Good days, scary moments - chemo here I come
The last two weeks have flown with so many medical appointments (blood tests, ultrasound, bone scan, ct scan, surgeon check up, physiotherapy, lymphoedema education, chemo education, pap smear), school open nights for my eldest son, buying hats and looking at wigs and last but not least working on the odd few days that I was free!
I was doing fine when I went for my abdominal ultrasound and rocked up to the bone scan thinking "great they are running early I should get more shopping in afterwards" but then the nice young man asked if I had ever had a knock to the head. Then he said he wanted a side scan of my skull, then he said there was a legion they were looking at. Then I went to the waiting room and wrote 'Now I am scared' in my journal and my eyes filled with tears. I thought to my self 'Here I am stressing about losing my hair and maybe I will be losing part of my head (or worse)! Ten minutes later they called me back in for a three dimensional CT scan of my skull. I don't do confined spaces very well (I think due to a scarey moment while caving in my youth) so with my eyes closed tight, counting my rapid breaths and trying hard to not think any more about what this meant I lay still for the required ten minutes. I then spent the next four hours shopping in a daze waiting for the results to be ready. I rang a 24 hour support line but they didn't pick up (rang me back 4 days later with apologies) so I finally rang my 'second-mum' at work for some comforting words and advice. I raced back to get the results asking for them to be faxed through to my oncologist, tore them open in the car and (phew) they didn't read so bad. I then rang my oncologists rooms and she rang me back at 5.30 to say that the bone lesion looked entirely friendly. She said that I had probably always had it, it is too small to biopsy and unlikely to be breast cancer related. Her recommendation is for another scan in 6 - 12 months. Thank God that this all happened over only one day, by the end of the day I was totally drained but at least I had some positive news to go home with.
I took the next day of work (to recover) and went to a voluteer run head gear shop at the local hospital and met the most amazing three women. They are all breast cancer survivors. After the first ten minutes we were chatting like old friends, nearly wetting our selves laughing (I look like Fatty Vaughtan as a Woman in some wigs) and after many hours I left with a spring in my step and a bag full of hats, turbans and freebies and the confidence that I can come out the other end of this and be just as vital and vibrant as they are.
I start TC chemo day 1 cycle 1 tomorrow but although I am not looking forward to it feel that I am pretty well prepared. My hats and turbans are ready, I have had my hair cut short, the house is unusually clean and my supermum is primed to provide heaps of support.
Tonight I discovered that as I havent painted my toe nails since I was probably 16 (I have toes that I am not keen to highlight) I am a complete failure at it. My toes also seem to have gotten a lot further away than I remember!. I resorted to a kind of blobby stab at the top part of each toe which seems to have done the trick. When purchasing my dark nail polish I decided to not go with boring black but purchased 'No Shrinking Violet' - a suitable name I thought for how I want to pass the next 12 weeks and a suitably dark gothic sparkly purple. So with my new nails, new hair and inspiration from the many women I have met over the last 2 weeks who have said 'By the way, I am a breast cancer survivor' I am ready to embark on the next step of this journey. My next post may not be so positive as I will lose my lovely new hair style sometime in the next three weeks but for now life is good - naive or not I am thinking I will get through this!
Comments
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Hi Karen and welcome,
Boy I got tired just reading all the things you have been doing. Yes it is a busy time - I actually "cherish" the chemo time just sitting and "relaxing". It might sound stupid but I make the most of a bad situation. On the following 7 days I know that I "have" to relax. It is enforced but I know that it is the way it is and look forward to the good days. I had long hair for over 30 years and now I am bald as a beaver. I am very surprised that I don't feel "devasted". It is all part of the process. Yes I prepared and got a wig with another on order. Lots of hats, scarves etc. I see it as something different. I do look forward to the end of the year though when I should have some hair. At present it is looking awfully like it might come back "white" - oh well something different again. Keep coming back on the site and letting us know how you are going. There will always be someone to "chat" with. XLeonie
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Hi Karen - wow what a whirlwind couple of weeks you have had. Your blog just sent shivers through me as it brought back emotions from 24 years ago when my Mum who had had BC twice, was then being investigated for spots on her skull. They also turned out OK but was the scariest thing for all of us!
As I have said in other posts, in this network we all have different stories and experiences but all resonate with us in some way or another.
I am pleased that you have flash toenails and fingernails - No Shrinking Violets is something I think we all can relate and aspire to. What a great vision.
Keep us all posted on your journey.
Leanne x
PS My Mum after having BC at 36 then 48, is now 71 and has just had her nails done for the first time in her life - is very proud of her lovely nails! Amazing how something so simple can make us feel so much better!!
