Hi Suzy,
I'm two days out the other side of double mastectomy with expanders, so I know all too well how you feel! This board has been a great help. I had a wonderful weekend last weekend...my final one with my own breasts. I had girls lunch out, massage & facial, girls night out complete with boobie cupcakes, and a wonderful Sunday in the country with my boys. In the weeks leading up to the op, I became very sad at the thought of losing my breasts, they were such an important part of me. My wonderful surgeon referred me to a pychologist at Livingwell.net.au. This lovely lady spent an hour with me last Saturday (in between the girls lunch and dinner) and it helped me enormously. Definitely try to see if there's a counsellor you can speak to. It helps.
I had my son's Year 12 valedictory dinner on Thursday night and then the day of surgery arrived on Friday. It was a long anxious day, I felt regret that I hadn't taken any photos of my breasts before they were gone....I wonder if I'm the only person to have taken selfies in a bra in the public toilet at St Vincents Private Hospital :) Not that I'll ever show the photos to anyone, and I need to get them off my iphone before any flicks through the valedictory night photos!! But it definitely gave me closure. I did not dance in the operatinge theatre. I cried after the technician put the radioactive dye into my breast for the lymphoscintillogram and then asked me to rub that breast for 5 minutues. I shed tears when they wheeled me into the operatinge theatre...they allowed my husband to come into the pre-operating area and hold my hand. As I write this now, I'm shedding a tear...the first since the op was completed. There is however a sense of calm on the other side of the surgery. The anticipation and buildup and thinking about it are awful....but now it is done, I can only move forward. The day after the op I felt very drugged and knocked around, but today (2 days postop) I've been up and, while I am uncomfortable, I can move my arms more than I thought I'd be able to and the pain is bearable. The drainage tubes are extremely annoying and I can't wait for them to be out....although this will likely be another 7-10 days or so....I'm sure I'll accidently rip one of them out before then!
The happy times of the week or two before my surgery, and the love and concern of my friends has sustained me. When I felt overwhelmed by the reality on Friday, I kept thinking back to one of the special moments with friends and loved ones from the previous week. I'm now ready to heal and recover as quickly as possible. Plan something nice to look forward to. For me, I have now been through 2 previous surgeries (lumpectomy, then re-excision of the margins), then 6 cycles of chemo and now double mastectomy....this is the end of my treatment (apart from switch over to implants and nipple reconstructions).....In January I will be spending 3 weeks at the beach with my boys. We have booked a 5 week trip to Europe for next July....that should give me plenty of incentive to recover my health and stamina. I hope you also can plan a nice treat for yourself to look forward to after surgery. All the best xx
