Cancerversary

Dearest @kmakm I read your kind and thoughtful post here and then looked at the time you wrote it and then read your - oh Dear God no- latest post "almost made it" written an hour or so later and I realised you have been submerged in the dark night of the soul at its worst. I will write something there but wanted to send you a personal message as well. Will do so soon, meanwhile I am thinking of you and hoping you at least got a little sleep. Love and hugs, A.

Dearest @Annski. I've been away for a couple of days so I'm just catching up now. I was delighted to see your name pop up, and as always, loved reading your beautifully written, honest and thoughtful post. And then I saw my @name and was touched by your kindness. Bless you.

I'm so glad to hear you're doing OK. Well better than OK really! Gladdens my heart. K xox 

my 3 year cancerversary came and went in November amid scans more scans and Drs appointments
and so life as I know it goes on amid the turmoil of a big family and work
I'm still hanging in there  somehow 

Excellent post @Annski

Hullo all, it is striking that so many of us have our " 'versaries" around this time of the year. I go to see my surgeon tomorrow, and I can hardly believe it is two years now since I was sitting in tears in the hospital begging for someone to tell my what my pathology/diagnosis was, following a left mastectomy. To his credit my surgeon came at once but explained he still did not have the final details. Since I had had a Breast Screen diagnosis more than 10 days before, from which I never received any pathology or diagnostic report, it was not surprising I was upset. I understood so very little of what was going on, what was going to happen, what it all would mean. All I knew was that it was cancer, and obviously a big one because I saw the Breast Screen mammogram, almost in secret. The whole process was tortuous in the extreme and although my surgeon was wonderful and did a great job, everything else seemed a welter of confusion and miscommunication. I was convinced it was deliberate, that they did not want to tell me exactly what was wrong or what my prognosis was. Of course, I believed they really did know. Now, after spending so much time reading about BC (in learned journals, books, memoirs and from this site) I realise that they really did not know - that there are so many forms of BC, so many variables, so many unknowns that the experts and specialists do a lot of guessing and hoping, guided by their expert knowledge and experience but still unable to be absolutely certain. And I realised that I was just one among so many, so very many going through the same awful experiences. This network has profoundly helped me to understand that it wasn't all about me.

So I just wanted to say, to those dear friends who are coming along behind us, and especially those going through the early phases of treatment right now (during the so-called "Festive Season") that for some at least it gets a lot better. Many say the psychological process of accepting the reality of what has happened takes two years, regardless of how the physical body heals.  That would be true for me. I have gone through so many painful emotions, loss, guilt, fear and especially at the beginning, anger. I didn't have chemo, because I refused (they all wanted me too, but I made that decision) but I had rads and am now on AIs (Femara). I didn't really start feeling better until a couple of months ago. I found a wonderful new oncologist (in part thanks to dear @kmakm to whom I am eternally grateful) and I had scans to make sure the bone pain in the neck and back wasn't mets (it wasn't); I still have passages of depression and withdrawal, but nothing like as bad as it was. Through this awful bushfire and smoke season I am thinking so much of others, of those who have lost their lives, their homes, their animals - and of the poor wildlife incinerated in our beautiful bushland. Somehow my issues seem not so pressing and I am grateful for what I do have, which really is so much.

It is strange thinking about the "old normal" and the "new normal". One can never go back - can never put your foot in the same stream as the Zen saying goes - but for me at my stage of life I think the new normal is better. I have had to give up a lot of illusions about myself and others. It's almost like opening a sore. I don't much like the person I used to be and I do feel I am trying to do better in everything with a more compassionate frame of thinking. So for those struggling at the beginning, here's wishing you all kinds of support, and for those of us who have come through our first two or more years, well done all!

That's awesome @Anne65.  Congratulations lovely.
xoxoxoxoxoxo

Well done! I feel for all those who have to wait for mammogram results - my surgeon has a qualified radiologist and a 3D machine so I get the results immediately. I do have lymphoedema (17 lymph nodes went) but, mad as it may sound, it has always seemed preferable to get that little joy soon after surgery rather than twelve years later. That has always felt particularly cruel. Very best wishes. 

So very pleased to hear this @Anne65 Great news!  And nice to be sent on your way.

Well done, @Anne65 - what an awesome result all round!!   Sad to think that others will be queueing up for the McGrath Nurse now the BreastScreen bus has been around.  :( 

How amazing that you are able to get your results within an hour of the Mammogram!  That is just incredible!  I am jealous.

All the best with the bower kit too - mine came a few months back & was clear too.

All the best for a wonderful Xmas & 2020 ....

Hugs all round xx

Well, after my busy day of medical appointments yesterday, i am pleased to announce my mammo came back clear so I can tick off 2 years cancer free!! Oh the feeling of walking into that mammo room brings it all back like it was yesterday & the fact that it is adjoined to the hospital where I had surgery, lots of memories. I had my mammo at 10.45, then walked 5 mins to my BC surgeons office & at 11.30 I had the results. Not bad hey! The reason it is so quick is that there is a qualified radiologist permanently on site to review, check & report on all mammograms & then they scan/email the results straight to the surgeon who is 2 doors down. My surgeon was very happy & again, I dont have to see her for another 12 months.
I had my skin cancer check in the morning..all clear & then i had my first lymphoedema screening in the arvo & that came back normal so a very good day all round. The lymphoedema screening was at Lift Cancer care Services which i learnt about following on from the BCNA conference. Very interested to learn about the disease & unlike cancer, the risk doesnt lessen as each year passes so you never know when or if it is going to strike. Luckily, I am at low risk as I didnt have chemo, nodes removed or have large breasts but due to the fact that i had rad treatment, it increases the risk very slightly. Next checkup is 6 months time to see if there is any change.
Coincidentally, while driving around between appts, , my McGrath Breast care nurse rang for a chat & catchup! We both agreed that as I am doing so well, I will now go off her books to make way for others. She can focus on those who need her the most, those who are actively going through treatment or newly diagnosed. She will still be there if i need her which is a comforting thought & she said to ring/email her anytime.
As I am from the country, my initial cancer was detected from one of the remote mobile breastscreen buses that travel around rural areas & they visit every 2 years. My nurse reminded me that she will now have a fresh batch of patients to care for as the bus has just visited my area again. Very sad thought but hopefully they will be lucky like me with their "journey" & they will have a lovely BC nurse to look after them. 
To top it all off, i got my national Bowel cancer test kit in the post today!
So another year gone & ticked off successfully. I again feel very blessed to have been one of the few lucky ones who has gone through very smoothly. I keep waiting for the wheels to fall off but they havent yet!!
Thanks to all of you for your thoughts & good wishes leading up to my anniversary. It is so comforting to know that others are thinking of you.
 I pray for those doing it tough, that they can find support here & with those close to them & lets hope that 2020 brings strength, love, smiles & hugs to those who need it the most. Love to you all xxxx