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What a terrible scan experience! Once they know you have breast cancer they tend to go over any of your results with a finetooth comb.Which I suppose is a good thing but scary when you are waiting.Glad you had a positive experience afterwards.It's going to be up and down like that for awhile for you.Well you sound super organized and it makes us feel a little in control.Not sure what chemo regime you are having but stock up on vegie soup,anything lemon or ginger to drink.When you go into the chemo unit you may feel a little anxious so you can always ask for a "calm you down pill".I did and it helped.I was the biggest sook but look,there are no bravery medals given out there!!Hope it goes ok for you tomorrow.
luv Tonya xx
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Hi Karen, I want to also say welcome...to the most bonding online chat group you'll ever come across! You have been through so much stress already and show a fantastic sense of humour. Good on you, that'll help you through, along with the support of family, friends and your newest mates, the breast cancer survivors of BCNA! I'll try hard to keep logging in and see how you're doing. Lee. X
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Hi Karen, I want to also say welcome...to the most bonding online chat group you'll ever come across! You have been through so much stress already and show a fantastic sense of humour. Good on you, that'll help you through, along with the support of family, friends and your newest mates, the breast cancer survivors of BCNA! I'll try hard to keep logging in and see how you're doing. Lee. X
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Hello,
I was recently diagnosed last month and have had 2 operations and now need a mastectomy, then chemo, radio and hormones, so would like to be in contact with people who have gone through any of this.
Hope you are doing well,
Julia
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Hello,
I was recently diagnosed last month and have had 2 operations and now need a mastectomy, then chemo, radio and hormones, so would like to be in contact with people who have gone through any of this.
Hope you are doing well,
Julia
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Gee you are having a bad time of it. Unfortunately this happens sometimes if the surgeon can't get a clear margin.I had a lumpectomy,full node clearance and radiation back in 2003.So 7yrs later it came back in the same breast,same spot.I had a mastectomy last May and then some chemo and am now on Tamoxifen.I've become an expert on breast cancer treatments! I haven't had a reconstruction but there are plenty of ladies on this site who have and can help.You are probably still trying to get your head around it all at this stage.And also braving up for yet another op.Just take each bit at a time-don't think too far ahead and feel free to jump on here and talk any time.
Tonya xx
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How was the recovery after mastectomy for you? You did jnot need chemo then? My doctor has said the treatment package should take about 6 months or so, but I have no idea what to expect in this time in terms of if I will be likely to be off work, and how I may be feeling.
Thanks,
Julia
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Hi Julia, I had a lumpectomy, followed by another op as the margins weren't clear. Then I had chemo and radio. I have not had any homone therapy. So, some similar, some different. My chemo experience was revolting and I struggled with nausea and weight loss but here I am, 4 yrs since diagnosis, and happy I persisted. I was close to throwing the towel with the chemo, half way through, but knew I had to give it my best shot so that I had no doubt in my mind about being completely free of BC at the end of it all. I'm back to my normal weight and life seems pretty normal these days...with the addition of having 6 monthly checkups with specialists, including MRI and mammogram once a year which is awesome as I feel so watched over! You'll get through all of this the best you can and come out the other end stronger in so many ways. Best of luck to you. Keep in touch. x
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The first time around I didn't have chemo.I had clear lymph nodes(all 18 of them) and I had 6weeks of radiation. My cancer was early, not aggressive and eostrogen +ve, hercepton -ve. I was offered chemo but told I didn't HAVE to have it.So I didn't.I tried to take Tamoxifen but stopped after a few months as it didn't agree with me.Now that I'm older it's ok,apart from some hot flushes.
It took me about 4 weeks to recover from the mastectomy and I went back to work.I kept getting fluid build up under my scar that had to be drained every week for 5wks.My arm took a little longer to stretch up.You have a permanent numbness under your arm and across your chest.-you get used to it.Try and make contact with a breast care nurse if you haven't already done so.They are great and can organize a free post op berlei bra and soft breast form to wear after your op.You may just want to wear a singlet/cami and loose fit shirts for the first week or so.You can get fitted for a prosthsis around 6wks and that makes a big difference.I'm not going to sugar coat it.It's a hard operation to get over both physically,emotionally and sexually.You are barely over it and then you are onto the next treatment. But many of us have walked this path and survived and you will too.
Tonya xx
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All the best. x
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Hi
just reading the great messages- i was diagnosed in march this year and had a right masectomy and lymph node removal in two operations. now i am about to have my fourth and last AC chemo before 3 FM chemo and radiotherapy.
I too have needed some relaxing drugs before i go to chemo, the headaches and feeling sick start the day before. I suffer badly the first week with indigestion, constipation, and nausea- i think the nausea is the worst. Oh and I forgot teary. I take so many pills to stop everything I feel like I rattle. I wonder what all these extra drugs are doing to me.
i am enjoying the other weeks but the chemo seems to come aorund very fast and I am always thinking of it. I know I have to keep going as my prognosis is good - if I have treatment.
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Hi
just reading the great messages- i was diagnosed in march this year and had a right masectomy and lymph node removal in two operations. now i am about to have my fourth and last AC chemo before 3 FM chemo and radiotherapy.
I too have needed some relaxing drugs before i go to chemo, the headaches and feeling sick start the day before. I suffer badly the first week with indigestion, constipation, and nausea- i think the nausea is the worst. Oh and I forgot teary. I take so many pills to stop everything I feel like I rattle. I wonder what all these extra drugs are doing to me.
i am enjoying the other weeks but the chemo seems to come aorund very fast and I am always thinking of it. I know I have to keep going as my prognosis is good - if I have treatment.
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Mandy, you sound JUST like me! Don't worry about what all those drugs are doing to you...they are a means to an end...or a new beginning really! Oh, memories of nausea 1-2 days BEFORE the chemo!! I haven't heard of many others saying that...I felt really alone and as though I wasn't coping since I felt like that. I could have done with you 4 years ago! Best wishes. X
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