Am I just a sook?

Hi Jenny,

you definitely aren't a sook.  The thing is, people have this perception that breast cancer is bald head and sick from chemo. The reality can be far from that though, especially if you haven't had chemo.  I did have chemo and lost my hair but I continued to have active treatment for 8 months after chemo. Peoples expectations qof me have been oh well your done now, you should be fine. My family also expected this. It wasn't until I broke down crying and told them about the troubles I experience due to treatment and how tired I am that they have changed their attitudes. Regardless of what stage of bc you have, it is traumatic and a horrible thing to go through. The emotional toll, let alone the physical toll is huge and unfortunately many people don't realise this. Be kind to yourself and remember that you are recovering. Take care. Karen xox

Thanks Karen. Your response made me cry ...so I am a sook!  Just kidding. I think I am just missing that level of understanding and I should have sought it from people such as you a lot earlier. I guess I thought I should be able to get on with things by myself. I know I will now seek help more often from the network...all of whom after all knows what some of what I am feeling. Likewise I think it is helpful to me to read other posts to reflect upon my experience and also to offer support to others.  Thanks again.

No you're not a sook! We're all living similar things. Family or friends that assume you're back to your old self. If only it was that simple. Don't let them get under your skin. They haven't a clue.

Be kind to yourself and find a coping strategy where you can zone out and block the negativity. A walk or listening to music or a chocolate or a good book.

Take care 

Christine xx 

3 surgeries in 12 months is a lot for anyone to cope with without radiotherapy and the mental anguish women with breast cancer experience. People just don't understand the various aspects. ..tiredness, body image adjustment, effects on sexuality and then there is the very real fear of the constant thought of "what if it returns". It is exhausting. So no....you are not being a sook. Physically you are healing but mentally you are only just beginning. Depression is a very real aspect of cancer treatment. You might find some short term counselling beneficial. Try to find some joy in each day doing things that make you happy.  Slowly build your exercise tolerance as this can help with both fatigue and depression. When we are depressed passing comments are often much more hurtful and play on our minds. And do keep blogging. ..writing stuff down can really just help us get it all out of our heads.

I am currently having chemo and only go out when I feel well enough...and after I apply makeup that makes me glow. I am sick to death of people telling me how well I look. They don't realise it probably took me an hour as I needed to rest after showering etc before I could leave the house.

We all get it. Take care. Kath x

Dear Kate

I have suffered from depression in the past so I guess not surprising the anxieties of the past year are pressing in on me. And you have made me realise that because I am on an extended visit overseas to my daughter and family that I have totally stopped my exercise routine which I keep up when I am at home. So in all there a few things bringing me down. Thank you for outlining some good strategies.  Good luck with your chemotherapy. I hope you continue to be kind to yourself. Best regards, Jenny

Sorry, that should read, Dear Kath! Darned predictive text!

Jenny your post is exactly what we need this forum for. We "get" it. We have all stared death in the face with cancer and we have managed to put it off with treatments. That's not to say we have returned to being the same people we were before cancer as it is a life changing event. Other people just don't get that. We will always be a little more careful of ourselves and have that worry in the back of our minds that one year cancer may return. All any of us can do is try to make the most of our lives the best we can and share our worries and our triumphs of clear test results on this forum with those who understand.

You are most definitely not a sook. If you haven't done so already, I encourage you to find a local support group. Getting together with other women who understand can be very nourishing.

Have you talked to your family about your experience and their support (or lack thereof)?

Hi, sorry to hear you aren't getting the support that you need from family. I think there are quite a few posts on this forum about the lack of sympathy from some friends and family - I think it is because people don't understand the time it takes to recover from surgery and also don't understand the emotional implications of breast cancer and treatment. I think a few of us have experienced an outpouring of support at the beginning...that dries up not too long afterwards. In my own experience, I have just finished chemo and have been doing cold capping. Because I still have my hair, some people assume that I haven't been doing 'serious' treatment. It's hard hearing others 'whinge' about their daily dramas when you are dealing with BC!

On hearing about your 10-year old, I wouldn't read too much into it. I would think from her perspective, it would be easier for her to process that the BC has gone, rather than worry that you may still have it or that it may reoccur. I imagine that would cause her more stress as she'll worry that she may lose you in the future. I have a kid and its been interesting seeing how he internalises these things. I know it is important to him that my BC has gone (i.e. he knows the dr has cut it out) and that I am just getting medicine to make sure it really has all gone and make sure it never comes back.

Perhaps with hubby, get him to go to your next GP/dr visit/checkup so he can hear himself how long your recovery will be and how long it will take your immunity/energy levels to pick up....or even how to watch out for issues arising following a BC diagnosis. Hearing it from the 'horses mouth' might be good for him. 

In the end of your can't get a bit of sympathy from your family...well, you sure can on these forums so vent/complain/whinge whenever you want on this forum - its very helpful and we all understand!!

I think that you are a brave woman who has held in her feelings for too long, and I am glad that you have vented them.  My family and friends are generally wonderful.  I had two unsuccessful lumpectomies in February, and am now one week out of hospital after a mastectomy, rebuild, and also reduction of the remaining very large breast to match.  I am single, and my married sister is staying with me to help me shower, cook meals, etc. and is wonderful.  I had a difficult time in hospital after the operation, (intensive care needed), and stilly tire very easily after the smallest exertion.  

Yesterday my single brother said that I sounded and looked very healthy, and he thought that instead of him, I could take our other sister with Alzheimer's to an important appointment in two weeks' time, and thus resume the responsibility of taking her to all of her medical appointments!  He just has no idea of the physical and emotional toll that the diagnosis and three operations have had on me, let alone recovery and treatment to come.  I haven't even driven again yet.

i agree that you should get your husband to go with you to an appointment with your doctor and start a discussion about your feelings.