Thanks everyone. I can't believe the tension in our house since we got the quote on Saturday. I must be insane. I now realise that it is a previously unacknowledged fear of recurrence that is really holding me back.
A spectacular holiday would be nice. One where we make lifetime memories. One which serves to cross off a few of those bucket list things. But poor hubby NEEDS a spectacular holiday. We don't really do anything or go anywhere much normally. I sometimes forget all that he has been through with me and just how hard he works (min 10 hours a day everyday) to keep this family afloat. My chances of recurrence are low. So I thought I hadn't really been thinking about it. And yet now this trip has brought it to the forefront. I am thinking about it. In little ways every day.
It's just that BC was expensive, so far it has cost us over $70k with lost wages and out of pocket expenses and to think we may lose another large sum of money if on a miniscule off chance things goes wrong in next 6 months and we have to cancel the trip, makes me nervous. Balance that with my strong desire to pay our house off as quickly as possible so I can quit work and care for my elderly and very ill parents full-time should anything else happen in the future. Gee. I am a psychological mess. But there you go... there's my deep dark thinking. I've laid it all our there..... phew, it's a bit cathartic.
@Zoffiel - hubby said same thing, do we really not want to go anywhere ever again because I worry that the cancer might come back? @Melcarity - you're right. @adean- i am happy that you had no trouble and I hope you and your hubby are doing ok.
Ladies you are all so right. We have to live life. So, I just got off the phone to Covermore, They said no worry. They said BC under the conditions above is covered. Even if I get a recurrence I will be covered. My portacath is also covered. So no more excuses.
I think this whole thing just goes to show how a BC diagnosis can affect other aspects of our lives that we might not even think about.
Guess I needed to vent on this forum to work all this out. Doesn't mean I won't be scared about it in the future, maybe I'll need your wonderful reassurance again for many months to come.
Thanks a bunch
