New to This

RenataW

Hi I had a mammogram, followed by an ultrasound and a core biopsy last Friday and today saw the specialist and found out I have Invasive lobular breast cancer, possibly stage 2. Not all results have come back yet. I have to have a bone scan on Thursday and a CT scan followed by an MRI the following week, then surgery the week after. I cant stop crying and feel like a weakling as I know there are many others that are worse off in this world. But I am so scared. I keep thinking they will find it everywhere. At this stage my doctor doesn't think that it is in the lymph nodes but checking the rest of my body just in case. I am a counsellor and think that I should be able to handle this, I think about how I would treat a client going through this but it doesn't help, its all doom and gloom. I hope this doesn't trigger any bad or negative feelings in anyone as when I read back what I have written I start crying again.
Well thats me, hello everyone.

Blossom1961

Hi @RenataW Sorry you had to join us here but you will find so much support and know you are not alone. Firstly, big deep breaths. You can do this. You are stronger than you think. Second, crying is okay. I doubt there are very many on here that didn't lose it when first diagnosed. It is very traumatic and I believe that crying gives us strength by letting it out so that we can move forward. 

It is fantastic your doctor is doing the scans to make sure. Some doctors neglect to do this and leaves the person wondering if it has spread. Doing the scans puts our minds in a much better place in the long run. It sounds like you have caught it early and the doctor agrees. Whilst waiting for the scans, keep yourself busy. Make some meals to freeze for when you really can't face cooking. Go out with friends and find someone you feel comfortable talking to. If you do not have anyone, find out who the McGrath Breast Care nurse is in your area as they will be able to reassure you. On top of that, you have us, and we are an awesome lot  .

Sending you massive hugs. Some of the others will get on here with more practical advice. I can always remember one lady saying to me, pull up your big girl panties and you can do this. I told her my panties were already over my head and I couldn't pull them up any higher. Cry, scream, laugh, do whatever it takes to let it out and feel good about doing so. Look up the post called Friday Funnies, some of the posts are a bit dark but at least some will cause you to smile again.

RenataW

thank you for your message, I also feel like my big girl panties are over my head and have holes in them 

June1952

Hello @RenataW,  Welcome to the group none of us eve thought we'd have a need to join. 

As a counsellor you can sit back and think clearly for your client but when it is you being affected the emotions get in the way so don't feel that you are a failure.  As we all say, take things one day at a time and don't try to think or plan ahead as you may be looking down the wrong path.  Things become clearer and fall into place.

As @Blossom1961 said we have probably all had a melt-down at some stage.  I was doing great until the surgeon left and the nurse patted my knee, saying "you are taking this so well".  Ha Ha.

As long as you trust your medico and feel they are communicating with you then you are ahead.  You are getting the whole gambit of tests which some of us were not even offered so that is good.

Do you have family and friends who can be a support to you ?  Take someone with you to appointments as they are a second pair of ears - again, your emotions can get in the way and you are contemplating one comment when the specialist is onto the next.  You can also ask to record the appointment so you can listen later.

All the best.  Stay in touch and remember that we are here for you - no question is too small or too silly.

RenataW

thank you so much for your message, yes I have my support, my husband came with me today. At this stage I feel I need to process on my own and not reach out to support, is that normal?  apart from you guys, which have already made me feel better, I also feel like I cant move, I'm in the same clothes I wore to the doctor and in the same chair. I know I will be better, I'm just processing and crying on and off.

Spursy

Hi Renata
It's such a shock to hear , it's cancer, that all you can do is cry! All the tests help the surgeon, and you, as the least, invasive the operation, the better. Plus, it's stage 2 as was mine, and I  had a mastectomy and feel fine after. It's only been 2 months for me  and our outcomes today are so much better.  Best wishes.  

RenataW

thanks, did you choose to have a mastectomy or was it required?

arpie

Sorry to see you here with us, @RenataW ... as a counsellor yourself, you'll no doubt 'think' that you'd be better at handling the diagnosis, as you've probably helped others before, with theirs.   But sadly, it doesn't always work like that.     I'd nursed my husband thru his original cancer diagnosis & removal of most of his stomach back in 2010 .... so I was really shocked when my reaction to my own BC diagnosis in 2018 'upset' me so much - cos it is 100% natural to be totally shocked & stunned - and crying is a natural outlet xx  

Lean on your family & friends - they just don't know what to say or do to 'make it better' ..... so they'll take their responses from you ... if you clam up, so will they xx   I told as many friends & family as I thought 'needed to know' - and kept them updated with an email every week or two - it was better than 're-explaining' it to everyone who called or dropped in!   Let them know that you'll get back to them when you are ready - so you aren't answering your phone all the time & repeating stuff.

