Radiotherapy and a whinge in general!
Hi Ladies - Well yesterday we travelled and went to the centre for me to have my 'radiotherapy plan' - Silly me, I thought a 'plan' was something you sat down and negotiated - WRONG! We set off in the car and drove the one and a half hours journey - Oh, did I forget to mention that my mother-in-law had come interstate for a visit and it was deemed that 'we would meet' at the cancer centre - I had this stupid notion we would meet up in a park or something, but no! I got that really, really wrong - I will get back to that later. We arrived at the cancer place and I got told to take a seat, then a nice chap came out and told me his name and to follow him - oh! and his nice little friend (who I think was in training) any way, they were pleasant fellows and they led me to a room and told me to get changed into a gown - I then went into a room and I had to lay on a bed with my arm above my head....and they proceeded to draw on my boob (that had the mastectomy) with some kind of CRAYON - As usual, because I was nervous, I joked and had them all chuckling (four people in the room at one stage) but hey! you get that. Then I got to go and chat to a nurse (you know 'emotional stuff'), she was very nice and handed me back to the 'guys' who then led me to an XRay unit.....I had to lay on a table, and there were only three guys this time - One of the lovely (nice looking) gentlemen handed me a sheet so as I could 'kind of cover up my otherwise 'normal' boob' - he said, "We appreciate that you might like to be covered up a bit" I remarked "Darling, when you walk into a hospital, you leave your dignity at the door" - they thought that this was amusing (that was good - for me) So then they told me what they had to do......the upshot is they have to get everything in alignment for the radiotherapy, cool I thought - so then they proceeded to draw on my 'boob' - (half boob), (call it what you will) - in TEXTA - that was ok; They have to do what they have to do - then they strapped wires around their drawings and proceeded to go ahead with the cat scan. It wasn't over then I tell you, they had to put INK on me for the tattoo......OK! - Crayon, texta, ink; I went home folks, feeling like I had been in some kind of weird Play School! I have to give them credit, they were lovely. I then went into the 'change room' and got changed back into my clothes - Oops! I left my scarf in the XRay room - I turned to one of the attendants and as I looked around (bald head! - hullo!) I saw to my horror, there was my brother-in-law, and my mother-in-law all smiles and ready to greet me! Is it just me? but I wanted to scoot! I felt so........EXPOSED! I was really cheesed off! But good-ol' Josie walked up and hugged and said hi........bla bla bla. (I don't know if it wasn't for this 'beanie' on my head, I would be happy if no one knew my condition).....it's so 'personal'.............I had a heart-to-heart chat with hubby tonight, had to tell him, no, don't want mother-in-law here right now, but its school holidays and airfares and trains are all out of kilter (another story) so I have her here for another week - this is really hard for me. I am not a horrible person, but when I have a conversation with a person - I like to have a point! This is irrelevant to my mother-in-law! But I have to be nice, she lives interstate (but boy she sure gets those frequent flyers!) I have had her with us three times in 9 months - folks! I have had easier pregnancies! But! and I emphasise BUT; I have to be nice - the hard part is I DONT feel very 'nice' at the moment. There are days I want to be grumpy, and isolate myself - and my husband is accustomed to this, but with other people it isn't so easy. I am not up to 'entertaining' I am not up to being 'pleasant' and it is a bloody hard ask!............at the moment! I have to go and stay in another town for four and a half weeks - and the town is FREEZING! it snows there! I don't want to do it! BUT I have to 'suck it up' - bugger, bugger, bugger! I told my husband all these things, and God bless him, he understood - I told him I am so bloody scared, I am coming across 'all brave & doing well' but deep inside I am a trembling jelly! I tell every one 'baby steps' and I have to 'focus' on this - quite frankly I am depressed - I hate going for blood tests and the only arm they can use is now just about 'shot to pieces' - the oncology nurses said if it gets too bad they can take it from the portacath - well when you have two nurses 'digging' at your arm and finally having to 'bandage' it - I go home and have a cry because it is getting me down - Yes, I admit it, I am depressed! Yes, I have emailed my social worker - yes, I do all the right things - and yes I will keep going - I have another 10 months of Herceptin (intraveinously) and yes, each one has to have a blood test prior - sigh!, whinge, whinge, whinge! This has been going on since November last year, operations, tests, bla bla - and yes it gets you down from time to time - at the moment I am on a 'downer' - please ladies bear with me - I am in total 'sookie lah-lah' mode. So as I keep going on to every one - 'baby steps' - but maybe I should add, 'sometimes you trip up' - it's to be expected, and tomorrow is another day - big hugs to all x x x Josie
Comments
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ah, Josie, what a beautiful post. In all your pain and frustration, what shines through is your gorgeous humour. hang in there babe.
I was wondering, what's the worst thing that can happen if you crack a case of the grumps with yr m-in-law? Maybe if you just did an emotional stack (instead of sucking it up) she'd understand? Esp if your husband picked up the pieces afterwards. I don't know your m-in-law, of course, but sometimes even ppl we know well can surprise us, and maybe she's burbling on pointlessly in an effort to (somehow) be 'comforting'. Or maybe she's just making life (even more) difficult... Dunno. In any case, for the time being it's YOU FIRST, everyone else take a number, and bugger the consequences.
