I soooo need to blog!
So here I am, still waiting for a treatment plan, which I am to receive on 18th October 2011, including my first bout of treatment. I had my first Psychologist visit today which was very worthwhile. Having said that, my anxiety levels are still high...due to the waiting! I had my first ever full body bone (CT) scan on Tuesday and to be honest, I felt quite traumatised at the end of it. I normally dont have any problems with scans or tests, but because of the seriousness of this one, and what is at stake, my anxiety levels got the better of me and I ended up in tears. Turning around to watch my skeleton on the screen, lighting up in certain areas just freaked me out! I was certain I saw cancer due to the lightened areas, but my sister tried to convince me that I was jumping the gun, as we are not trained to interpret the scans!! The radiologist clearly knew what the results were, but said "I'm very sorry, I cant say anything. I cant give you any good or bad news. You will get your results on Tuesday".......ONE WEEK AWAY! Long time to wait to know what's in store! I already know I have lung mets, and I strongly suspect bone mets too due to lower back pain (although I do not know for sure obviously). So if this is the case what will this mean for me? If I have 2 mets is this a terminal diagnosis? or can these two be treated together? I have so many questions but am scared to get the answers...and the waiting is dreadful...I just want to get treatment started so that I can feel active in all this. I feel terrifed of what I may discover on Tuesday.....that the diagnosis is more serious than first thought. To try to feel some control over this siutation I am changing my diet, meditating and taking supplements (in addition to any treatment I will receive). I feel a little better that I am doing something at least. While I want Tuesday to come around quicker, I am scared too....what will happen? will there be any further shocks? how will i cope...will I be able to "dance in the rain?"