How is your father dealing with this news? Chances are he is not defeated, chances are that he will handle this and chances are that he will die with it rather than because of it. Follow his lead if you possibly can. You are way, way overdue some good news, heaven knows, but this news does carry some hope. Thinking of you. ","board":{"__ref":"Forum:board:managing-stress-and-anxiety"},"conversation":{"__ref":"Conversation:conversation:179288"},"author":{"__typename":"User","login":"Afraser"},"postTime":"2019-12-12T13:46:50.000-08:00","kudosSumWeight":5}},{"__typename":"MessageEdge","cursor":"MjUuMnwyLjF8b3w1fDE0OjAsMzk6MXwz","node":{"__typename":"ForumReplyMessage","uid":179290,"body":"Dearest @kmakm, everyone here will be so sad for you, it is heartbreaking, especially when you have been so strong and thoughtful and kind to everyone else. I am sure you will get through this as you have done with so much else but how hard it must be! All we can do is send you love and hugs I guess but how little it seems in the face of so much. As ever, A. xox","board":{"__ref":"Forum:board:managing-stress-and-anxiety"},"conversation":{"__ref":"Conversation:conversation:179288"},"author":{"__typename":"User","login":"Annski"},"postTime":"2019-12-12T11:03:14.000-08:00","kudosSumWeight":4}},{"__typename":"MessageEdge","cursor":"MjUuMnwyLjF8b3w1fDE0OjAsMzk6MXw0","node":{"__typename":"ForumReplyMessage","uid":179289,"body":"Oh, @kmakm - I know how much you were hanging out for 2020 with no cancer issues in your family. That is a cruel blow - yet again the jesters of fate are playing their nasty pranks. My Mum lived by \"hope for the best but be ready for the worst\" and that's probably what I do. You know I'm not a hugger but I'm sending a long one to you.","board":{"__ref":"Forum:board:managing-stress-and-anxiety"},"conversation":{"__ref":"Conversation:conversation:179288"},"author":{"__typename":"User","login":"Sister"},"postTime":"2019-12-12T10:27:29.000-08:00","kudosSumWeight":2}},{"__typename":"MessageEdge","cursor":"MjUuMnwyLjF8b3w1fDE0OjAsMzk6MXw1","node":{"__typename":"ForumReplyMessage","uid":179291,"body":"So sorry to hear it. I wish I could send you more than simple words.
The information available on the Breast Cancer Network Australia website is not medical advice and is provided for information purposes only. It should not be viewed as a replacement for a consultation with a qualified medical professional. Our website is designed to offer information and support to the general public. Be aware that we do not provide any medical advice, and for medical advice we recommend you speak to a qualified medical professional or doctor.
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2012 Sister-in-law diagnosed with incurable brain cancer.
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2017 I'm diagnosed with BC.
2018 Chemo, double mastectomy and reconstruction.
Eight years of cancer and death. I just wanted to get through this year without anyone being diagnosed with, treated for, or dying from cancer. 2010 was the last time this happened. I've thought about it every couple of weeks all year, and more frequently as we got closer to the end of the year.
We almost made it. Two and a half weeks to go. The finish line was in sight.
Two years to the day that my husband went round to my parents' house to tell them I had BC, on the day I had my re-excision for margins, my father tells me that his prostate cancer has metastasised to his lungs. Two years to the hour.
It is staggering. Not that his cancer's back, but that for the ninth year in a row, we are here yet again. Prognosis is uncertain at this stage, the spots are tiny, yet to be biopsied and could possibly be held indefinitely at bay with hormone supression. But chemo could also be on the cards, as of course is his death. He's 83 and in very good nick, but I am SO angry, and so defeated. It's not the tragedy of dying of cancer at 47, but after everything we've been through in the last decade it's a cruel, cruel blow.
We're not telling the children now, and we may never, but if it comes to it, how on earth am I going to do it? The youngest two, my sister's kids, lived all their lives with my parents until they came to live with me. They are deeply traumatised, there are ongoing psychological and behavioural issues that are monstrously hard and hugely stressful to handle. Progress is slow and fractional.
Some weeks ago I told my psychologist that while I was making huge efforts to get myself onto an even keel, and making efforts towards leading a life that was bearable, hope was not something I had. She maintained that hope was human being's superpower, and that she was going to continue to try to get me to hope again. Bitterly this demonstrates why I am right. If I dare to hope, if glimmers of hope spring uncalled for from my subconscious, than my reality slaps them back down again. Thank goodness I didn't let hope back into my life. Thank goodness I stopped it when I started to feel it. Thank goodness I caught it and suppressed it. Because how I feel now would be worse, so much worse. If I'd received this news in a state of hopefulness... instead I feel grimly prepared for the horror to come.
