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Twiggyjumps's avatar
Twiggyjumps
Member
9 years ago

Healthy Mind & Feeling Good But Why?

I've been told all mixed news this week and await further tests. I don't want to find out. Only had a couple of negative biopsies yet I've never felt fitter. I'm strong, Ride my horse nearly every second day, go to work then home to grown family & husband.  They are great. But as I sit up late because I can't sleep as to be reminded of what's ahead. I'm angry and developing attitude as never had before. Always happy. Just had a few bourbons with a friend and got off the subject completely. Punched the wall in the specialists washroom once I heard of 4cm tumour from the sentinel biopsy (1 out of 4 removed that was infected with it). Specialist wants to remove all my lymph nodes. All I can think of is lympodema. Talking about chemo and radiation first for 6 months then see before any surgery. My left ovary, don't even know if it is, seems a dull pain. But been off and on for over a year. Could be stress. Pet scan tomorrow. Don't want to know. But friends say then you'll have a clear plan to sort it all out for good. I feel like 'Red man going down'.

Need inspiration! 

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  • SoldierCrab's avatar
    SoldierCrab
    Member
    9 years ago
    @Twiggyjumps how did you relax normally before breast cancer?

    A bath with some lavender? Few drinks, a movie?  Try a relaxation cd, white noise app for phone..... writing whats rolling around in your head... sometimes writing allows us to get the thoughts out of our heads.....

    Xxx
  • Twiggyjumps's avatar
    Twiggyjumps
    Member
    9 years ago
    Omg thank you. It's going to be another l o n g night. Anyway I can't change it. Just got to move forward. Xx 
  • SoldierCrab's avatar
    SoldierCrab
    Member
    9 years ago
    Oh @Twiggyjumps what a total sh*t  diagnosis is.... always more to cope with.... You are stronger than you realise... getting off the subject is good... we need to refocus and regroup as we ride this blo*dy roller coaster..I have one friend who I can laugh with, she doesn't ask questions about where we are up etc but allows me to be where I emotionally need to be...sometimes that means laughing sometimes crying  she will send me emails about life sometimes serious sometimes not she has been a lifeline through the ride.... helping me to be grounded and normal....

    I have lymhodema  I dont allow it to control my life..... 
    Tests.....it is some times overwhelming  so we dont want to know but when we are calm we do want to know as then we have the power to choose. Breathe out the stress and breathe in peace....

    It is good to acknowledge the stressors the anger, the fears,  the lack of control we all feel at times.. be gentle on yourself you are able to stand tall to face the truth and fight like a girl... Because you are strong

    Hugs and serenity
    Soldier crab ❤