My name is Sara and I have been newly diagnosed early stage breast cancer. Yes I know i'm super lucky! Ive just turned 40 and a single mother of 2 teen boys.I've had partial mastectomy and now waiting to see oncologist on the 21st August to work out my chemo & radiation plan. They said I need it due to pathologies from surgery.I'm in between being strong and knowing i'm going to be ok.....to i'm losing my mind. I assume the up and downs are normal??Any guidance and tips will be much appreciated! Questions I should ask doctors? I don't know where to even start...so much on line and just feeling overwhelmed.much love in advanceXXSara

Hi Sara. Sorry you've found yourself here but having said that, I hope you find it as helpful and supportive as I have.A word you often see used here is rollercoaster. Having a BC diagnosis is full of ups and downs. You don't get used to it as such, but you do learn that you will pull up out of the downs at some point so you just have to keep hanging in.I have four kids, two teens, an almost teen and one younger. Just as you get used to your treatment plan, they will too. Be open, give them the info they ask for and bear in mind that you might need to reiterate. I've found that I've assumed they've heard and understood something I've said only to discover later that it's gone in one ear and out the other!I hope my experience will make them more empathetic and caring individuals as they move through their young lives.I describe the learning curve as vertical. There is such a lot to absorb. Don't stress, you'll get there. Take notes, take a friend or family member with you to appointments, or record them on your phone. The doctors are used to patients not getting it all clear the first time and are usually very happy to repeat themselves. Do you have a breastcare nurse? If you get a good one they can be an amazing resource for all those questions that occur to you 'later'. Try not to Dr Google! But if you do, stay away from the US websites. Their healthcare environment is so vastly different to ours it can be quite distressing. The BCNA and Macmillan (the UK equivalent) are always a safe bet.Have you got your My Journey kit? That has excellent suggestions of questions to ask your doctors. And you can always call the BCNA helpline on 1800 500 258. The people on the other end of that line are terrific.And of course, you can always jump on here for a question (this is an awesome hive mind!), a vent, a fret, a rant and even a laugh! If you're comfortable you could tell us whereabouts in Australia you are and a little about your diagnosis.Hang in there Sara! Take it one day at a time if it threatens to overwhelm. Big hug, Kate xox

@iSara - welcome to the forum - such a great resource and support when you are first diagnosed - don't know what I would of done without the women on here. xox

A few of us went to the Plan B conference this weekend @iSara One of the presenters talked about the importance of talking to our kids about what is happening. When I was first diagnosed I told my son, then aged 13, but pretty much dropped the communication ball after that. Hind sight is 20/20 however some things she said struck a real chord with me. We are wired to protect out children (well, most of us) but they are not stupid (well, most of them) and they have ways of finding things out or making things up if they don't get the information they need. By trying to protect them we can do more harm than presenting unpalatable truths. It goes counter to many of our instincts but uncertainty is very destabilizing for children. I'm sure someone with a functioning brain will remember her name....Sorry you have found yourself here.

@isara We told the kids from the first - they sense something's wrong and it's definitely helped both them and me to keep it open. I have told them that I will keep them informed of anything I know (just not the whatifs). They have actually been a great support and they understand if I'm not feeling great.

Just as an aside, I know some women dread telling parents, sometimes because they may try to take over and 'manage' but sometimes because they are elderly. My mother was 89 when I was diagnosed and in care - physically frail but mentally very alert. I talked it through with nursing home staff first, who strongly advised that I tell her and 'let her be part of your experience'. And so it was. I think I extended her life as she wanted to make sure I was OK. It's horses for courses of course, but telling it as it is may be a good option for both young and old.

Hello to all the strong women out there!

45 Replies

iSara
Member
8 years ago
Thanks so much ladies @iserbrown @kmakm @Sister <3

We try to be strong for everyone around and just nice to know we aren't alone. The real stuff :(

@kmakm Thanks so much. 4 kids...how do you do it! my two are enough lol
my son suffers with anxiety and I worry about how much I tell him, but I cant hide it either. Its a balance as a mum, but they aren't silly either. lol

My breast care nurse ordered me a kit and bra :# She is amazing and so caring. I tell you, we are so lucky in this country....I keep saying it. We get looked after so well.

After surgery I have two different size breasts, one has a weird shape. Can this be fixed later one? After treatment is done? I know it seems trivial, but i would like to find someone new one day and seriously its a daily reminder everyday :(

Thanks @Sister <3
Sister
Member
8 years ago
@kmakm has said it all. Don't put too much pressure on yourself - the emotions fluctuate. Welcome!
kmakm
Member
8 years ago
Hi Sara. Sorry you've found yourself here but having said that, I hope you find it as helpful and supportive as I have.

A word you often see used here is rollercoaster. Having a BC diagnosis is full of ups and downs. You don't get used to it as such, but you do learn that you will pull up out of the downs at some point so you just have to keep hanging in.

I have four kids, two teens, an almost teen and one younger. Just as you get used to your treatment plan, they will too. Be open, give them the info they ask for and bear in mind that you might need to reiterate. I've found that I've assumed they've heard and understood something I've said only to discover later that it's gone in one ear and out the other!

I hope my experience will make them more empathetic and caring individuals as they move through their young lives.

I describe the learning curve as vertical. There is such a lot to absorb. Don't stress, you'll get there. Take notes, take a friend or family member with you to appointments, or record them on your phone. The doctors are used to patients not getting it all clear the first time and are usually very happy to repeat themselves. Do you have a breastcare nurse? If you get a good one they can be an amazing resource for all those questions that occur to you 'later'. Try not to Dr Google! But if you do, stay away from the US websites. Their healthcare environment is so vastly different to ours it can be quite distressing. The BCNA and Macmillan (the UK equivalent) are always a safe bet.

Have you got your My Journey kit? That has excellent suggestions of questions to ask your doctors. And you can always call the BCNA helpline on 1800 500 258. The people on the other end of that line are terrific.

And of course, you can always jump on here for a question (this is an awesome hive mind!), a vent, a fret, a rant and even a laugh! If you're comfortable you could tell us whereabouts in Australia you are and a little about your diagnosis.

Hang in there Sara! Take it one day at a time if it threatens to overwhelm. Big hug, Kate xox
iSara
Member
8 years ago
Thanks so much! <3
iserbrown
Member
8 years ago
@iSara

Hi Sara
lots to learn and info to absorb. There are groups on here that you may wish to join as well as but in the meantime to get started

Our @SoldierCrab has put together a welcome with links

Below are a couple of links to help you find your way around the forum and also how to find a breast care nurse and how to order a MY journey Kit if you haven't got one yet.
It can be a a whirlwind when we first get a diagnosed.... Breathe and take it one step at a time.

The what and how thread.
http://onlinenetwork.bcna.org.au/discussion/14879/the-what-and-how-thread/p1
Breast Care Nurses
https://www.mcgrathfoundation.com.au/OurMission/OurNurses/FindANurse.aspx
My Journey Kits and other resources.
https://www.bcna.org.au/resources/
BCNA Helpline 1800 500 258
If you have any questions, concerns or require any further information or support please call 1800 500 258. The Helpline is open Monday, Wednesday and Friday from 9 am till 5 pm EST and Tuesday and Thursday from 9 am till 9 pm EST.

How to understand your pathology reports
https://www.cancer.org/treatment/understanding-your-diagnosis/tests/understanding-your-pathology-report/breast-pathology/breast-cancer-pathology.html

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Hello to all the strong women out there!

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