Forum Discussion
Breaking up with your oncologist
hi all,
im new to this forum and about half way through my AC/taxol chemo ‘journey’.
I’m a stage 3 triple positive, on the menu is chemo, mastectomy, radiation, hercepton and likely neratinib (when I get sick of constipation and want to change it up a little).
I have an oncologist and whilst she is nice, I just don’t feel like I click with her. I feel like I’m being provided a service and I seldom leave her appointments uplifted. She’s pretty black and white and straight down the line. Trying to make her laugh with my satirical humour is almost impossible. I’ve been trying to crack her now for a good 12 weeks. No joy.
However my surgeon and my new radio oncologist when I meet them, I feel happy afterward.
A friend says I’m mad to stick with her and should find a new oncologist. So I’m just wondering has anyone had any experience with finding a new oncologist and the reasons that they did so? And also, how they did it?
i feel like if I leave I should be kind and find a way to explain ‘it’s not you it me, we just don’t click’. Because she’s not crap, she’s just maybe not someone I’d have a wine with.
Thanks!
im new to this forum and about half way through my AC/taxol chemo ‘journey’.
I’m a stage 3 triple positive, on the menu is chemo, mastectomy, radiation, hercepton and likely neratinib (when I get sick of constipation and want to change it up a little).
I have an oncologist and whilst she is nice, I just don’t feel like I click with her. I feel like I’m being provided a service and I seldom leave her appointments uplifted. She’s pretty black and white and straight down the line. Trying to make her laugh with my satirical humour is almost impossible. I’ve been trying to crack her now for a good 12 weeks. No joy.
However my surgeon and my new radio oncologist when I meet them, I feel happy afterward.
A friend says I’m mad to stick with her and should find a new oncologist. So I’m just wondering has anyone had any experience with finding a new oncologist and the reasons that they did so? And also, how they did it?
i feel like if I leave I should be kind and find a way to explain ‘it’s not you it me, we just don’t click’. Because she’s not crap, she’s just maybe not someone I’d have a wine with.
Thanks!
24 Replies
- @iserbrown I am seeing an Oncologist every 6 months now.
- Both my Onc and Rad Oncs are in the public system and I’ve only seen a locum Onc once as mine had a baby. Next appt is back with her again. Both Oncs are female and fabulous. My Rad Onc has been praised by my surgeon in my Rads treatment, given the resulting texture in my Rads breast. She has also been the most proactive Of my whole team. I can’t fault my experience with the public system and being rural you often have to take what you get. My surgeon referred me to the Rad Onc and I’ve been with her ever since. I didn’t gel with my original Onc so swapped to my current one who had worked with my Rad Onc!
- @Keeping_positive1
How often do you see the Oncologist team? Regardless it is about the quality of treatment - are you still in the middle of treatment?
- @shs14 I can't complain about all of the oncologists they have been great, but when I hear of others saying it is important to have rapport with your oncologist, all I can say is which one? They have their different personalities, some I gel with more than others, and a learning curve to test how adaptable I am. I cannot fault the care I get, all my oncologists I see have been marvellous, just too many of them. It is great you had one oncologist, and also great you got a wonderful surgeon also, as did I.
- Hi @Keeping_positive1 I'm in the public system and chose my surgeon (who also has private patients) and I have had the same oncologist the whole time. My surgery was two days later than it could have been if I was private. I feel well cared for and happy that I'm not paying extra for the same excellent treatment. I'm sorry to hear you have had a different experience and different doctors but great you got a wonderful surgeon!
- @Blondy I was talking about my experience with the public system and seeing many different oncologists, but so pleased that is not everyones experience. :) Day oncology and the nurses are wonderful, but it leaves me a bit dissatisfied with having to just see whichever oncologist for the day. So lucky you had a different experience, as we don't usually get to chose in the public system, nor do we get to chose the surgeon, but thankfully my surgeon was wonderful, I couldn't have picked a better surgeon if I had been paying privately.
Some have been disappointed with their private hospital experience, so I guess it works both ways. - @Keeping_positive
There was no private facilities near me and I was put into the public system. I have only ever seen the same 2 oncs The service has been exemplary .I have been very well looked after. I was seen within a week of surgery and started chemo a month after surgery and 5 weeks after chemo started rads. No different than paying privately. - @NewBoobsPLS, I'm in WA, so mine's a bit far for you to travel, I hope you find your perfect fit.
- I am so over seeing a different oncologist each time, but that is what you usually get through the public system, and it is so hard to build up a rapport, and getting different advise and perspectives does not provide me with much confidence. If I could have gone private I would go back and do it much differently. Like some say here the relationship with your oncologist is an important one so choose carefully and consider private if able, although I haven't completely lost faith in the oncologists I see, just that I don't feel fully listened to, nor do they know me well, it feels more like I am a number on their long list they need to get through for the day. Bless them though, because we do need oncologists that are not just interested in their private practices.
- @blondy and @Kattykit who was your onc???
