How to explain to a 9 year old about Breast Cancer

Arleene

 

Hi Ladies,

I need some Advice my Husband and I have been talking openly about my bc at home but I've never really known how to approach it if my Daughter ever asked me about my bc, well it happened late last night she has been taking notice of what we have been talking about and when I was putting her to sleep last night she asked me just out of the blue Ammi ( sri lankan for mum as my husband is sri lankan and that's what i call his mum she just picked it up as a baby and has allways called me that instead of mum or mummy but that's ok) how did you catch bc I think she sort of thought it was like a cold so I was trying to explain it a little I told her I found a lump and went to the doctor and had a test and Dr Treacy had to do an operation to take the lump away and she asked if that's why my arm and booby is sore and I said yes do you want to ask me anything else and she said maybe tomorrow she's been on school holidays for 1 month and she was on holidays when I had the surgery but that's all she's seen and knows I've had to go and see the doctor and she usually comes with us as she knows my doctor and has since 2009 so she's not used to not coming and she's also extremely smart she picks things up in a matter of minutes. I hope someone can give me some advice on this.

Thanks

Anitaxx

Jane221

Hi Anita,I found this booklet from the Cancer Council to be really useful when I had to talk to my kids about my bc diagnosis - they were 8 and 13 at the time - www.cancercouncil.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/2013-CAN737-TalkingToKids-NSW-lo.pdf  

The booklet is easy to read and gives some hints about how to tell kids at different developmental stages about your treatment. It also talks about how they might react, and things to look out for.

When my husband and I talked to our children, my son who was 8yrs wanted to know why I had got cancer when I didn't smoke, and also wanted to know if I'd be bald. We told him it was likely I would be bald for a while as I had to have some drugs that made your hair fall out but it also killed off the cancer so that I'd be well again soon. Being a very literal child (with Asperger's) he took this on board and then said; "Well Mum, what would you prefer; to be bald and alive or hairy and dead!" This made us all crack up and helped ease the tension! :-)  

It was also good that we had spoken to both kid's schools as they kept a close eye on both kids and were especially great when my teenage daughter was feeling anxious and worried at various times throughout my treatment. Overall though both coped pretty well and I think it helped that we were honest, although we didn't necessarily go into a lot of detail.

Best of luck talking to your daughter, it sounds as though you've already made a few good steps. Jane xx

 

Kazzi

Hi Anita,

Jane's advice is great and I'm sure you'll find the booklet helpful.  My own children are young teenagers.  They've had it all explained to them by us. Also, via the bc info booklet from bcna (esp for my 16 year old daughter). 

How my children are coping with the hair loss is dependent on how I deal with it.  Wearing fun hats, experimenting with scarves and emphasising the fact that it's only temporary.

As a primary teacher of children you're daughter's age, it's always been beneficial to know of any health concerns, changes in routines etc,  to assist your daughter's learning.  I would recommend having a little chat with your daughter's teacher (ring the school to make an appointment at a convenient time to you.) 

As my own children are in high school, we emailed their schools' various year advisers who notified their teachers.  My daughter had a couple of sessions with the school counselor where she was shown the canteen website.  We've always answered anxious questions, lots of hugs and reassurance that it may be crap for a while, but will get better.

All the best Anita, you're a wonderful mum doing a great job,

Karen xx  

Niin

Hi Anita,

Jane and Karen have given some great advice. My children were 9, 6 and 3 when I was diagnosed, we've just tried to be as open and honest as possible, explaining that I would lose my hair and that if I felt tired and sick they were all good signs my chemo was working really well. My daughter 9, came to chemo with me during the school holidays so that she could see that it's all not a big deal (we watched a DVD ate brownies and drank hot chocolates). I've also alerted the school, the class teachers have been great with answering any questions the kids have had. The school counselor is also on board should we need anything (which we haven't yet). 

I I wish you all the best for your treatment and family. 

YueLin xx

Arleene

Hi Jane,

I'm going to get that booklet but my daughter hasn't asked me any more questions yet but I need to be prepared for it, I've told her school and they have been wonderful as it isn't just a school we are like one big community and the teaching staff and staff in general are fantastic and very understanding, It's been a little bit confronting this week as the cancer center rang me on monday wanting my mammogram and ultrasound cd's so my husband took it to them and then the hospital rang me wanting my mammogram films and it finally hit me hey this is actually happening I had allready cut my hair to my shoulders as it was halfway down my back and I was ok with that, we were talking last night and we both think it will be very hard when my hair starts falling out so we've decided to shave my hair off to a 1 or 2 crewcut and get some hats from the internet and my daughter was picking out some really stylish ones it was quite funny in a way I guess she wanted to be involved even though she doesn't know quite yet why I need them. I think she'll cope ok well I guess we'll save money in hair colour lol. Talk to you soon.

Anitaxx

Arleene

Hi Yuelin,

thanks for your post, the first thing I did was let the school Teachers and staff know and ask them to watch her as she's a very sensitive and smart child and can get very withdrawn if somethings bothering her. I haven't spoken to her about the chemo yet, I've decided to shave my hair and get some nice beanies and berets from the internet and a sleep cap too because I read you can lose your hair at night too and I don't want hair all over the bed. I'll talk to you soon.

Sending Cyber Hugs,

Anitaxx

Jane221

Hi Anita, just click on the link and it should take you straight to the online booklet. Great to hear that your daughter is helping you choose hats, it's a lovely way to get her involved :-) Jane xx

LisaS

One bit of advice someone gave me was to ask the child what they think is going on. Sometimes kids pick up the weirdest notions and they don't tell an adult. Or they don't ask because they don't want to worry you. It's good to check they haven't been told something in the playground or got the wrong idea.

As long as life doesn't change too much kids are pretty resilient. 

Arleene

Hi Lisa,

Thanks for the advice I will take that on board as I think everything is going to be okay and she is quite resilient and the school and her are all in tune with what's going on and my bc I find out what sort of treatment I have ahead of me tomorrow morning, my little dog passed away from cancer today so he's at peace now so I can concentrate on starting my journey now.

lots of cyber hugs

Anitaxx