What do I do?

LAMA70 Member Posts: 2
My baby sister turns 42 next week. She is facing the end of her life with breast cancer now in her bones, liver, lungs and brain. Every moment I have left is a moment I treasure. I want to scream, I often cry and when I am with her I always try to smile. She is the bravest woman I know. I would be so grateful for any ideas about how I can be just as brave and graceful for her. 


  • arpie
    arpie Member Posts: 7,684
    edited December 2018
    I am SO sorry.   My heart goes out to both you and your sister and your families ..... 

    Having you with her as often as you can, supporting her and her family is the most you can do.  

    Let her know that you're willing to listen — and never underestimate the value of your presence. Even if it feels as if you're not doing anything, your presence sends an important message. 

    Does she have young children?  Perhaps encourage her to talk about her life - create memories for the children. Talking about memories can also help affirm that the person's life mattered and that they will be remembered.  

    Being able to do that with a smile is so tough.  I don't know what else to suggest - other than what you are doing.  I am guessing she is confined to home at this point?  

    Does she have a favourite treat that you can share with her?  (I'd be sucking on Rum & Coke, myself!) 

    I am thinking of you and your sister and sending big hugs to you both.

    Everything else we are going thru just pales into insignificance.  :(   

    take care xxxx
  • LAMA70
    LAMA70 Member Posts: 2
    Thank you @arpie and sister, its very comforting to read your words. I looked up the Otis Foundation, they seem amazing.
  • Karenhappyquilter
    Karenhappyquilter Member Posts: 242
    Very sorry for your great loss.

    When my dear sister in law was dying from metastatic cancer, we tried to take our lead from her.  In her case she was very happy to see close family and a few friends.  She always seemed so happy to see us and we visited often.  Often not for too long because she tired easily.  

    We often bought food with us for her husband so she wasn’t exposed to cooking smells which made her ill.

      One day she wanted to give her jewelry to my daughter and she talked about every piece. It was very moving.  

    When I said how sorry I was that she was dying she said “ we all die”.  

    She had such grace and calm and I get very moved now thinking about this. 
  • kmakm
    kmakm Member Posts: 7,974
    Hi @LAMA70. How are you and your sister doing?

    My younger sister died from breast cancer at 47 two and a half years ago. It was an excruciating time. I wish I could offer some comforting words but there just aren't any. It's moment by moment, being present and attentive, accepting of the rage, the tears, the laughter, whatever each minute presents.

    My sister left two young children in my care, and seemed to draw comfort from reassurances that they would be loved and cared for.

    Thinking of you, K xox