new member Soccermum1 seeking support

SoldierCrab

Soccermum1 posted this on the Activity page 
I have made a new discussion so she will get some replies etc. 

soccermum1

Hello everyone
I was diagnosed with early stage breast cancer on about 15 March 2019.

I have been told that it is a contained mass in the left breast and has not impacted on lympth nodes or any other parts of my body so i know how very fortunate i am.

I live in a very small country town so because of the length of time I had to wait to be able to access medical attention i chose to temporarily relocate to Sydney and am currently staying with my daughter and son . 

In the last couple of weeks I have been able to have all the required scans, tests and biopsies required and am now under the medicale care of a lovely surgeon, oncologist and special care nurse based at Royal North Shore hospital.

2 weeks ago I started my chemotherapy. At this stage I will be having 6 treaments and then removal of the lump followed by radiation.

I am also the carer for my 86 year old mother who i had to bring with me and care for everyday.

My question to other members is...... how dl you cope with tne complete and utter sadness and feelings of just being so overwhelmed. 

My mother is too elderly and doesnt discuss it at all. Her day goes on as usual. I have 22 year old twins. My son is in the police force and although if he is off he will take me to the doctors he doesn't seem to understand why i feel so frightened and sad. He was with me when the oncologist said that my tests results were good and that she is confident that i can make a full recovery from this. 
My daughter works in childcare in the city and thinks its a matter of having the treatment and thrn surgery and all will be fixed.

Are feelings of sadness, being totally overwhelmed and absolute terror normal or am i just being too sorry for myself.

Any helpful suggestions would be appreciated.

Thanks everyone..

SoldierCrab

hi @soccermum1
It is very normal to have those emotions and feelings. when we begin this roller coaster ride it can be a whirlwind of appointments and each adding another stressor... 
those who have not had Breast Cancer dont get it 
We do and are happy to share our experiences with you to help you get through the ride you didnt ask to go on. 
be gentle with yourself. 
If you feel it would be good to chat to someone the ladies on the BCNA helpline are very helpful. 

BCNA Helpline 1800 500 258

If you have any questions, concerns or require any further
information or support please call 1800 500 258. BCNA’s helpline will now be open from
9am-6pm Monday to Thursday and 9am to 5pm Fridays.  

Soldiercrab

AllyJay

Hi there @soccermum1, I also had my chemo and surgery at Royal North Shore Hospital, finished the poisoning and slicing and dicing in 2018. Unless you have been diagnosed and treated for cancer, a person has no idea...at all. They don't get that it's not the same as having gall stones...simple...remove diseased gall bladder, take some pills and ta raaa...alllll better now. Nah, no matter how successful all the treatment, no matter being declared NED (No Evidence of Disease), no matter how quickly (or not) you may recover physically, at the back of your mind will always be the ghostly whispers of "I'll be back". One drop of blood on the loo paper...oh lord, it's back...no piles actually. A simple headache...oh god no, it's gone to my brain...no, you need a new pillow. This is the legacy we have, to a larger or lesser degree. We get it, we understand the gut churning panic and here in this group is a safe place to share. If however, you feel the stress is too much to handle, speak to your breast care nurse, your GP or others on your medical team. Ask for help and keep asking till you receive it. Sending you a big cyber (((hug)))...Ally.

Afraser

As everyone has already said, your reactions are very normal. That said, how people cope with those reactions varies enormously. My mother was in her late 80s when I was diagnosed and in residential care. I had a great advantage in being able to talk to staff about how/if to tell her and benefitted greatly from their advice (yes, let her be part of it). I didn't burden her with too much detail but she was very supportive and the whole thing gave her a new lease of life! It's easy for friends and relatives to be reassured by an early diagnosis and good prognosis (and all of that is really good) but most cancer patients have a period (long or short) where their mortality smacks them in the face and usually finds them unprepared. I found it easier to concentrate on the business of treatment at first and deal with getting to grips with mortality a bit later, when I had got to grips with the idea and also realised that it wasn't imminent! Don't expect to be a resilient ray of sunshine! Take it all one step at a time, it's easy to be overwhelmed. I also benefitted from a short time with a smart, savvy counsellor - cancer can drag up a lot of stuff and while my issues were pretty straightforward (long term denial of ageing or death!!), relationships and past history can all get an unexpected revisit. A professional good counsellor can do what family often can't. Think of it as simple medicine for your mind/soul - you would do it in an instant for your body. Best wishes. PS 6 years on, still doing pretty well everything I used to, heading off on holiday soon. There is a life after a cancer diagnosis and it can be a very good one. 

kezmusc

Welcome @soccermum1,

This is a wonderful place for support and love.  We have all felt sorry for ourselves along the way, plus fear and just down right anger at the whole darn situation. 
Everybody here knows exactly how you are feeling.  It is a rollercoaster.  Swinging from "yep, I got this" to cloudy fog of doom and despair. My twins were three days of turning 18 when I found out.  Happy Birthday right?

