The Funny Things

In January I went on my first big holiday since diagnosis, and because I would be flying for over 10 hour periods and the medication makes you a clot-risk, I gave Tamoxifen (hormone therapy) a break. I felt "good" within a couple of weeks, just in time to leave. My energy increased and I coped with the holiday, I even secured some great new memories which is a small miracle because I can't even usually remember where we keep the bread. 

By that week I'd started having a lot of breast tenderness, more than usual, with no idea why and of course freaking out because of the demon mongrel in my head who just loves to scream if I give it any attention (I think you know the one, it whispers "cancer" every time you get and ache and if you tell it to shut up it just says "cancercancercancercancer", the little sh*t).

Skip to another week of tenderness later and my bra is more snug than usual. Damn this holiday weight I was thinking, despite having been so conservative with my food and the hike in activity. A week later, just one of my breasts didn't fit in the bra cup and was squishing under my arm to fit in. Oh dear, I wasn't gaining weight anywhere else, this was real enlargement, so that brat in my mind jumped at the opportunity to say "this is   d e f i n i t e l y   cancercancercancercancer".

Get home. Get my check-up. "Have you been experiencing any symptoms?" 
"One is bigger.. just the one. And had been really sore for a while now."
"Well, Tamoxifen is a hormone suppressant-"

"...Estrogen." :tired_face: 

So now instead of one D-cup and one DD-cup, I have one D-cup and one E-cup, with the theory being because my one responsive boob desperately wanted to woman-the-f*k-up and had an estrogen all-you-can-eat buffet freak-out.

And it won't go back once I'm back on it, growth is growth. I have never had a boob this big in my life. Just one. Just the one boob decided to grow. It couldn't have been like the little one going oh this is crap I should grow to match the other one. Nah.

You know those 'I wonder if life is a video game' moments?
I feel like someone has taken my character and gone in to the customization editor and hit 'inflate' on the one thing to be funny and are now watching me SIMS style dealing with it and laughing their butt off. Excuse me while I go and run repeatedly into a wall until someone tells me to stop.

Frankentitty!

My funny moment came when I finally decided to man up and get back in a swimming pool. I didn’t have mastectomy bathers to put my foob in but I thought my bikini top would be fine as long as I wear a T-shirt there won’t be any problem. Well unfortunately I didn’t have a swimming prosthesis either so I thought a knitted knocker would be fine, which it was until it worked it’s little way out of my bikini top and out of my T-shirt before I noticed it was missing. My first clue that something was not right was when my lovely knitted knocker was bobbing around the pool under my chin. I immediately discovered that their is no elegant was to reposition a foob whilst in wet bathers and in public lol. My kids still tell the story and think it’s hilarious today. I’m glad we can have a laugh about such things.

Mine came a couple of weeks after surgery...  Some of you, like me, might now have a bit of difficulty getting shirts over your head and, of course, post-surgery everything's quite sore.  I had graduated to a looseish T-shirt and was getting undressed and, you guessed it, got it stuck halfway off.  Couldn't pull it down, couldn't get it over my head.  I had to call out for my 16 yo son to help me.  Terribly embarrassing for him.  So far past annoying form me that it was funny.

Great idea @inkpetal.

You get to a stage through this that you just have to laugh at the random shit you do.

I tend to get very bad disorientation at times, thankyouTamoxifen, this used to really freak me out  but I am somewhat used to it now.  I once got lost in a shopping mall for over and hour LOL. 

So these days if I go somewhere unfamiliar I am careful to take notice of things so if I get lost I can find my way home.  Dear lord the things we have to do.

Australia day weekend we went camping. We stayed at a very large camp ground and of course that weekend it was jam packed. Boats, campers and people everywhere.

Now my bladder is not what it used to be, as I am sure many of you will understand, so I had been backwards and forwards to the loo block several times that afternoon, which was about 50m away from where we were camped, taking note of what vehicles and boats were parked around us. No problem, got that down pat.

All was well until it got dark.  A few  glasses of wine later I toddle of to the loo and somehow manage to come out of the door on the other side which I hadn't realised at that time. After walking for 5 minutes or so in the dark I can't see anything familiar and I am heading towards the water, oh shit I am lost...yet again. 

About face. Trying to not look like a drunken idiot wandering around the campground I think I've spotted us.  Yes!  I unlost myself. Good job me.

 I make a grand entrance into the campsite by tripping over a tent rope and trying to make light of my almost face plant (I have not looked around at anyone yet) I proclaim "Well obviously I need another drink!" An unfamiliar voice replies, "Well love, all we have here is rum, so if you're happy with that pull up a chair".

Not out campsite!

Hehe love it @kezmusc 😂

@kezmusc
Did you pull up a chair?

No Annie, only because I don't drink rum.!!

@kezmusc

Bugga, you could have "pretended". There might have been some interesting conversations. 

Your experience is why I no longer go camping - bladder and sight that are not what they used to be. Plus getting off the ground is not a pretty sight. Add to those, the ability to wander off in any direction..............

Now if only my hearing was as bad as my sight and bladder and my very challenged directional ability, I might not hear all the screechings, snufflings and slitherings that keep me awake at night! 

Actually Annie, I am really not a fan of camping at all.   I'd much rather be sitting on a high rise balcony somewhere overlooking the ocean. I have enough critters and dust at home and have camped in the back of the car or a horse trailer way too often. I  do it for the family time because they all love it and I always have a good time once I'm there. 

What I don't like is having to walk a bloody mile busting for the loo in the middle of the night or cold, flooded showers with nowhere to put your clothes.

Plus you know, champagne tastes,beer wages. Beats the heck out of doing nothing right?.