2010. I remember this date because it was my son's 25th birthday. To this day I have not told him this. I feel there is no need.
As soon as I felt the lump in my right breast I knew it was cancer.....Sooooo much had been happening in my life up till that time for the last 2 years it didn't surprise me.
What do you do? Laugh, Cry, Scream or maybe even pretend it's not happening.
I didn't do any of the above when diagnosed because I knew it was what it is. Anyway a few days later I was loading my dishwasher, I have a small kitchen, left the lid down for some reason decided to put an item (forgotten what) into the pantry which was opposite the dishwasher then absently mindly decided to move something else to sink, cut a long story short, I fell ove the lid of the open dishwasher went sprawling across the dining room floor with still the canister of only knows what in my hand and landed on the floor. When I hit the the floor I didn't feel a thing no pain but I cried and cried for a long time. This I decided later was my release of anguish of what was about to happen to me.....
I don't want to dwell on the past but maybe just mention I went through 3 months of chemo then a lumposecomy then having found cancer in my lymphnodes a full masectomy then another 3 months of chem then 6 weeks of radiotheraphy.
After 12 months my treatment has finished. Only frustration is getting my prothestis to feel and look real but hey I'm alive and feeling a bit more normal again (whatever that maybe). I'm not sure if I'm the same me, actually I don't think I am inside, but my family and friends feel that I am the same me as before.
My question is how do you explain to family and friends who you care very much about that "Hey I may appear to look and even act the same but I am not the same my perspective on life has changed a lot......
Forgive me for not being me.......
Comments
-
Hi Christine. I was new to blogging too in May this year. Never had done it in my life before but you get used to it really quickly. None of us here care a jot if there are spelling mistakes or muck ups at all its just great to share our experiences and stories.
It's so wonderful that your treatment has finished and I can't wait for that day too but I know how you feel about the 'new' you that your family and friends don't see. This journey changes us that only others who have experienced it can understand. I am greatly blessed to have a loving husband, two beautiful children and my family and friends who have stuck by me through thick and thin but like you I am not the same. It's hard to even begin to explain to them isn't it. I have already come to the conclusion that I'm not going to even try. Acceptance is a powerful tool. We ARE alive. Take care of yourself Christine. Love your profile pic by the way. Love Janey xxx0 -
Hi Christine. I was new to blogging too in May this year. Never had done it in my life before but you get used to it really quickly. None of us here care a jot if there are spelling mistakes or muck ups at all its just great to share our experiences and stories.
It's so wonderful that your treatment has finished and I can't wait for that day too but I know how you feel about the 'new' you that your family and friends don't see. This journey changes us that only others who have experienced it can understand. I am greatly blessed to have a loving husband, two beautiful children and my family and friends who have stuck by me through thick and thin but like you I am not the same. It's hard to even begin to explain to them isn't it. I have already come to the conclusion that I'm not going to even try. Acceptance is a powerful tool. We ARE alive. Take care of yourself Christine. Love your profile pic by the way. Love Janey xxx0 -
Hi Christine, I too was a virgin blogger until I discovered this site. My BC was diagnosed on 24 November 2010, but I didn't blog till July the following year. At first I would just read the blogs, but then I decided to give it a go. The support from the lovely ladies on this site is absolutely wonderful, and there is a great sense of belonging here. Our friends might expect that we are back to normal once our hair regrows, but we know that the new normal is quite different to how we were before BC. It is so hard to explain this to someone who hasn't been through what we have been through. I hope you will find as much support as you need from this site. Good luck. Love Chris xx0
-
Yes Chrsitine, and all you others,
troubles shared certainly helps.
I felt a pang when I read about your final crying session. It took me 2 years to get to that! And it was over some uncovered ham left in the fridge. I cried so hard and for so long that I was physically exhausted the next day but it was what should have happened ages before.
You will find a friend at all times of day and night on the web sites, and sometimes we even get to meet each other face to face when wonderful BCNA hold forums, summits or conferences.
Don't be afraid to chat away, there will always be someone available to link in! Even me away down in Tassie....Mandy xx
0 -
Yes Chrsitine, and all you others,
troubles shared certainly helps.
I felt a pang when I read about your final crying session. It took me 2 years to get to that! And it was over some uncovered ham left in the fridge. I cried so hard and for so long that I was physically exhausted the next day but it was what should have happened ages before.
You will find a friend at all times of day and night on the web sites, and sometimes we even get to meet each other face to face when wonderful BCNA hold forums, summits or conferences.
Don't be afraid to chat away, there will always be someone available to link in! Even me away down in Tassie....Mandy xx
0 -
Thank you for replying. It has helped me greatly.
I live on the Gold Coast but am a Tassie born and bred girl. All of my family are there except myself, two sons and granddaughter (who was born while I was going through treatment). Sienna is the most beautiful little girl and the one who brought sanity into my life at a hard time.
We will be in Tassie 24th Dec till 2nd Jan as my daughter is getting married New Years Eve. My family live near Launceston.