It's really hard to see the point anymore.
Almost. We almost made it.","body@stringLength":"3001","rawBody":"2011 Sister diagnosed with and treated for a malignant sarcoma on her leg.
2012 Sister-in-law diagnosed with incurable brain cancer.
2013 Sister diagnosed with and treated for Stage 3 BC.
2014 Sister's BC returns, metastasised to lungs and liver.
2015 Sister-in-law dies.
2016 Father treated for aggressive prostate cancer. Sister dies.
2017 I'm diagnosed with BC.
2018 Chemo, double mastectomy and reconstruction.
Eight years of cancer and death. I just wanted to get through this year without anyone being diagnosed with, treated for, or dying from cancer. 2010 was the last time this happened. I've thought about it every couple of weeks all year, and more frequently as we got closer to the end of the year.
We almost made it. Two and a half weeks to go. The finish line was in sight.
Two years to the day that my husband went round to my parents' house to tell them I had BC, on the day I had my re-excision for margins, my father tells me that his prostate cancer has metastasised to his lungs. Two years to the hour.
It is staggering. Not that his cancer's back, but that for the ninth year in a row, we are here yet again. Prognosis is uncertain at this stage, the spots are tiny, yet to be biopsied and could possibly be held indefinitely at bay with hormone supression. But chemo could also be on the cards, as of course is his death. He's 83 and in very good nick, but I am SO angry, and so defeated. It's not the tragedy of dying of cancer at 47, but after everything we've been through in the last decade it's a cruel, cruel blow.
We're not telling the children now, and we may never, but if it comes to it, how on earth am I going to do it? The youngest two, my sister's kids, lived all their lives with my parents until they came to live with me. They are deeply traumatised, there are ongoing psychological and behavioural issues that are monstrously hard and hugely stressful to handle. Progress is slow and fractional.
Some weeks ago I told my psychologist that while I was making huge efforts to get myself onto an even keel, and making efforts towards leading a life that was bearable, hope was not something I had. She maintained that hope was human being's superpower, and that she was going to continue to try to get me to hope again. Bitterly this demonstrates why I am right. If I dare to hope, if glimmers of hope spring uncalled for from my subconscious, than my reality slaps them back down again. Thank goodness I didn't let hope back into my life. Thank goodness I stopped it when I started to feel it. Thank goodness I caught it and suppressed it. Because how I feel now would be worse, so much worse. If I'd received this news in a state of hopefulness... instead I feel grimly prepared for the horror to come.
It's really hard to see the point anymore.
Almost. We almost made 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I do know how you feel, in our family it is five of us all diagnosed in 2018, one passed away in November 2019. We are all very sick of cancer and treatments. How I wish there was something I could do for you xx","body@stripHtml({\"removeProcessingText\":false,\"removeSpoilerMarkup\":false,\"removeTocMarkup\":false,\"truncateLength\":200})@stringLength":"208","kudosSumWeight":2,"repliesCount":0,"postTime":"2019-12-12T13:47:36.000-08:00","lastPublishTime":"2019-12-12T13:47:36.000-08:00","metrics":{"__typename":"MessageMetrics","views":0},"visibilityScope":"PUBLIC","placeholder":false,"originalMessageForPlaceholder":null,"isEscalated":null,"solution":false,"entityType":"FORUM_REPLY","eventPath":"category:lifestyle-and-wellbeing/community:nkyiu94732board:managing-stress-and-anxiety/message:179288/message:179296","replies":{"__typename":"MessageConnection","pageInfo":{"__typename":"PageInfo","hasNextPage":false,"endCursor":null,"hasPreviousPage":false,"startCursor":null},"edges":[]},"customFields":[],"readOnly":false,"editFrozen":false,"body@stringLength":"298","rawBody":"@kmakm, sending you hugs and love, what a difficult time you have had! I do know how you feel, in our family it is five of us all diagnosed in 2018, one passed away in November 2019. We are all very sick of cancer and treatments. How I wish there was something I could do for you