I feel like Im in a catch 22 situation...

Hi,

This is my second post and a long time in between. It has been 2 years since my treatment ended.  I was fortunate with my diagnosis becasue it was caught early and only caught becasue I was due for my mammogram.  I dread to think what could have happened if I wasnt due for one as mine was an aggressive cancer.  I had a lumpectomy, chemo and radiation.  I then went through the process of induced menopause then a full hysterectomy and now I contunue with the drugs (Anastrazole).  Whilst my treatment ended in 2017 the side affects post treatment are awful.  Ive have also gained weight and that in itself is hard to deal with because it presents new issues such as body image.  Its really hard to explain just what your are feeling emotionally, mentally and physically and howmuch pain you are actually in.  Everyone can see your physical struggle, sometimes the emotional but they cannot see your mental struggles.  My relationship has ended and one of the issues was I wasnt showing enough affection and intamacy ended.  I dont know about anyone else but going through the treatment, induced menopause, a full hysterectomy, and drugs alone, my whole self feels as though its just been smashed in every way.  I know we need to find the 'new normal' but thats alot easier said than done.  I have been trying to find some really useful informatin to provide to my ex just so she can read for herself that I am not making this up and that what I am feeling is real and its an everyday battle.    Here I am just over 2 years post treatment and I have nerve issues, joint pain, no libido and in terms of affection with my partner i feel as though its just not there.  Im not blaming it all on the treatment but this is one aspect that is not easily explained unless you are feeling it yourself. Is it normal to feel nothing?  The few times I have felt that closeness and want for intamacy its gone in a split second???

I have been to counselling, Ive done meditation, im trying different drugs and supplements and I am just finding my way.  I never would expect my ex to understand or expect them to stay when I know myself these changes would be hard to deal with.  The relationship with your partner is very different to that of your friends and family becasue its more personal in intimate.  When you dont feel a certain way it does affect the relationship. 

I fee like i am in a catch 22 situation becasue I need to take care of myself first but it is hard for others around you to understand this journey.  Even I question whether or not it will get better or if this is the new me and I am already in my new normal.   I dont want to sit and wait and I do push myself but its a daily struggle.  I know I am not alone in this.  It would be really comforting to hear similar stories because we all have them so I am immersing myself back into this arena.

De