Dont follow me Im lost too
Im about a year out of active treatment and I seem to be in a slump. I experienced euphoria and gratefulness for being alive following treatment and some days since Ive felt genuinely happy but more r...
Forum Discussion
I don’t think it’s wrong to have expectations, especially since people like us respect our friendships and like to give our all. The reality, though, is that people are lost, confused, scared and/or selfish. This is what I’ve discovered. Except that as I said, I discovered it prior diagnosis so didn’t tell most people during treatment. I still haven’t told people I haven’t seen. I learnt to rely totally on myself during the hardest time of my life. But let me tell you, it was so worth it!! With no expectations come no disappointments, as @Zoffiel said. If someone is nice to you, that’s a massive bonus, but there’s no disappointment if they aren’t. And there’s no pressure for you to also be running to their aid all the time, which is massive relief too. No more burning the candle on both ends.
It takes time to come to terms with this. Grieve the friendships you thought you had. It’s not easy.
I turned 40 a few months post diagnosis. I was initially terrified of 40 as it seemed so old. Then after diagnosis I wondered if I’d even see it. So when it came around, I was beyond elated. I celebrated by treating myself the whole day. I didn’t invite anyone, only my one best friend and my family of course. I didn’t really need anyone else as that day was about me. I dressed up nicely, even though I had radiation in the morning. I bought a cake for them actually, which they thought was weird but they enjoyed it 😄. Then I went and bought balloons for myself and a ‘birthday girl’ badge, other decorations and a beautiful birthday cake. I went home, decorated, and took lots of pictures. It was MY day, and I was celebrating ME. I didn’t really give a toss that none of my other ‘friends’ weren’t there. It was a wonderful day and I decided I would always celebrate my birthdays like that from then on. I’m my biggest cheerleader, everyone else, as I said, is a massive bonus. I can’t tell you how free it feels. This is coming from someone who always put friends first, for years and years. Very loyal, only to be used as a doormat. Silver lining, I had enough and respect myself now.
I don’t know when your birthday is, we might see on here, but I truly hope you have a fantastic day and celebrate YOU ♥️.
M xx
M xx