Forum Discussion

primek's avatar
primek
Member
9 years ago

Quiet Xmas

The last 18 years has been hard for me at Xmas. It was always about the empty chairs.

My Dad passed 18 years ago and Xmas never felt the same without him. But having little ones around helped.

8 years ago my Mum passed and so each Xmas for 6 years was very hard for me...my boys older...extended family moved away...very difficult. I eventually started a new tradition with my boys of prepping a course of food with each of them. That way I wasn't alone in the kitchen and we prepped favourites of my Mum and Dad and some of our own.

Last year my dear sister in law passed 4 days before Xmas. I spent last year with my brother and nieces and nephews as well as concealing my newly diagnosed breast cancer but a few days before. My son had also just moved away.

This year though...I so look forward to a quiet family Xmas with just my husband and boys. Doing our new tradition stuff and just being grateful we are together and thankfully currently in good health. We will have extended family for tea. 

Appreciating the now not the what could have been is truly something breast cancer has taught me. 

Hope you all have a wonderful Xmas and wish you all well for the New Year.

Kath x
family
  • Brenda5's avatar
    Brenda5
    Member
    9 years ago
    Nothing wrong with a nice quiet Christmas and sometimes I think that's really the way it is supposed to be. A day of rest, of reflection and if you still have them of family. I often wonder when Mary and Joseph went to Bethlehem for the Roman census, where the heck was Joseph's family and why was the only place to stay in a stable? At least a stable was something though and they were grateful for it.

    Something no one tells us as we age and become survivors of cancer and of just life, is we end up attending an awful lot of funerals of others. Someone I guess has to go first and someone has to be last and its tough on those left. I've gone through a few dogs in my lifetime. Dogs are not designed to live as long as man and it is teaching me how to cope with loss as a precursor to family losses in the future as I plan to be one of those last ones left.
  • melclarity's avatar
    melclarity
    Member
    9 years ago
    Kath! That sounds lovely for Christmas this year. It is so very difficult when our loved ones have passed away. I actually don't like this time of year for many reasons. My Mum also passed 7yrs ago and its the biggest whole in my life and especially having traveled this journey twice with little support in the past 5yrs. It certainly is a time of reflection, and of being thankful for what we absolutely do have. There are so many blessings, says me sitting alone until Christmas day Haha!!! I will at least have family come on Christmas Day. So glad you are in a great space Kath! a Merry Christmas to you!!! and a wonderful New Year ahead. Hugs Melinda xo
  • Share's avatar
    Share
    Member
    9 years ago

    Merry Christmas to you Kath and your family.

    As you have found that your Christmas is now a quieter affair, it is a nice time to start new traditions with your own family - husband and 2 boys. Think back to where you were last Christmas as it would have been such a sad and emotional time for your whole family.    

    I am lucky enough that we still have my dear Dad to celebrate with (he is coming to our house today for about a week) but just like you there is always a tinge of sadness as this will be our 3rd Christmas without Mum (Mum and Dad have been a staple at our home for the past 18 years since our eldest son was born).

    We will have a leisurely breakfast at home (maybe my eldest might just wake in time for breakfast) and then head off to my best friend's home for lunch - a tradition we love as she is like a sister to me.

    This being my first year on the forum, thanks for your support and helpful comments online.

    Sheryl xx  

  • Tracey62's avatar
    Tracey62
    Member
    9 years ago
    Hi Kath, sometimes it takes a quiet Christmas to appreciate the rich memories of those we love. What a valuable lesson to learn to "appreciate the now". Hope your Christmas now is rich with love and family xXx
  • socoda's avatar
    socoda
    Member
    9 years ago
    Merry Christmas Kath to you and your family. I love your practice of all participating in cooking different courses, it can be wonderful fun to share preparing food together and the resulting satisfaction is brilliant. Thank you so much for your support and knowledge throughout the year. Wishing you a 2017 full of hope, promise, happiness and wonderful normality. Xx Cath
  • primek's avatar
    primek
    Member
    9 years ago
    Spoil yourself with the ice cream @Mira. Our little community is having a Xmas BBQ in the Town square for people to have a meal with others. Such a great idea whether helping or just attending.
  • Mira's avatar
    Mira
    Member
    9 years ago
    Merry Christmas Kath.  It's just me here this year.  In previous years it was my Aunt, my parents and me for Christmas lunch but my Aunt died and my parents moved away this year, so it's just me :)  I'm still making my traditional Christmas icecream though .. even if I have to eat every portion!!! :smiley:
  • primek's avatar
    primek
    Member
    9 years ago
    I agree...we have sort of entree type stuff for lunch and simple roast turkey for tea. Easy peasy. Hate being stuffed to the eyeballs so as mainly just us we have done this for years now.
  • Afraser's avatar
    Afraser
    Member
    9 years ago

    A very happy Christmas to you Kath and again thank you for all your posts and good advice. I am a great believer in the quiet Christmas. We always had a Christmas of just immediate family, and my mother (who died last month aged 93) was firmly of the belief that she was not going to spend one of two days holiday (I grew up in Scotland) in the kitchen! So we always had Christmas lunch out and loved it.  In Australia, we had it out and cold!!  I have changed the tradition a bit, as I don't care much for big lunches, and we have had a Christmas Eve dinner for a long time - works out perfectly now for my daughter, her partner and our grandson as they can then go off to the 2nd set of parents/grandparents on Christmas Day.

    Happy Christmas to everyone at the Network however you celebrate! Here's hoping for a peaceful and healthy New Year for us all.