Have a listen to Charlotte Tottman's Podcasts on BC ... she is also a BC Counsellor/psychologist who was diagnosed in 2018 (she had a double mastectomy and remained 'flat') .... She was also amazed at her own reactions to her diagnosis .... and has done 2 x Podcast Series that are well worth listening to.  She is VERY easy to listen to - and having had the same diagnosis, fears, surgery, chemo etc - she just 'gets it'!  xx
Click on 'See 22 tracks' and start on Track 13 (the first one of Series One) then if you go thru all of them (at your leisure) then click on No 1 to listen to the 2nd series xx
https://soundcloud.com/search?q=charlotte tottman

You can read a bit about her here too (see document at the bottom) .... 

Let it out - if you are in the car - do a giant AAAAAAGGGHHHHH!!   Sounds weird - but it is quite cathartic! xx.  Everyone asks 'Why Me'?   But they do NOT KNOW!   It is just pure bad luck (unless you know ther have been other family members diagnosed, in which case it may be genetic.)   I am the first & only member in my family that I am aware of, to have a cancer diagnosis - but remember that Cancer is a WORD, not a SENTENCE xx.   

Put trust in your team ..... write down any questions that you have for them .....  consider recording your sessions on your phone as it is difficult to remember everything that is discussed at the time.  After you've finished your active treatment - sure, go on your own - but whilst you are still facing surgery & 'other choices' .... have someone you can trust 100% with you xx. For both physical and emotional support.  This disease really mucks with your BRAIN even more than your body - and that is probably what scares us more than anything .... as we are used to being 'in control'!

Jump onto this thread - which gives lots of tips on facing surgery and other areas on the forum that you might like to join in ... we have bits on art & crafts, gardens, furkids & even humour ..... there are 'tick sheets' down the bottom that you can click on, to 'self assess' your physical & mental progress .... you can also call our Helpline on 1800 500 258 too ... for a chat xx
https://onlinenetwork.bcna.org.au/discussion/23477/a-big-welcome-to-all-our-new-members#latest

Take care, be kind to yourself xx

RenataW

thank you so much for your answer, you are all amazing people on here and I appreciate every message I have got. I think the pod casts are such a good idea, I will listen to them. 
thank you again xxx

iserbrown

https://www.bcna.org.au/resource-hub/podcasts/episode-22-invasive-lobular-carcinoma/

https://www.bcna.org.au/resource-hub/articles/types-of-breast-cancer/

A couple of links that will hopefully settle your anxiety!

You mentioned you are a Counsellor.   Once you've done some research on the predicament you are in hopefully you maybe able to talk to yourself as a client. 
My advice, like others have said, deep breaths,  go for a walk or sit out on the verandah with a cuppa!  You have the knowledge thus far that it's not in the lymph nodes, how good is that!  All the scans will give a clearer picture and the best treatment plan can be established!
Deep breaths!
Take care

MrsMorrisey

It’s massively crap being told you have cancer. Allow yourself to feel really sad for as long as you need. You’ll come good and you’ll stand up and think right let’s get this sorted. 

One thing I read on here is the anxiety and fear lessens when you know what is going to happen. 

It’s very true. Once you have all the info and you’ve researched the crap out of your cancer, you’ll feel much better when you’ve got a treatment plan from your doctors. 

Majority of us get better. It’s just sucks going through it xxx

Tri

Hi @RenataW I echo all the comments above. 

You’re a real star for being able to express your feelings and for speaking up. 

I found the phase of diagnosis you’re in to be super tough when I was diagnosed 12 months ago and in my case, I felt impatient and powerless. 

It’s an unwelcome disease but I hope once you’re involved in planning your treatment the practical progress will be a comfort to you. 

You’ll find a lot of people on the network recommend writing down what you have been told in a journal.

Looking back I wished I had set up a small group on my messaging (WhatsApp) so I didn’t have to send so many individual texts. I felt like I wanted to be more present with my immediate family as we processed each test result or piece of news. 

Wishing you the best and some calming and peaceful moments over the next few weeks of tests. 

RenataW

thanks guys for all the info, still have bad thoughts and lots of crying.

arpie

xx Please consider Ringing our Helpline, and have a chat @RenataW .... 1800 500 258 .... They'll be only too happy to support you xx

Whilst waiting for all my results, I just went fishing in my kayak every day .... it really helped take my mind of things - cos it is our mind that is going off on a tangent just now ....  and imagining all sorts of evil things 

take care xx

RenataW

thank you xx

Afraser

Crying is a natural release, bad thoughts not so good. The following may prove helpful:

Write down all the things you are grateful for and cherish. When facing things we are not prepared for, it’s easy to forget all the good things in life. They are still there.

Get outdoors at least once in the day. Walk, sit on the back verandah, look at the sky, listen to the birds (or the rain). Reconnect with the big world, feel the earth slowly turn. 

If you like music, listen to it. Doesn’t matter what, anything that calms your brain.

Try and laugh once a day - even in bad times, the world can be funny or absurd. The physical act of laughing is cheering by itself.

Most of all, live hour by hour, day by day. No what ifs. You can sear your soul by imagining things that may never happen. Deal with what is, not what might be. Planning is for later when you feel in control again. And you will. 

Best wishes.