Loosing it today

Shorelle have you spoken with the BCNA helpline?  if you haven't been to the Doctor yet have you made an appointment ? 

No

@Shorelle Have you been to the Dr yet?

I agree with all of the above. Get it checked out, and move on from there with whatever is necessary. I felt like this when I had my expanders in and they were only about 400mls. Worry is unfortunately quite common and it's best to just deal with it and you are more than likely just fine. Please call the help line, it's great to talk to someone who can talk you through it and is also a professional.It will also make you feel better just saying it all out loud to someone who is not family. Tell them your fears,cry if you want to, but do it. Lean on your friends, they want to help you.

Hello @Shorelle,
Don't hesitate to call the helpline on 1800 500 258 and speak with one of our cancer nurses or breast care nurse.
It can be really helpful to talk about what is going on for you.  

Getting it checked won't change what it currently is but will either put your mind at rest or get you on treatment to sort it.  It doesn't make it easy.  My mantra so far has been: It is what it is.  And it's all about the kids, isn't it?  Being there for them.  So have a cry (do it in the doctor's office if you need to) and make the appointment.  Have you got someone to take you?  You've got lots of shoulders here when you need to lean.  

OK @Shorelle
 
The benefits of knowing it has spread ..... 

• lets see your team can get onto it and reverse it and stop it if it is early enough... 
• you know what you are fighting and then you can get help and fight the bitch again if needed.

The positives of getting it checked out 

• YOU find out it is something simple like asthma or reflux or your expanders and muscle pain 
• you have peace of mind once you know
• your team will be aware of the symptoms and will address them promptly (I have a g/f who had recurrence, she promptly alerted her team had tests  yes it was a recurrence.... they gave her 6 months chemo (not as horrible as her first chemos.).. 9months later no evidence of disease she is healthy and getting on with life.) they told because she was prompt they were able to treat it and she has her life for that. 

The benefits of finding out it has NOT spread but it is minor problem that meds or physio will help 

• no stressing so therefore you can relax and heal 
• you can be more present with your girls (because while we stress/worry) we are not present with our family but in our heads stressing...
• accepting  that you have beaten this disease. it is doable and you are capable of wearing those big girl panties. 
• After surgery my surgeon said technically we are cancer free the radiation and chemo is to mope up any stray cells. 

Do I worry about recurrence?    Yes just like we all do but I refuse to allow it to consume my life .... 
I have taken the steps to get support from a psychologist and I go promptly to the GP if I have any symptoms that are troubling me...

You are the only one who can pull those big girl panties up..... Those pants do exist because you have 3 girls who needs to see their mother fighting like a girl showing them she is strong and she will not lay down and give up. 

we have your back, we will listen and support you but you are the one who has to get off the proverbial couch and do something.... 

do you have a breast care nurse?  ask her to refer you to see the counsellor or get a mental health plan to see a psychologist under medicare we have a right to that after our diagnosis. 

Hugs 
SoldierCrab

@Shorelle Most likely it hasn't. I've  had to do some back  reading but I believe you have an estrogen responsive cancer since you are on Tamoxifen. Is that correct?

What are the benefits of knowing?
Well changing treatment paths for a start.

Even if it has returned there is treatment. My sister had advanced metasteses. She lived to see her children marry and even met some of her grandies. It wasn't an easy life but it was filled with love and joy. It was worth having the treatment to stabilise the mets. 

Not knowing and just worrying will just make you miserable. What if it hasn't spread and you spend years just being fearful.  At least by knowing you can be doing something to improve your health and giving yourself your best shot .  Kath x

@SoldierCrab whats the benefits of knowing its spread.  I cant deal with that. My big girl pants dont exist anymore.  

I initially felt quite out of breath when I exercised with my reconstruction and was scared as I did have some heart failure from chemo. (All good now).  What I worked out was when I was doing things my chest muscles were going tight and with the implants I just felt short of breath. Once I figured out what it was I'd take a big breath and just drop my shoulders saying relax...and bingo no tightness. It takes time and even after changeover it takes time. I'm 8 months from changeover and only now does it feel relaxed over the implant. I have to massage it too...as per surgeon.

Now think about what your heads going to do if you don't get checked out. You will just lay awake,  worry all day and become teary and it will just suck the joy out of life. See a Dr. Get the check. And if all good...big sigh of relief. If not...there is still so much that can be done. 

We get it. I've had pelvic scans. Spinal CTs and most recently a dental OPG. Before all of them even though I knew it was a) a virul bug b) arthritis and c) a bloody dental abscess...the fact that they weren't text book presentations scared the hell out of me. Who would think one would be happy they have a dental abscess and gladly have a tooth pulled? . But...just for a moment when I had weird jaw pain that 2 dentists were puzzled over ...was I terrified it was brain mets causing neuropathy or a bone met in my jaw. 

Happy to say all is well with me. But the fear is just below the surface. Tell the Dr what you are worried about. The Drs I have seen have been absolutely compassionate about my fear and very very thorough and not dismissive at all. X