I just want to be a normal human again

Cynth6

hi ladies,

I need to vent out as I've been crying my eyes out all morning. 
Day 25 today post bilateral mastectomy with expanders. Had 4 drains in and I have 1 last one in that doesn't want to go!!! I'm down to 52mls but it goes up and down. The other day it was just 35mls and I started to get excited but no then it went up the next day. It has to be 30mls or under for 2 consecutive days for it to be removed. 
I was looking forward to my friends birthday this Saturday night at a bar. I thought great I get to dress up, put in my fake eyelashes because I don't have any, look almost beautiful, have a few drinks and look like almost a "normal human being" again. 
I spoke to my PS this morning sharing my worries about the drain being in so long. And of course he says that even if it's over 5 weeks, that drain won't come out until it's ready. On Thursday I have my first expansion and he said he can still do it even if that drain is in. He won't budge on the drain. And it's frustrating because I haven't had a proper shower since before surgery (surgery date 22nd sept)!!! He won't let me shower the area and he wants me to continue on the antibiotics of which I ran out of a week ago. 
Ive heard that people have only had their drains in a week max. Also heard that it depends on the surgeon as to when they come out. So why did I have to get the picky surgeon who loves drains in ??!!

im 31 and all I want to do is go out and be a normal 31 yr old but I don't see that happening now. I don't want to be out in a public bar being self conscious about my drain even if it's hidden under clothes. And I don't want to be uncomfortable !

sorry that was an essay but today I've had enough. I've had enough of my life being turned upside down since April this year !

Spiv1803

Poor love. Hope they come out soon.x

Molly001

Hi @Cynth6 vent away. It sucks and it's not fair, especially at your age. All I can say is all of it will get better. Patience is hard, I know. I struggle with slow too! 

primek

Vent away lovely. Every surgeon different and the expansion might actually help reduce the drainage.

Now start planning that outfit. A top and bottom will he needed. Get yourself a jazzy drainage bag that you can wear and they will just assume it is a bag. ..dress up and forget all for a few hours, drain or no drain...take the pain killers...watch the alcohol intake ...and just go have sone fun. One thing cancer has taught me is to just go out and do that when you can. Bo regrets. Kath x

iserbrown

@Cynth6   rant away!  I'm sorry it's all getting to you however this is about the bigger picture, you and your health!  Hopefully you will come to terms with that drain..........I was fortunate to rid mine on day 8..........fingers crossed for you Please don't belt yourself up over it!  It is what it is!  I'd be more upset about the non shower - you are going to feel like it is a party when you are allowed to have that shower!!
Take care as it is a draining time ahead!

primek

Also...if you don't have a hand held shower perhaps one of those ones that attach to a bath. You could sit in bath and do your lower bits and carefully if help upper bits and avoid getting it wet....just a thought.

Afraser

It's so frustrating but your surgeon is doing what he thinks is best. I had my drains out earlier, and I had stopped draining for a considerable time before they came out, so everything by the book, but I still got a really bad seroma (fluid on the site constantly refilling) and that's one of the things your surgeon is trying to avoid. Those fluid "ponds" can also encourage internal bacteria growth and infection. Day 25 we can all understand is a pain in the back teeth, but I had between 300 mlls and 800mlls of extra fluid sloshing around for almost 12 months. You don't want that. Everything is harder at the time - in 12 months you'll look back and it will seem diferent. Which is no help at all at the minute, sorry!!  Good to have a howl, it helps. Take a deep breath, shoulder your drain bag, go out and have a good time. You're a survivor. Head up, be proud of that.

Cynth6

Thanks ladies I'm feeling much better now. I think I just needed to have a rant and a big cry. 
@primek I do have a detachable shower head so I can wash the bottom and my arms and head in the sink. But I'm definitely going to have a long shower once I can shower properly ! 
@Afraser thanks for that. I feel better now about keeping it in properly because I didn't realise what problems can occur after. I definitely don't want fluid afterwards for months on end. I guess I just have to suck it up now. 

I do have a drain bag the breast care nurse gave me but the colours are a bit out there and it's not something I can take out haha. And a normal handbag won't do because the drain would be seen as the bag is higher up. 

Just hoping itll be out saturday morning by the latest 

HIT

Glad your feeling better.  Saturday is still a few days away so heres hoping - sounds so close.   Maybe a new handbag  may be in order, or shoulder bag with adjustable strap.  Or maybe you could get a plastic drain bag that you can stick to your skin for the night??  Must have some sort of bag like that for the people who wear poop bags??   My surgeon made me keep the drain in too, and told me not to shower!!  Got the bag checked about 14 days in and the nurse says to me of course you can shower, and she gave me those plastic stick on sheets.  She said the dressing can get slightly damp, just blow dry it.  I ended up getting it out at 22 days though as I started chemo the following week.  So of course it got infected after it was removed - luckily the infection cleared enough to start chemo. 

primek

Maybe a pretty scarf around the drain bag to disguise?