Go well,
Heather0 -
Oh Josie I also had my planning yesterday & you have just explained the experience so well & with your usual great humour. I looked at my chest area today and it looked like a treasure map lol. No need to suck it up you have every right to feel the way you do & as always this is the place to vent your feelings. I feel for you having to stay away from home for your radiation no wonder you are emotional. I can also understand you not wanting MIL visiting at the moment. I don't thnk I could stand having anyone, especially the inlaws, staying at my house during this time. I agree with Heather it's all about YOU at the moment. Sending you big cyber hugs. Loretta xxx
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Oh Josie I also had my planning yesterday & you have just explained the experience so well & with your usual great humour. I looked at my chest area today and it looked like a treasure map lol. No need to suck it up you have every right to feel the way you do & as always this is the place to vent your feelings. I feel for you having to stay away from home for your radiation no wonder you are emotional. I can also understand you not wanting MIL visiting at the moment. I don't thnk I could stand having anyone, especially the inlaws, staying at my house during this time. I agree with Heather it's all about YOU at the moment. Sending you big cyber hugs. Loretta xxx
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So tell me why are all the radiograghers that do the mapping young guys -and usually with piercings and coloured hair?The texta drawings take you by surprise.I felt so embarassed and staff seemed to be walking in and out. I feel like I should have warned you Josie but thought you would have had it all explained prior.So let me now prepare you for your first zap.They(2 radiographers)will take ages positioning you on the zap table - wriggle abit more here,no shoulder up abit,no shoulder down abit blah blah blah.Then they all run out of the room and you are told don't move.You are waiting like a shag on a rock with this star wars machine over your head.Then zapping noise starts and machine moves.I was petrified,could hardly breathe,felt like I was in some giant microwave.Good thing is it's over in a minute or so. As the days progress you get used to the drill.I am a bigger whoos than you (I didn't finish chemo remember)and I got through it so I know you will to. As for your mother in law -not your problem-she's your husband's mother so let him listen and do for her.Go to your room alot!! hide! Just wallow in sookie land for awhile,you have every right to be there.No need to pretend to us that you are chirpy and positive about radiation.But josie ,it will be easier on you than chemo.Im sorry it's such a long,drawn out,painful year for you.You had better plan some serious whooping it up in a few months time.
luv Tonya xx
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Hi Josie, I was so disappointed on my first radiation as there were no red beams shooting across my chest. It will be a pleasant surprise for you compared to what you have had to endure. I definately would not like to have a m-in-law about even though my poor old one is such a lovely old dear. Don't start waiting on her - she might like it and not leave!!!!! Where is it that you have to have radiation - what town??? My first surgeon back in 2006 told me to view radiation as a long holiday (I had to go away from home for 7 weeks). Make sure you have lots of rest and look after your skin daily. XLeonie
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Hi Josie, I was so disappointed on my first radiation as there were no red beams shooting across my chest. It will be a pleasant surprise for you compared to what you have had to endure. I definately would not like to have a m-in-law about even though my poor old one is such a lovely old dear. Don't start waiting on her - she might like it and not leave!!!!! Where is it that you have to have radiation - what town??? My first surgeon back in 2006 told me to view radiation as a long holiday (I had to go away from home for 7 weeks). Make sure you have lots of rest and look after your skin daily. XLeonie
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Ladies! you are all gems! I have to find a quiet time to get back to you all and answer your lovely posts - (am stuck at the moment!) but thank you anyway and I will give you all the latest (Oh! privacy!) x x x Josie
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Hi Loretta - does it not make you wonder that we have bald heads & bandannas - treasure map chests - I am beginning to have a serious affinity with Pirates! Seriously, I just did a big painting of Captain Jack Sparrow - from the 'Pirates of the Carrabean movies (it turned out really well!).........................suddenly its 'rather special' to love a Pirate - chest, pirates, bandannas - "Arrr me hearties, why do Oi have trouble with my MIL................'cos she's a pain in the Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh!" I just love taking the mick!
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Dear Tonya - firstly thank you for the warning - and yes, I had that idea of the Star Wars thingie would be slot in there somewhere! Oh the material for the 'Bald and Beautiful' is mounting up! What can I come up with as far as 'pun's?'.........I am sure I wont let anyone down in that department! I will be taking my laptop away with me with a little internet stick and will ensure that I will have something to amuse you ladies - can't wait. On your second point, I did a 'serious wallow' the other night, snuck out into the ajoining garage with a glass of wine and silently fumed! Any way the good thing is I think I was 'overly concerned' - hubby is the one who seems to be taking the strain (ha ha) and at least we have an END date - by Monday arvo, will have home to ourselves again - thanks to Vic rail doing maintenance it is three hours by car to Melbourne, two by rail (no trains 'till Monday) and 6 by bus...........so to get her back to Melbourne and on a flight, Monday was the best day..............I am a one of the firm believers that 'friends and fish go off after three days - however in this case, one has to grin and bare it due to the situation - wich I have to say is working so far so good - other wise it's off to 'wallow land' (lol!) x x x
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Dear Leonie, had to have a chuckle - I bet your surgeon had much better holidays than the one he was offering you (bloody cheek - lol!) I have to go to Ballarat (I call it 'Freeze-ya-A-off Ballarat). One thing I give my MIL credit for is that she never expects me to wait on her and I have to say I kind of felt for her when we discovered what the railways had done and we got stuck with her, I got the impression she didn't want to 'impose' on us, so I have taken that on board and am giving her some leeway - she's not too bad, just opinionated and says dumb things - even my husband sees that, but have decieded now I know when she is going home, I will make a big effort for us to get along, and then at least hubby wont have to pick up the pieces. Love Josie x x x
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Oh I forgot to mention Tonya, you know the 'whooping it up thing'? YES! and we are going to go to Tassie for a couple of weeks and spend the last of my small inheritance - I intend on having a bloody good time - can't wait for the boat trip and go and see some places where I spent a few years of my childhood.................Whoop, whoop, whoop! I say! Yay!!!!!!!! Love Josie x x x
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