Goodbye to all and thank you

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Beppie
Beppie Member Posts: 168
dear ladies, 
I'm leaving the group and wish to thank all that's helped me in the last two years, especially Ann Marie who's made me feel so welcome.  It's been a long journey and I've simply had enough. Breast cancer twice in 9 years and then waiting 2 years for the reconstruction that's just turned out to be devastating. I was so excited to start with the TRAM flap and thought the pain was going to be worth it. Barely a month went by and my right side bulged , my foob was 3 inches higher then my natural breast. In hospital over Xmas having IV antibiotics for Cellulitis and infections on every surgical incision. My bulge is quite big now but not a hernia , so no operation to fix it and I just have to put up with the pain. I could wear a tight girdle for support but it's too hot ! Three attempts later for symmetry and no success , just out of pocket more money. Had enough from this Dr as he wasn't interested in correcting his mistakes. Said I wasn't a Hooters worker so be happy with what I had ! He showed me photos of other women and they all looked sensational . He said I'd have a flat tummy and two pert new breasts - what a fool I was to believe him.  Very hard to get another ps to see me and nearly impossible to get one who could help. After 2 attempts with another ps and yet more money I'm done. Breast is still bigger and obvious even in clothes but at least it faces the front now.  We're $15,500 out of pocket for reconstruction and simply can't afford any more and I can't face any more surgery - had enough pain.  I get really down when I see such wonderful photos of other ladies gorgeous results and that makes me feel awful . I'm happy that they have such wonderful new breasts but at the same time it makes mine look even worse and then I feel guilty for thinking that. So I've decided to leave and that's that. My area between my neck and hips doesn't exist anymore and I don't feel like a woman or sexy . As for swimming , I do that at home only and cover up when out. So once again thank you to every one I've conversed with . I wish you all success . Sorry this is long and I apologise if I offend anyone. Bep xx 

Comments

  • adean
    adean Member Posts: 1,036
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    Im glad some of us gave you comfort but we all have to do what is right for us. xxx
  • rowdy
    rowdy Member Posts: 1,165
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    I'm so sorry your reconstruction has been such a disappointment, this trip is bad enough without not getting support from your doctors. Take care and look after yourself x. 
  • melclarity
    melclarity Member Posts: 3,502
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    Beppie!
    Im just shocked after reading your post and am so sorry! I totally get you having enough!!!! after everything youve been through. Ive been through BC twice in 4yrs and its devastating! whilst finished treatment and Cancer Free I have to see a plastic surgeon in a few weeks to organise a mastectomy/recon Diep Flap and it is soooooo hard!!! and frightening for all the reasons you are now living with! I wish you nothing but the best, take care. Melinda xo
  • Share
    Share Member Posts: 217
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    @Beppie - please don't ever feel like you need to apologise - to anyone ! The person that should be apologising is your ps. This bc battle is horrid enough without the extra fight that the numerous ps complications have caused. Women are so  hard on themselves and their bodies however this is further magnified given your ongoing battle. I wish you every good wish and that your days are filled with love, light & laughter. Sheryl x  
  • ScorpionQueen
    ScorpionQueen Member Posts: 768
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    So sorry to read this post Beppie....I am sorry you've had such a disappointing result with your reconstruction...As you move on in your life, remember this, you ARE beautiful, you ARE strong, you ARE worth it......I can feel your sorrow, it's in your words.....but please try to keep the sunshine in your heart Beppie, for that's what keeps us going......always look for the sunshine......wishing you all the very best as you go forward.....love and light <3

  • Ann-Marie
    Ann-Marie Member Posts: 1,142
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    @Beppie my absolute pleasure! The online network is a place for everyone so there is no need to apologies. As the members have already commented you have to do what is best for you right now, just remember that we are here if you ever need. Thank you for contributing and sharing your journey with us, I know it hasn't been easy. Sending you some  <3 xx
  • Brenda5
    Brenda5 Member Posts: 2,423
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    I get your step away post but drop in sometimes for just a yarn and see how you are going. Reconstruction was never an issue for me. I got rid of the cancer with the breast and I don't care that I only have one headlight now; I am alive. I would welcome anyone noticing my single bump as an opportunity to warn others to keep vigilant for lumps as its got nothing to do with lifestyle as lots of women and even men can get it. Lack of breasts doesn't mean you have become less of a woman but it does take time to come to terms with it. At least you're not dead though. I keep reminding myself of how fortunate I was that it was detected early and treated.
  • Jane221
    Jane221 Member Posts: 1,195
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    Oh Beppie, I was so sorry to read your post and I wish that there was something to do to make it all right for you. I have followed your struggles throughout your time here and hoped that these final revisions would have made a difference. It must be devastating for you and I completely understand your need to back away from here at the moment but please know that you are always welcome should you want to come back. Sending much love and huge hugs your way xx
  • Ne
    Ne Member Posts: 336
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    I am so sorry for your anguish and disappointment.  It is just awful.  Wishing you all the best in everything.  Maybe in due time you might come across another ps or options.  I don't want to make uninformed suggestions cause I have no clue what you are dealing with but I totally hear your battle weary heart.  Stay strong, we are here for you anytime you want to pop in. x

  • mum2jj
    mum2jj Member Posts: 4,330
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    Beppie,
    I am so sad to read this. So sorry things did not work out as planned. I totally get that you just need to move away from all that is causing you pain. We are all here for you if and when you need support. 
    Hugs
    Paula xx
  • InkPetal
    InkPetal Member Posts: 499
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    I'm sad you'll probably never read this, but in the off chance you pop back in to check on this thread:

    Not a Hooters worker!?
    What an utter wiener-sneeze thing to say to anyone. Your doctor is a butt-hole.

    If it makes you feel a little better, I'm stuck with one D cup and one B cup unless some miracle rains money on my bald head so my only option for normality there are stuffers.

    Life can be pretty poops, and if this forum is a source of negativity for you I'm glad you're letting it go. Nobody will think less of you for it and you'll be welcomed with open arms if ever you find you need it again.

    xo Take care
  • Cate64
    Cate64 Member Posts: 446
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    @InkPetal & @Beppie I to know only too well the perils of 'botched reconstruction surgery & more than 8 years later I am still waiting on waiting lists for revisions & my 'butt-hole' surgeon once said to me.... "you asked me to make that one bigger I have it documented".... 

    If I have known then what I know now, I would have opted for implant instead.