Dont follow me Im lost too
Im about a year out of active treatment and I seem to be in a slump. I experienced euphoria and gratefulness for being alive following treatment and some days since Ive felt genuinely happy but more r...
Forum Discussion
Wow @FLClover. Thats quite powerful.
You are right in the sense that Im not doing exactly what I want. Its not a work thing, its more what I spend my time on outside work. Im less able to tolerate people wasting my time too. I suppose Im pursuing health things and mostly I want that its just that sometimes my heart craves just doing my own thing rather than doing things in set times like work, exercise, appointments, collecting children, fitting in seeing family etc. Its somewhat obligations.
Relationships change. I guess my expectation about how I would behave if friends had a lifethreatening illness werent matched by my experience of what happened when I had a life threatening illness. I got flowers but once the immediate drama was gone, people watched my facebook in a voyeristic way but didnt offer help largely (some people) or want to see me. People who I didnt expect were the ones who stepped up. Family were lovely. In fact some friends expected support from me when I was least able to give it and made me feel that i was a problem. I suppose once you know you know and how do you go back to what was before? Covid hasnt helped. People seem to have more opinions held so strongly that they lose themselves and I feel hurt that chasing conspiracies was more important. But im trying to move on. I just dont want to bore the ones left. And i feel its hard when lots of very full on things have happened all over.
There are other things going on of course in my life, too much to explain but I guess Im aware of needing to move forward and feeling constrained feeling like i should get on with it and wondering how and what type of relationship i now want (or dont) with others.
M
You are right in the sense that Im not doing exactly what I want. Its not a work thing, its more what I spend my time on outside work. Im less able to tolerate people wasting my time too. I suppose Im pursuing health things and mostly I want that its just that sometimes my heart craves just doing my own thing rather than doing things in set times like work, exercise, appointments, collecting children, fitting in seeing family etc. Its somewhat obligations.
Relationships change. I guess my expectation about how I would behave if friends had a lifethreatening illness werent matched by my experience of what happened when I had a life threatening illness. I got flowers but once the immediate drama was gone, people watched my facebook in a voyeristic way but didnt offer help largely (some people) or want to see me. People who I didnt expect were the ones who stepped up. Family were lovely. In fact some friends expected support from me when I was least able to give it and made me feel that i was a problem. I suppose once you know you know and how do you go back to what was before? Covid hasnt helped. People seem to have more opinions held so strongly that they lose themselves and I feel hurt that chasing conspiracies was more important. But im trying to move on. I just dont want to bore the ones left. And i feel its hard when lots of very full on things have happened all over.
There are other things going on of course in my life, too much to explain but I guess Im aware of needing to move forward and feeling constrained feeling like i should get on with it and wondering how and what type of relationship i now want (or dont) with others.
M