xx","images":{"__typename":"AssociatedImageConnection","edges":[],"totalCount":0,"pageInfo":{"__typename":"PageInfo","hasNextPage":false,"endCursor":null,"hasPreviousPage":false,"startCursor":null}},"attachments":{"__typename":"AttachmentConnection","pageInfo":{"__typename":"PageInfo","hasNextPage":false,"endCursor":null,"hasPreviousPage":false,"startCursor":null},"edges":[]},"timeToRead":1,"currentRevision":{"__ref":"Revision:revision:179296_1"},"latestVersion":null,"messagePolicies":{"__typename":"MessagePolicies","canModerateSpamMessage":{"__typename":"PolicyResult","failureReason":{"__typename":"FailureReason","message":"error.lithium.policies.feature.moderation_spam.action.moderate_entity.allowed.accessDenied","key":"error.lithium.policies.feature.moderation_spam.action.moderate_entity.allowed.accessDenied","args":[]}}}},"User:user:16650":{"__typename":"User","id":"user:16650","uid":16650,"login":"Afraser","biography":null,"registrationData":{"__typename":"RegistrationData","status":null,"registrationTime":"2015-03-24T19:34:07.000-07:00"},"deleted":false,"email":"","avatar":{"__typename":"UserAvatar","url":"https://onlinenetwork.bcna.org.au/legacyfs/online/userpics/595/pF56ENKPV9PRD.jpg"},"rank":{"__ref":"Rank:rank:39"},"entityType":"USER","eventPath":"community:nkyiu94732/user:16650"},"ModerationData:moderation_data:179295":{"__typename":"ModerationData","id":"moderation_data:179295","status":"APPROVED","rejectReason":null,"isReportedAbuse":false,"rejectUser":null,"rejectTime":null,"rejectActorType":null},"ForumReplyMessage:message:179295":{"__typename":"ForumReplyMessage","author":{"__ref":"User:user:16650"},"id":"message:179295","revisionNum":1,"uid":179295,"depth":1,"hasGivenKudo":false,"subscribed":false,"board":{"__ref":"Forum:board:managing-stress-and-anxiety"},"parent":{"__ref":"ForumTopicMessage:message:179288"},"conversation":{"__ref":"Conversation:conversation:179288"},"subject":"Re: Almost","moderationData":{"__ref":"ModerationData:moderation_data:179295"},"body":"Dear @kmakm How is your father dealing with this news? Chances are he is not defeated, chances are that he will handle this and chances are that he will die with it rather than because of it. Follow his lead if you possibly can. You are way, way overdue some good news, heaven knows, but this news does carry some hope. Thinking of you. ","body@stripHtml({\"removeProcessingText\":false,\"removeSpoilerMarkup\":false,\"removeTocMarkup\":false,\"truncateLength\":200})@stringLength":"203","kudosSumWeight":5,"repliesCount":0,"postTime":"2019-12-12T13:46:50.000-08:00","lastPublishTime":"2019-12-12T13:46:50.000-08:00","metrics":{"__typename":"MessageMetrics","views":0},"visibilityScope":"PUBLIC","placeholder":false,"originalMessageForPlaceholder":null,"isEscalated":null,"solution":false,"entityType":"FORUM_REPLY","eventPath":"category:lifestyle-and-wellbeing/community:nkyiu94732board:managing-stress-and-anxiety/message:179288/message:179295","replies":{"__typename":"MessageConnection","pageInfo":{"__typename":"PageInfo","hasNextPage":false,"endCursor":null,"hasPreviousPage":false,"startCursor":null},"edges":[]},"customFields":[],"readOnly":false,"editFrozen":false,"body@stringLength":"348","rawBody":"Dear @kmakm How is your father dealing with this news? Chances are he is not defeated, chances are that he will handle this and chances are that he will die with it rather than because of it. Follow his lead if you possibly can. You are way, way overdue some good news, heaven knows, but this news does carry some hope. Thinking of you. 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Our family is similar. This is about you being able to cope and realise that hope is as important as ever. Sending you a virtual hug Take care ","body@stripHtml({\"removeProcessingText\":false,\"removeSpoilerMarkup\":false,\"removeTocMarkup\":false,\"truncateLength\":200})@stringLength":"173","kudosSumWeight":2,"repliesCount":0,"postTime":"2019-12-12T13:31:07.000-08:00","lastPublishTime":"2019-12-12T13:31:07.000-08:00","metrics":{"__typename":"MessageMetrics","views":0},"visibilityScope":"PUBLIC","placeholder":false,"originalMessageForPlaceholder":null,"isEscalated":null,"solution":false,"entityType":"FORUM_REPLY","eventPath":"category:lifestyle-and-wellbeing/community:nkyiu94732board:managing-stress-and-anxiety/message:179288/message:179294","replies":{"__typename":"MessageConnection","pageInfo":{"__typename":"PageInfo","hasNextPage":false,"endCursor":null,"hasPreviousPage":false,"startCursor":null},"edges":[]},"customFields":[],"readOnly":false,"editFrozen":false,"body@stringLength":"189","rawBody":"Hang