How to cope with it?  Well everyone does things in their own way.  For me, I  got busy.  Busy enough so I didn't have to think.  I renovated, repaired, patched, painted, went camping ( I hate camping) dug out weeds (I hate gardening too).  Anything that would stop me thinking about it.   The more normal things I did, the better I coped.   I banned any talk of breast cancer at social functions and the more normal things I could put in my life the better.  

Everybody thinks you just get the treatment done and go back to normal afterwards. They don't know any better and let's hope they never do.   No body who hasn't been there understands.  There is a fairly similar thread throughout the whole thing, there are a lot of variations and individualty of course, but as you start reading through you will find lots of helpful tips, tricks and coping ideas on the forum.  There is so much information available here and most of the time it's far more useful than any doctor will tell you.  They tend to leave out the emotional side of things.  This forum is where you can come for that support.

It is a long road with a lot of mountains to climb but you will be ok.  You will get it done and when you are finished, slowly, slowly the glimmers of light start to appear.  All the best lovely.
xoxoxoxox

Blossom1961

Hi @soccermum1 Have a look at the Positive thought for the day thread. It has some great sayings and shows you that What you are going through is so normal for us, it is scary. We understand to a degree because we have been there and a lot of us still are in that same place. I think this disease separates us into the have hads and the have nots. The have hads understand. Just keep coming here and you will get support that is amazing. I feel like this is my family, and just as dysfunctional! Big hugs

Sister

Welcome @soccermum1 You're right - they don't get it and you have to hope that they never will.  It might be a good idea if you can access some counselling if you're feeling very down.  The first few weeks after diagnosis are a real head-trip so don't think that you're going crazy - I swung from numbness to terror to absolute despair and back again during that time.  You may want to investigate whether there are any face-to-face support groups close to you although I do realise that you're not at home at the moment so any connections will be short-lived.  I suspect that is contributing to your feeling of isolation as well although the diagnosis is isolating enough without that.

Romla

@soccermum the Cancer Council has a telephone Cancer Connect Service where they pair you with someone who has had a similar cancer.I accessed this at a very low point and found my person very uplifting and helpful.She was thousands of kilometres away in the Sunshine Coast but I will never forget her tinkling Irish accent and her voice so full of life.She rang me twice and was enough to get me moving looking for the help I needed some of which I found at the back of the My Journey book as well as finding this blog.

Artferret

@soccermum1 take a deep breath and then let out a huge primal scream...i had felt like doing that several times in the first 12 months. I was also dealing with my husband's diagnosis of prostate cancer the month before me. The emotional rollercoaster is the hardest aspect to deal with because it just feels never ending. Everything happens so quickly medical wise, decisions to be made,  all the information thrown at you and this is while you are feeling pretty shitty. As the others have said, take things one step at a time. If you need help from your kids ask them, don't wait for them to offer and don't feel guilty for asking. And no you are not being too sorry for yourself. Lamenting, ranting about and being just plain angry about what we have lost and what we now have to put up with is something we have all gone through and for some, still going through.  Your 'normal' life has just been turned upside down and this 'new normal' has taken over.
It takes time, lots of being kind to yourself and if needed seeing a mental health professional,  i know that helped me. Try this...
 When things get tough, sit yourself down, close your eyes, take a few deep breaths, open your eyes and think of 5 things you can see, hear and touch from where you are sitting. I found this was a very calming activity to do and was one my psychologist taught me. 
And you know what? Best of all, you've got us, here on the forum, because we know exactly where you're coming from. So hop on anytime, ask us anything, vent your feelings and know that we'll be there to give you lots of virtual hugs ...here's mine now...HUG!
Cathxx

primek

@soccermum1 I would swing with feeling confident of beating ot to being convinced I would die from it.

The pink campaign although has raised awareness and money, has also made people think its just a boob off some chemo and on you go. Dying isn't discussed . Side effects both physically and emotionally isn't discussed. But it is here. We totally get it and are here for you. Many of us are now cancer survivors, but still struggle with all that entails. Kath x