Remember our words can impact others.

It is with regret I will become much less active on the site. I will continue to support people in groups or who pm me but feel I need to step away from the  site.

I'm  afraid I'm disappointed with the BCNA community with its disrespect of all members. We were all so hot on having males  feel included with the name of the Beacon, but have no respect that  there are people of varying ages, backgrounds etc and people are taking great pleasure in putting down others who find  language choices or point of view offensive.

Whilst I swear like a sailor myself, I am mindful of the  environment I am in. I am aware others can and do feel uncomfortable with profanity. Whilst I get we want to support someone who was offended when asked to rethink their typed language. I'm  afraid a number people who have supported her (myself included ) have decided to use the opportunity to be nasty and rude to others  who found the languange confronting. This shows to me we are no longer a supporting inclusive community. Sadly.

Basically the threads recently have forgotten why we are hear. To support each other  with breast cancer. 

Moderators are required here as people don't think before they speak at times. If you want a site without moderator oversight...then there  is always facebook.

Anyway. It's been a great 2 years and I feel I have paid it forward to others. I have made lifelong friends through here and this site has got me through many difficult days. But I guess it's time for others to step up.

Kath x



  • Afraser
    Afraser Member Posts: 4,388

    You have been a towering presence on this site. Your careful research, patience at all times, encouraging words and your honesty about your own feelings and experience have inspired so many and humbled me. 

    I know that you will not have taken this step lightly and will therefore not ask you to stay at this time. I think a break is not a bad thing for any of us. But please send us a postcard from time to time as we will miss your good counsel, your generosity and your love. And we will want to know you are travelling well, motorbike leathers and all. 

    Look after yourself, keep well, live with laughter! 

  • wendy55
    wendy55 Member Posts: 774
    Dear @primek,
    well what do I say, I feel more like crying to be honest,I am not going to write a long post, I am past that, it just seems that everything you have addressed is so true, especially why we are here, I do not participate in any form of social media and have never done so, I have enough to deal with my 16 year old grandaughter being the subject of on line bullying, that I have also taken a back step here on line, it took me 18 months after diagnosis to get the confidence to actually put up a post and the support and encouragement I have received has been amazing, I feel that I "know" all of you as friends,
    please know at least from me that all of your words of encouragement, support and all of you advice has been very very much appreciated, who knows we might even meet along "the track" one day,
    with much love and appreciation,

  • Romla
    Romla Member Posts: 2,092
    Oh no @ primek  . I too feel like crying at the thought of losing your wise counsel and warm presence on this site .

    Many will take on board your censure and hopefully some modify their conduct to exercise tolerance of difference and reflect on the power of the written word .

    Whilst we are all different we do all share a common goal to survive this awful disease .Tearing  each other apart helps nobody.

    Please return when you feel you can - I for one will miss you greatly.
  • Romla
    Romla Member Posts: 2,092
    PS I agree the odd photo of you in your leathers with that joyous smile would be nice to see 
  • Molly001
    Molly001 Member Posts: 419
    Oh no, another wonderful lady leaving. Thank you for your support, knowledge and wisdom, Kath. You'll be missed.
  • Hendrix
    Hendrix Member Posts: 324
    @primek @onemargie don’t go...your letting the negative Nellie’s win...i hope they feel good and pleased with themselves and shame on the moderators.  They are needed but given the recent outcomes I question their part in all this!! One complaint does not justify their actions.  I for one will now reconsider donating to BCNA when I get my business up and running. 
  • Giovanna_BCNA
    Giovanna_BCNA Member Posts: 1,839
    Hello @primek,
    Im sorry to read your post.  I will send you a pm.
    regards Giovanna
  • Romla
    Romla Member Posts: 2,092
    Dear @Hendrix as grief stricken as many of us by this we need to look to ourselves not so much the moderators as we are adults .Let’s view this as a hiccup , learn from it and all move on - bottom line is we need each other.
  • Hendrix
    Hendrix Member Posts: 324
    @romla I normally would agree...but it works 2 ways and unfortunately not everyone can see how they impact others. It’s all very sad really. Just to clarify re donating to BCNA I’m considering not donating!
    @Giovanna_BCNA how do we report moderators? And what is the process that moderators take? A member recently made an unfair accusation towards me and my reply to this member was removed as it was deemed rude, however the members accusation was not. I felt dicriminated against by this moderator and I would like to make a formal complaint @Giovanna_BCNA
  • Giovanna_BCNA
    Giovanna_BCNA Member Posts: 1,839
    Hello @Hendrix

