Home from Surgery

Hi, I'm home now (yesterday) and it's over.   On the morning of my mastectomy surgery (Monday 18 May)  I was feeling quite anxious but trying to remain positive at the same time.   The staff were lovely but I found not as friendly as my first lot of treatment for wide local excision with nodes removal or perhaps it was me with more major surgery to have and super aware of everything around me!  In recovery I had quite a bit of pain they had trouble getting me to a pain free point.    Then taken back to a room to stay overnight.     I was advised to peek at my scar as soon as possible and not to avoid looking as I would feel worse if I delayed looking.    I could see a line of stitches when I looked down through my gown and thought well that's it!    Snoozed in and out a bit with some pain relief.  But didn't sleep much through the night.    Doctors and Nurses saw me on Tuesday morning and asked how I felt and said they would perhaps look at sending me home on Wednesday and I could stay Tuesday night and sort out the pain relief issues.  Nurse said to have a shower and see if this made me feel better.  Well being a bigger girl getting dressed and undressed in front of a stranger is something I have struggled with. I married my first boyfriend!    Young female Nurse was lovely and said she would help me.  Being an independent person and sometimes stubborn I said I would try myself.  Managed to get undressed - not easy I tell you.   Someone needs to invent Velcro undies so I don't have to bend down to remove undies.  I managed to fling them off around the room avoiding looking at myself.  I turned the water on.  Put my heavy drain tube bottles on the floor.  Turned the water on and looked in the mirror.  Well the sobs came loud and hard.  The running water didn't drown them out as I had hoped.  I knew I had to let it all out so I could deal with it and move on.  Lovely nurse called out.  Are you crying.   I said nooooo.   Sobbed louder.  She said it's OK if you are, are you crying and I said yesssss.  She said do you want a hand.  God no, because now I was a hideous deformed beast!  Stayed in the shower a long time and was ready to attack anyone who said it's time to get out.  Someone else would like some hot water!   Took a long time drying myself and put my brain back into gear with well - bad boob gone, want to live.  It will heal.   The hardest thing now was how do I get my legs through my undies!  Wrapped myself in a towel and asked the nurse for some help.  She was lovely.   Wishing I had packed a lipstick because I wanted a bit of colour of my face.   Nurse said I would feel better after breakfast.  Had a few bites of breakfast and then threw it all up.   Waste of a good shower.    Got cleaned up again and had black tea and savoy biscuits