Feelings of Guilt
Do you suffer from guilt? I know I do, even though I am told not to, I still do. I feel like I have put everyone's life on hold because of my diagnosis. I was lucky that I was diagnosed early and t...
Forum Discussion
A few things were out of your control here. Firstly, the unforgiving nature of the people asking for the final payment without waiting a bit for your test results. That’s on them, not you. They should feel that guilt, as I’m sure it would not have inconvenienced them greatly to wait for you to see how much you have to fight for your life 🙄🤨.
Next, getting cancer, for the third time no less, was also out of your control. No matter how early it was caught, it’s still a threat to your life, it’s that simple. We as a society have to stop being compassionate only when people look sick. Mental and emotional illness is overlooked too much, and is just as, if not more, debilitating as a physical one. Cancer is both. Looking sick shouldn’t be a prerequisite for a person to be shown some empathy and compassion. The fact you might have needed chemo and gotten worse results is enough to traumatise you and create PTSD. It’s that PTSD that often wrecks us on the inside, even though we might look ok on the outside.
I’ve been going through similar, as I also look ok. I caught mine early, had a dmx and radiation, no chemo. Now on hormone blockers. Sounds simple. Go take a look inside my head at times, and feel my emotions, especially when I have to go near a hospital again, and see how ok I am. See how I get flashbacks that me tremble and get a panic attack. See how I feel when I remember that recurrence is a possibility with anyone. How I feel when I read about young women passing from it. Other people can’t see this, but I can, and because I respect myself a whole lot more now, I tell them. I tell them I can’t do certain things because I’m sore from the hormone blockers, and that I’m fatigued, and don’t have clear focus anymore. And that I’m scared. I tell them they need to be more understanding, and help me more. I may look ok, but I’m not always. This includes my 9 year old daughter. She’s mostly very helpful, but sometimes gives me attitude, so I remind her very promptly of these things. Yes, she’s my daughter and I love her more than anything, but I love myself too.
None of these things can be helped really. It’s life’s fault, not yours. You shouldn’t need to look sick for people to understand you and help you. Don’t forget that people are selfish by nature. Sometimes they need reminding to be more humble.
The fact you’ve had cancer 3 times, I think means you definitely have to look into the psychological side of things and see what’s inside you that’s causing hurt and despair.
💜