    Sorry to hear that you felt discriminated against by one of our moderators.  Yes you can certainly make a complaint, it would be best to private message @Marianne_BCNA, alternatively you can call our helpline on 1800 500 258 to speak with Marianne who is the Manager of the member services team.
  • Hendrix
    Hendrix Member Posts: 324
    @Giovanna_BCNA I would prefer to speak to Marianne direct manager.  I will call that number and ask to be put through to her direct manager or email address. Thank you. Nellie 
  • LMK74
    LMK74 Member Posts: 795
    @primek, I feel sad your going. You are such an amazing person all the help you give to everyone. You will be very missed.
  • Hopes_and_Dreams
    Hopes_and_Dreams Member Posts: 760
    @primek, you are always one of the first to offer support, a kind word or advice to all and your absence will be a huge loss to us.  Take care, Jane x
  • Zoffiel
    Zoffiel Member Posts: 3,372
    @primek you make some good points. In the last week or so I've been thinking about how the division here makes me feel and how it makes me react.

    I've always been a fierce defender of any one I perceive is getting treated unfairly. That's well and good and in many cases I've managed to make considerable differences to potentially shitty outcomes when someone is not able to stand up for themselves. 

    The problem comes with the term 'perception'.  This is why I always shy away from any arguments about religion, politics or sport. I simply can not understand why these things are so important to people. I have no idea why people choose to align themselves with a group and become antagonistic towards others who believe differently. The problem is, I've recently found myself doing it too. My concept of fair play has seen me, unwittingly, take sides and play the player rather than the ball.

    I need to remind myself that interfering when someone is getting hassled at a pub, attacked in a carpark or unfairly treated by a government agency is different from getting my knickers in a bunch over an argument between people I don't know about  language.

    Swearing doesn't worry me and I am unlikely to change my behaviour in that regard now. I'm also prone to saying things that are controversial or that people disagree with. That is not always a bad thing as it opens up avenues to think differently about situations which doesn't always happen when people are being polite and going with the flow. But it does piss some people off. I often win arguments (generally by doggedly sticking to the subject ) which doesn't always enamour me to those who's point of view is not upheld. Too bad.

    What I do have to do is think about my concept of the enemy or opposition. Am I making the right assumptions about people's motives when all I have is a couple of lines of text to use as evidence? Quite possibly not. This is very different from the 'real' world where I have a much better chance of figuring out what people's intentions are by observing them more closely.

    So yes, getting myself into a situation where I was moderated (I knew full well that would happen) doesn't line up with the reason I originally started participating with the site and I must say it has taken all the pleasure out of it. 

    Food for thought in the future. There are, sadly, new people joining this group every day. Many of them are wise and funny and kind. It's natural for the old guard to step back and let others step up. It's just a pity to see that happen under the current circumstances. Take care. Marg xxx
  • BlackWidow
    BlackWidow Member Posts: 268

    Hello.  My name is Anne and I have just begun my trip
    along the BC road.  I am new to the site
    and this is my first attempt at posting so it may get lost in cyberspace..…   I have just joined a local support group of sixteen
    wonderful supportive ladies of all ages and heard their views on everything
    from the local doctors, to treatments to B.C.N.A..  There was substantial discussion of the
    colourful language on this site. (Being new I do not pretend to know all about
    this issue).  Being more mature our group
    members say they consider the feelings of other people and regulate the language
    in their posts.  Seventeen members now ask
    that others use your incredible literary talents and consider whether your
    terminology is really necessary.  Perhaps
    abbreviating the word/s may be the way to go. 
    If this is not possible perhaps B.C.N.A. should amend its posting
    guidelines accordingly.  Thank you.