To my husband - Will you ever know just how much I love you?
Sunday is Valentine's Day. I haven't been well enough to plan any outings or fancy dinners and I don't know how I will ever be able to convey to my husband just how much I love him. Hopefully saying the following will give him an idea.
To my Jay, words cannot express how much I am so grateful that you are my hubby. I honestly could not get through this without you. Thank you for loving me with all my scars, without hair, without eyelashes, all swollen up from chemo and for telling me I am still beautiful when I don’t recognise the woman staring back at me in the mirror. Thank you for keeping me calm when I can’t get enough oxygen and I am struggling to breathe, or when I cannot move an inch because of the bone marrow pain. Thank you for holding me as a cry when the it all gets too much, when my stitches burst, and when I am frustrated that I can’t take two steps out of bed from sheer exhaustion. Thank you for remaining positive and encouraging me not to quit treatment when I scream I can’t do it anymore, and for constantly reminding me that once I am in remission 12 months of treatment will seem like a short amount of time. Thank you for keeping me company when I feel so alone and bored and angry and frustrated and defeated and scared. Thank you for being by my side during every hospital visit advocating for me, ensuring I receive the very best of care, and for arguing with the doctors and nurses when needed. Thank you for allowing me to be practical and to plan our next awesome overseas holiday but also allowing me to think about and plan the end of my life without judgement or regret but with humour and sadness. Thank you for teaching our boys what true love between a husband and wife is. And thank you for doing all this while working and parenting and doing all those other completely mundane and now seemingly inconsequential things in life that must be done that leave you just as exhausted. This battle is just as much yours as it is mine and as much as I hate it I am so grateful that you are fighting by my side.
Love forever, Nadi