Forum Discussion

SJLY's avatar
SJLY
Member
9 years ago

How to help my toddler understand?

Hello, I was recently diagnosed, just before Christmas. I've had my first chemo and already ended up in hospital with an infection, which I'm pretty sure i picked up from my son. Which brings me to my main question; I would love to hear from mummies of young children. He is 1.5 years old and was devastated when he visited me in hospital today. He cried all the way home saying 'please mummy come home', it has totally broken my heart. I work from home, so we are together all the time, but he's not a particularly clingy kid normally. I know these little ones are resilient and adaptable but maybe I'm not so much! I don't know how to help him understand, he undertands a lot but I'm not sure how much to tell him, is he too young for that kind of information? if anyone has some advice I would love so much to hear it. I'm feeling pretty miserable being stuck in hospital knowing that he's at home asking where I am. I'm about to spend my 2nd night here which is the longest I've ever been away from him and I may need to stay a few days more. 
children
  • SJLY's avatar
    SJLY
    Member
    9 years ago
    Thank you so much lovely ladies. This has been incredibly helpful. I will look up Mummy's Wish, that sounds like a great place to start. Thank you. 
  • gurneys's avatar
    gurneys
    Member
    9 years ago

    Oh how I feel for you right now. My two girls were aged 3 and 5 when I was diagnosed and it does make it just that little bit tougher. I was an emotional wreck - not so much for me but because I was thinking of them. We tried to be as honest as possible with our girls about what was happening to me. We said things such as there was a lump in my boob and the doctor needs to cut it out. Then I needed to have lots of medicine to make sure it doesn't come back. That the medicine is very, very strong and can sometimes make mummy feel tired and not very well but that it's making me better. We kept talking about what we would do when mummy was back to normal. I'm not sure how much a 1.5 year old would understand but I can imagine he will need lots of reassurance that you're ok. They pick up on so much of our emotions that I personally found it important to stay positive, that it's ok, I'm going to be ok - and that ended up having a huge positive impact on my own state of mind too. My older girl picked up on the seriousness of it all a couple of times and we had a little cry together but I also reassured her that I was going to be fine. They didn't visit me in hospital after my surgeries as I didn't want them to see me at my worst but we had some face time via the phone. My husband made a point of focusing on future activities and that worked for us, helped us all through. I hope this helps in some way. Sending you lots of hugs, mumma.

    Sherril xo

  • Cosette's avatar
    Cosette
    Member
    9 years ago
    I don't have any answers for you, @SJLY, but I wanted to share a resource that might help. Have you heard about Mummy's Wish? It's an organisation that aims to support families with children 12 and under. One of the things they do is create comfort teddy bears. They come with a voice recorder so you can record a message and give the teddy bear to your child.
  • RNSW's avatar
    RNSW
    Member
    9 years ago
    Hi, so sorry to hear you are in hospital and away from your son. I have 2 teenage sons and it's hard not to miss them when you have no choice to be away from them.  I finished my chemo a year ago and what I told my sons is that the chemo is my friend because it's going to help me. It is going to make me sick for a while and I will lose my hair but like a good friend it will help mummy. I know your son is only young so not sure if that helps in anyway. Also I was concerned about getting sick so used to use the sanitising gel whenever possible. I hope you get to go home really soon. Big hugs Rita xo
  • melclarity's avatar
    melclarity
    Member
    9 years ago
    @SJLY Ohhh you are not alone! You have a great support network in us gals here!! We've all traveled the road in different ways, so know very much what youre going through! I have a Son and daughter and I know exactly what you mean, hard to describe that incredible love you feel. He will absolutely be ok, shower him in lots of love and reassurance thats all he needs, you'll be with him soon enough. Maybe give him something of yours to sleep with? so he has the scent of you? something that reminds him of you so he doesnt feel so far away. Hang in there, kids honestly are sooo resilient, Ive raised mine for 6yrs on my own and the experience really will build an even bigger bond between you. Hugs, try to relax a little, I know its hard! Melinda xo
  • SJLY's avatar
    SJLY
    Member
    9 years ago
    Thanks so much, I appreciate hearing from you Melinda. I just hate that he keeps asking me to come home and doesn't understand why I won't. I hadn't thought about separation anxiety, but you are right,  It's exactly what it is. I will try to look up some resources to help him through it. I just love him so much, I hate the impact it's having on him. Thank you for your reply. Makes me feel less lonely over here @melclarity
  • Mira's avatar
    Mira
    Member
    9 years ago
    SJLY I don't have an answer to your question but I just wanted to send you some hugs.
  • melclarity's avatar
    melclarity
    Member
    9 years ago
    Oh SJLY, as a Mum that broke my heart! My children were 11 & 13 first diagnosis in 2011. Certainly for a toddler is so very different. I'd imagine the most he would understand is you are not well as you are in hospital, but maybe the biggest thing for him is you are not home and gosh, I know at such a young age, their Mum is their World, so his world is turned upside down. So its so so normal that he'd be out of sorts and upset. I would try and keep things simple, that youre not well, but you are going to be and you are going to be home soon. Of course someone so young, he just couldnt understand the depth of it all, lots of cuddles as seems naturally he's suffering separation anxiety. All so normal. So hard for you, being a Mum. They certainly are resilient, so just love him through it. Wishing you healing and a to be home soon. Hugs Melinda xo