in there! Our family is similar. This is about you being able to cope and realise that hope is as important as ever. Sending you a virtual hug Take care ","images":{"__typename":"AssociatedImageConnection","edges":[],"totalCount":0,"pageInfo":{"__typename":"PageInfo","hasNextPage":false,"endCursor":null,"hasPreviousPage":false,"startCursor":null}},"attachments":{"__typename":"AttachmentConnection","pageInfo":{"__typename":"PageInfo","hasNextPage":false,"endCursor":null,"hasPreviousPage":false,"startCursor":null},"edges":[]},"timeToRead":1,"currentRevision":{"__ref":"Revision:revision:179294_1"},"latestVersion":null,"messagePolicies":{"__typename":"MessagePolicies","canModerateSpamMessage":{"__typename":"PolicyResult","failureReason":{"__typename":"FailureReason","message":"error.lithium.policies.feature.moderation_spam.action.moderate_entity.allowed.accessDenied","key":"error.lithium.policies.feature.moderation_spam.action.moderate_entity.allowed.accessDenied","args":[]}}}},"User:user:19675":{"__typename":"User","id":"user:19675","uid":19675,"login":"AllyJay","biography":null,"registrationData":{"__typename":"RegistrationData","status":null,"registrationTime":"2017-01-10T12:48:28.000-08:00"},"deleted":false,"email":"","avatar":{"__typename":"UserAvatar","url":"https://onlinenetwork.bcna.org.au/legacyfs/online/userpics/069/pM7ELZMBFFC5B.jpg"},"rank":{"__ref":"Rank:rank:39"},"entityType":"USER","eventPath":"community:nkyiu94732/user:19675"},"ModerationData:moderation_data:179293":{"__typename":"ModerationData","id":"moderation_data:179293","status":"APPROVED","rejectReason":null,"isReportedAbuse":false,"rejectUser":null,"rejectTime":null,"rejectActorType":null},"ForumReplyMessage:message:179293":{"__typename":"ForumReplyMessage","author":{"__ref":"User:user:19675"},"id":"message:179293","revisionNum":1,"uid":179293,"depth":1,"hasGivenKudo":false,"subscribed":false,"board":{"__ref":"Forum:board:managing-stress-and-anxiety"},"parent":{"__ref":"ForumTopicMessage:message:179288"},"conversation":{"__ref":"Conversation:conversation:179288"},"subject":"Re: Almost","moderationData":{"__ref":"ModerationData:moderation_data:179293"},"body":"I have no words to send to you, but you and your family are in my thoughts. ","body@stripHtml({\"removeProcessingText\":false,\"removeSpoilerMarkup\":false,\"removeTocMarkup\":false,\"truncateLength\":200})@stringLength":"81","kudosSumWeight":2,"repliesCount":0,"postTime":"2019-12-12T13:24:23.000-08:00","lastPublishTime":"2019-12-12T13:24:23.000-08:00","metrics":{"__typename":"MessageMetrics","views":0},"visibilityScope":"PUBLIC","placeholder":false,"originalMessageForPlaceholder":null,"isEscalated":null,"solution":false,"entityType":"FORUM_REPLY","eventPath":"category:lifestyle-and-wellbeing/community:nkyiu94732board:managing-stress-and-anxiety/message:179288/message:179293","replies":{"__typename":"MessageConnection","pageInfo":{"__typename":"PageInfo","hasNextPage":false,"endCursor":null,"hasPreviousPage":false,"startCursor":null},"edges":[]},"customFields":[],"readOnly":false,"editFrozen":false,"body@stringLength":"81","rawBody":"I have no words to send to you, but you and your family are in my thoughts. 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Delete if required for too much swearing mods. ","body@stripHtml({\"removeProcessingText\":false,\"removeSpoilerMarkup\":false,\"removeTocMarkup\":false,\"truncateLength\":200})@stringLength":"71","kudosSumWeight":5,"repliesCount":0,"postTime":"2019-12-12T13:15:42.000-08:00","lastPublishTime":"2019-12-12T13:15:42.000-08:00","metrics":{"__typename":"MessageMetrics","views":0},"visibilityScope":"PUBLIC","placeholder":false,"originalMessageForPlaceholder":null,"isEscalated":null,"solution":false,"entityType":"FORUM_REPLY","eventPath":"category:lifestyle-and-wellbeing/community:nkyiu94732board:managing-stress-and-anxiety/message:179288/message:179292","replies":{"__typename":"MessageConnection","pageInfo":{"__typename":"PageInfo","hasNextPage":false,"endCursor":null,"hasPreviousPage":false,"startCursor":null},"edges":[]},"readOnly":false,"editFrozen":false,"body@stringLength":"71","rawBody":"Fuckity fuck fuck. Delete if required for too much swearing mods. 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