Relationships - Stronger or Weaker???

Hi Kari,

I am 7 months post treatment. I had 16 months of surgery, chemo, radiotherapy and herceptin. In that time, my husband attended 3 drs appointments. He made a few meals each week and that was about it. He's normally pretty hopeless around the house anyway but he didn't step up at all over that period. I worked part time throughout my treatment and that upset me greatly, particularly after the fact when I realised just how damn sick I had been. 

We have only just started talking about the bc recently. He didn't know what to do to help me. He thought just being with me was enough. He struggle immensely with the thought of loosing me. He also struggled with me being so ill during chemo. He had never seen anyone so Sick before and was convinced I was going to die. He was completely overwhelmed. He didn't feel like he could talk to me at all because what he was going through was nothing compared to what I was going through. He also, he just didn't want to do the whole bc thing.  We both feel that we are suffering post traumatic stress now. The thing is, bc didn't just happen to me. It happened to him,my kids, my brother and my closest friends who supported me.it has affected all of our relationships in some way, with some negatives and some positives. 

At this time, you need to focus on you. You need to do what you need to do to get through and surround yourself with those who will support you. Look maybe you just have a bad relationship but now is not the time to be making life decisions. I would recommend getting some counselling for you both but if he won't go, as my hubby refused to, then go yourself. They will be able to give you strategies for dealing with the way you feel but also strategies for dealing with your partner. 

I love my husband and kids but have been dreadfully hurt and disappointed in the lack of support both emotionally and physically they were able to give me.  As far as my hubby and our relationship goes, I think we are  coming closer than before as we both open up about our experience of bc. Having said that though, my greatest fear is of the cancer returning as stage 4. Who is going to look after me as they have already proven that they can't/won't  look after me!  Hang in there love. Karen xox