Tassie isn't too far away after all...... Christine
0 -
You are right about not even telling the people you love how you have changed. I've decided not to but get on with life. Which my husband and I are planning to change as we both have been through a lot for the last couple of years and its time we did things for ourselves. We are not getting any younger lol
I'm glad you like my profile picture. Everytime I look at it it brings a smile to my face because I love polar bears and hey I don't mind a good drink of coffee too. We all need things to smile about xoxoxox
0 -
I felt the same as you. Just get the treatment out of the way and get back to my old life again. The treatments are all finished in October 2012 but I'm not feeling like the old me. I want to move onwards to new things which after a lot of conversations with my husband we both have decided we need to change. Firstly we are selling our home and then travel and who knows what then. Take Care xoxoxo
0 -
Yes Christine, we lived in Rockhampton for 3 years so know what life up there can be like. I am Sydney born and bred but wouldn't move from here now, after 30 years. It is heaven.
0 -
I found it easy to tell the world, I have come from always being way too open and honest for my own good. I was a hairdresser for 20 years, so have always found it easy to be good at conversation. Not every one is, and some people pick and chose who they tell. I even told the check out chick at the supermarket.
If you ask anyone who has been through a major event or crisis in their life if it changed them, I bet most would say yes. I became more compassionate about disabled people when my sister in law became brain injured at 35 in a cycling accident. I also wasnt as care free as I got older as each experience came along.
I feel that I have changed, I am reluctant to communicate with people who are superficial, or focused on unimportant matters now. I prefer spending time with other women who have experienced Cancer and understand what we have endured. It is still early for me, Im in my 9th month, and havent returned to work as yet. In time, I will change again no doubt.
Good luck - x Bel
0 -
Hi Christine
I joined this site when I was diagnosed back in August 2011, but haven't blogged anything until the last week. I finished all my treatment (2 surgeries, 4 FECS, 5 weeks radiation, 12 taxols & a year of herceptin) in may, and really have no idea of my normal anymore..
I'm about to have a double tram/Diep reconstruction so am hoping I will regain some body normal.. It's hard to be continually reminded that you've had cancer, by the flatness of your chest!!
The ladies I've met this last week have been awesome. It's so great to connect with people that "get" you..
So welcome.. Blog whatever whenever.. There'll always be someone to listen... Xx0 -
Yes if this awful business has taught me anything it's that I have to MAKE time for me and for my husband. Life is too damn short to have it pass you by with all work and no play.0
-
Hey Christine
A big welcome to you and so glad you decided to join us and blog. I definitely relate to the so called returning to normal. Unfortunately life will never quite be how it used to be for us. We have had a life changing experience and nothing is going to take that away. I just decided people will have to get used to the new me and I am not going to pretend to be normal to make others happy.
I also relate to your having a damn good cry. I haven't done much of that myself just the occasional little outburst but crying is so healing and I am sure has helped you in some way to get it out.
I am so glad you have found us on this website and decided to share with us. Like Chris says there were a lot of virgin bloggers prior to BC and finding BCNA but you will find it is a great place to be. I am nearly 12 months since my so called final treatment but unfortunately it doesn't end there so that is why we continue to return to blogging and our pink sisters and for me what has become my other family. I have made so many new very special and beautiful friends through BCNA.
I hope you also find a lot of support.
Off and travelling is a wonderful dream come true. Life is short so live for the moment.
Lots of love always, Mich xoxoxoxo
0 -
Hey Christine
A big welcome to you and so glad you decided to join us and blog. I definitely relate to the so called returning to normal. Unfortunately life will never quite be how it used to be for us. We have had a life changing experience and nothing is going to take that away. I just decided people will have to get used to the new me and I am not going to pretend to be normal to make others happy.
I also relate to your having a damn good cry. I haven't done much of that myself just the occasional little outburst but crying is so healing and I am sure has helped you in some way to get it out.
I am so glad you have found us on this website and decided to share with us. Like Chris says there were a lot of virgin bloggers prior to BC and finding BCNA but you will find it is a great place to be. I am nearly 12 months since my so called final treatment but unfortunately it doesn't end there so that is why we continue to return to blogging and our pink sisters and for me what has become my other family. I have made so many new very special and beautiful friends through BCNA.
I hope you also find a lot of support.
Off and travelling is a wonderful dream come true. Life is short so live for the moment.
Lots of love always, Mich xoxoxoxo
0 -
I feel we have reached the "Wise Women:"stage in our lives, some prematurely cos of our diagnosis. I agree about your reluctance to communicate with superficial people, we haven't the energy or will to do that!
It is SO relaxing to be in the company of others who have dealt with similar health issues.
Bel, our meeting next Tuesday (night) has Mandy Gillies from Encore Program coming and the Sept meeting, morning, we will have lovely undies to see with Chrissie from Dickory Dock, Melb. They source their products from Europe.
Take care and keep smiling, xxMandy
0
