Home from Surgery
Locksley
Member Posts: 978 ✭
Hi, I'm home now (yesterday) and it's over. On the morning of my mastectomy surgery (Monday 18 May) I was feeling quite anxious but trying to remain positive at the same time. The staff were lovely but I found not as friendly as my first lot of treatment for wide local excision with nodes removal or perhaps it was me with more major surgery to have and super aware of everything around me! In recovery I had quite a bit of pain they had trouble getting me to a pain free point. Then taken back to a room to stay overnight. I was advised to peek at my scar as soon as possible and not to avoid looking as I would feel worse if I delayed looking. I could see a line of stitches when I looked down through my gown and thought well that's it! Snoozed in and out a bit with some pain relief. But didn't sleep much through the night. Doctors and Nurses saw me on Tuesday morning and asked how I felt and said they would perhaps look at sending me home on Wednesday and I could stay Tuesday night and sort out the pain relief issues. Nurse said to have a shower and see if this made me feel better. Well being a bigger girl getting dressed and undressed in front of a stranger is something I have struggled with. I married my first boyfriend! Young female Nurse was lovely and said she would help me. Being an independent person and sometimes stubborn I said I would try myself. Managed to get undressed - not easy I tell you. Someone needs to invent Velcro undies so I don't have to bend down to remove undies. I managed to fling them off around the room avoiding looking at myself. I turned the water on. Put my heavy drain tube bottles on the floor. Turned the water on and looked in the mirror. Well the sobs came loud and hard. The running water didn't drown them out as I had hoped. I knew I had to let it all out so I could deal with it and move on. Lovely nurse called out. Are you crying. I said nooooo. Sobbed louder. She said it's OK if you are, are you crying and I said yesssss. She said do you want a hand. God no, because now I was a hideous deformed beast! Stayed in the shower a long time and was ready to attack anyone who said it's time to get out. Someone else would like some hot water! Took a long time drying myself and put my brain back into gear with well - bad boob gone, want to live. It will heal. The hardest thing now was how do I get my legs through my undies! Wrapped myself in a towel and asked the nurse for some help. She was lovely. Wishing I had packed a lipstick because I wanted a bit of colour of my face. Nurse said I would feel better after breakfast. Had a few bites of breakfast and then threw it all up. Waste of a good shower. Got cleaned up again and had black tea and savoy biscuits
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Comments
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It’s tough and it hurts - your heart and your body. I am 7 months past my mastectomy and I don’t feel like I am grieving that breast anymore but I do feel the loss of the body I had before somehow. Hang in there - this will pass and you will adjust. Sending a big hug xx6
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Oh dear, @Locksley - your story brought a tear to my eyes
Please don't see yourself hideously deformed! xx You are battle-scarred - that's all! And the surgery has gotten rid of the bad bit! Wear your scars with pride!
I hope you've got over the nausea & are feeling better now & able to eat - and also less pain. Make sure you take your pain meds every 4hrs (or whatever they tell you) and don't let the pain sneak back by NOT taking the meds!
Make haste slowly .... do what you can - and ask for help with things you can't. Your family & friends would be only too pleased to be able to help you. It helps THEM, to help YOU! xx
take care & all the best for your results & ongoing treatment4 -
That's one thing you never have to do again. Which is cold comfort. Onward .MXX2
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You are so brave and write so well. Big gentle hug. Take the advice above, from those who've been there. xxx3
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Hi @Locksley
Wishing you an uneventful and speedy recovery. I think half the time it's our emotions and fear that need to recover!
Thinking of you (and let it out when you need to! )xx2 -
What an honest account, it took me right back to my mastectomy last September. I found from my experience it is a big op and it’s OK to go gentle on yourself here for your recovery.Take as much pain relief as you REALLY need and watch out for nausea and constipation that some painkillers can add in to the mix- take your antinausea meds at first sign....consider early intervention for bowels, don’t wait and hope....
...On the positive side, now is the time for rest, sleep and restore. Fluffy slippers and warm dressing gown, cups of tea and a good book?It does get better it really does. Every time I look in the mirror now I’m less confronted by the flat side, I think it will come a day that I don’t even notice.
Lots of love Tinks xx5 -
Hi Locksley,what a rough 24hrs you had.I know how you feel and a mastectomy takes abit of getting used to.It’s ok to look in the mirror and feel hideous -those feelings will improve. Just do whatever helps you cope and get through this stage.You did well to have a shower so soon.I couldn’t cope with that so just had basin washes for 3days!I also didn’t particularly want my husband to see my chest and that’s ok too.Go your own pace darl.3
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So I have just found your story so far, and it brought tears to my eyes. It definitely is a shock that very first time you see yourself after op, but you will move on its all part of healing and getting on with your life, I thought the same that the bad is out so let's begin the next stage bit by bit, stay strong and plenty of rest 👍 love the velcro idea lol😊2
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Hi @Locksley
I had a mastectomy (no reconstruction) over seven years ago. Being big boobed, my first sight of the site (so to speak) was pretty much as I expected - hopelessly lop sided. But lop sided is a term you can live with - if you think of yourself as hideous or deformed, it makes acceptance all that much harder, even if you go for reconstruction. When my daughter was born after a very long labour, I very quickly saw her as normal (even if she was immediately nicknamed ‘my little rocket head’ ) and every other baby on the ward was curiously flat headed! You are what you are - no need for comparisons, no-one else is you. If you love and accept your body, at any time, you set the norm for everyone else. Best wishes.3 -
@jennyss Thank you for your wishes. Yes am doing better now thank you. I am so thankful for this forum. I am sure I would feel very differently if I had all my questions and thoughts bottled up instead of being able to ask and share them. I am also holding onto my twisted sense of humour as well. Am about to buckle up as my chemo treatment has been brought forward from 4 weeks to start next Thursday 4 June. Wednesday 3 June I have a heart scan. Thursday 4 June I am getting a port in the morning and then start my first cycle of chemo in the afternoon. Cheers Locksley.
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Ports can be moody, and you might find you are really sore. It's worth it. Chemo like a pro. Mxx2
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The Amazons were reputed to cut off a breast so that it didn't get in the way of the bow. You are now an Amazon warrior. (Worked for me.)7
